Last night during the Venture Bros. season premiere, Adult Swim aired a Diet Coke ad with Taylor Swift, and we - those of us who were watching it together - were annoyed. And we talked about it for the entire commercial break.
We talked about how ridiculous it was that Coca Cola believed that putting T.Swift in an ad about "songwriting" and Diet Coke would make them actually sell Diet Coke, we talked about T.Swift's perception in society within our demographic and others, as a guilty pleasure and an artist, etc. etc. etc.
And then at the end of the commercial break I said, "But see - the ad worked, it doesn't matter if we want a Diet Coke or not. We just talked about their ideas for five full minutes and tried to make sense of them. They win."
Whatever we talked about is irrelevant, whoever they put in the ad is irrelevant, whatever the ad portrays is irrelevant.
Our job is not to buy Diet Coke - people are going to do that anyway. Our job is to give a shit about Diet Coke, our job is to make it relevant to our lives, which we obviously just did by even thinking about it at all to the point where we discussed it for five minutes and I still can't stop thinking about it.
I mean, I'm not gonna stop buying Diet Coke when I'm hungover just because they put Taylor Swift in a commercial.
...
So.
There are certain types of places that I hate spending my free time, but I will inevitably do it anyway because people I love want to spend their time there.
When I say "places" I mean "bars," really. Not all bars - some are fortresses of comfort. I'm talking about plastic bars.
They're fucking toxic. They're awful. I was at one on Friday.
Plastic bars are vast, loud, terribly lit places. They have obscenely high ceilings, giant bars full of 100 kinds of vodka, black walls. Bars that have multiple giant rooms. Bars where you have to yell for the bartender to hear your drink order. Bars where drinks are expensive and watery, where everyone is dressed the same and you have to wait in a line to go to the bathroom, and it doesn't even matter if you know that the people there are individuals with feelings and thoughts, it doesn't even matter if you care about them because once you get into there you are immediately part of the herd, and your environment is specifically designed to keep you into that herd.
The amenities - beer, food, chairs, tables, dance floor - are designed to keep you in a room, the room is designed to amplify the sound of the music, the music is designed to make you feel a beat, and the beat is designed to make you fall in line with the herd, it's designed to keep everyone feeling the same thing and doing the same thing and drinking the same thing and wearing the same thing.
Temple Grandin. You know Temple Grandin? She's amazing. She's an autistic woman that created a type of slaughterhouse that is specifically designed to make the cattle feel safe and part of the herd.
That's the kind of bar I'm talking about.
Sure, they think they're retaining their individuality because they're wearing different colors or a different cut, but it's all designed by the same people and part of the same brand and they didn't choose those clothes, no matter what they think - those clothes were designed and marketed to them in a specific way so they would think they had a choice in the first place. That's how branding works. It creates a herd, gives them infinite choices of the same thing, gives them the allusion of individuality. But they all have the same goals, the same taste, the same job. They don't think so, but they do. And I share a lot in common with them. I know I do.
Most importantly: I don't look down on being part of the herd, even though people think I do. That's their own insecurity. It's just another way of being, and as long as you're being something, and you care about it, I think it's rad.
I cannot stress that enough.
But there's one difference: I know what's going on and I'm actively trying to not be a part of it. It's hard. It's easy to dismiss it, and say "that's the way things are" and just leave it alone and go about my business. People say I'm overreacting. That I'm looking to hard for something that isn't there. I say they're idiots because they're willfully ignoring something in front of their face because they don't want to see it. But there it is, and I want no part of it.
The herd is not nice to outsiders.
...
I'm the type of person that people stop on the street and ask for directions. I'd say this happens to me once a day. People have yelled at me from their cars and asked for directions. I don't know why this happens, or what it is about me that makes them choose me - but they do, which means I give off some sort of vibe that either says "I know where I'm going" or, more likely, "I will answer your question."
On top of that, I give off another vibe: I'm not connected to you. It will take me awhile to connect with a person. Like a year. Or so. Since I don't believe I'm connected - my connection has to grow.
And people who believe they're connected and a part of things - they cannot understand what it's like to feel disconnected. They don't understand that it's not something you turn on and off, it's a belief. I cannot just stop believing something because you think it's a good idea. Welcome to religion.
So back to the herd and the people I know and love that can vibe in the herd: we've already connected, so I don't know if they see the outsider part of me or not.
But strangers can smell it. They attack and do their best to make me feel uncomfortable. AND I'M IN MY THIRTIES. WE ARE ADULTS. THEY STILL DO THIS.
...
Again, like the commercial, the details aren't important. The point is that it happened. It happens. The point is I'm still thinking about it.
The point is I hate it there. Everything about it feels wrong to me. It makes me uncomfortable and angry and sad, it makes me question my existence and my purpose. An environment that is specifically designed to make me feel one with my surroundings makes me feel lonesome and alien.
The point is that I will keep going back to these places because I don't want to lose the connections I have, but these places stress those connections more than strengthen them.
It's inevitable that someone is going to tell me to stop caring what people think. No. You aren't paying attention. That's all there is. All I am is the people I care about, and what they think is important to me. Whether we agree is irrelevant. The point is not that our thoughts and feelings are the same, the point is that we care in the fucking first place.
I am a paradox.
...
Monday, June 3, 2013
Friday, March 8, 2013
Blog Awards Are Hard
First of all Renal Failure is a dick and he knows I hate this shit and he knows I will fucking do it anyway, and the fact that he knows both of these things makes me even more infuriated and ensures necessary italics to properly convey my intense displeasure and secret glee.
In case people out there don't know...a Blog Award is when a bunch of people who still cling to their blogs with intense vanity all clump into a quixotic back-scratching chain, where we pretend we are relevant to the internet and by extension the world because we don't post pictures of our food.
So now I have a blog award, whatever that means, and I'm supposed to answer questions and then ask someone else and I'm supposed to post a picture of the award, but it's stupid looking so I won't. You're gonna love this.
11 QUESTIONS
1. What do you like for the sole reason of everyone else hating it?
That's just a fuckstick question.
The reason that this is so hard is because pop culture has changed so much. Things that were previously reviled are now celebrated with irony and zeal. The closest thing I can think of to answer that question is putting this out there: I have a growing love for Tom Cruise, and the more people that hate on him the more they fuel my love.
People didn't always hate on Tom Cruise. When I was young and silly and I didn't know any better and he was Tom Motherfucking Cruise and he lorded over Hollywood with that fat brilliant nose and eyes like fangs, and I accepted him as royalty because, well, that's what they told me to think.
Then somewhere it all fell apart, sometime around Eyes Wide Shut which is when we all realized that TC burns his ego like gasoline, and he has reservoirs the size of Saudi Arabia. Then everyone was all, "Scientology is bad and TC made Oprah feel weird" and it's like, you know he was acting, right?
And now people hate him, but TC keeps going, he blazes through every scene with more fucking guts and rapture than 90% of the actors out there and their 'realism' and 'subtlety.' But I'm off the bandwagon. Fuck that. Tom Cruise is a GODDAMN TOUR DE FORCE.
I love the scene in Risky Business where he pulls the catcher's mask over his face when he calls Lana for the first time, and we can feel his fear and shame and thirst. I love watching him wheel around in Born on the Fourth of July while he snots and froths like a shaggy screaming rabbit, I love him in Magnolia and The Color of Money (oh my god, I love his hair in tCoM) and Jerry Maguire. Yeah. I said Jerry Maguire. Jerry. Fucking. Maguire. Did you watch that last video? Did you see the veins throbbing in his forehead while his eyes burned with rabies? That's just the beginning, people (now that I think of it, the more people hate on Jerry Maguire the more I love Jerry Maguire. But not Renee Zellweger). I loved him in Knight and Day. Mission Impossible. Rock of Ages. Far and Away, terrible accent and all. Jack Reacher. And of course - the scene where TC showed the world once again that he is the Dominator of Everyone, and that's not just because of Luda.
You go on hating TC, you pansy-ass sucktards, because you're just making it better for me.
2. Worst illness or injury?
There's the time one side of my face swelled up and I took fuckloads of Tylenol so when I finally could see a doctor they thought I might have liver cancer, and then there was the time I had an abscess removed from my armpit, but I think the worst was the summer I didn't realize I was allergic to lotion and my hands exploded with blisters for three months.
I have had nemeses before - one was...let's call her "Kelly LarryLovesLana Kapowski" (seriously, this girl had a middle name like that) from college, and she took a massive disliking to me for no reason that I can think of and tried to convince my friends to stop talking to me. No idea why.
9. Who are bigger rapists? Football players or lacrosse players? Show your work.
Football players. Easy peasy lemon squeezey. I don't like googling "football rape." It leads to odd places.
11 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME
1. I am looking forward to getting gray hair.
2. On Tuesday I ate at least 6oz of peanut butter M&Ms.
3. My least favorite phrase is "throw under the bus." Anyone who writes professionally should never, ever, ever write anything about throwing or things that are "under the bus" unless they are (a) deliberately making fun of people who use that expression, or (b) talking about Speed. Caveat: if you are referencing Speed, accur-atize your fucking prepositions. It's "BOMB ON BUS." Throwing under the bus is pretty much the stupidest thing humans have ever said outside the Realms of Isms, which is totally a place.
4. My DVD player is slowly dissolving, like a heart in unrequited love. Does this mean I must now purchase a blu-ray player? Can my wallet withstand the pressure?
5. Something I discovered very recently: I can be lulled into a crush on nearly any guy with a spoken cadence who smiles when he looks me in the eye and regularly brushes his teeth. I have no way of weeding out douchebags and evil geniuses until I look back on a conversation and realize he mentioned he eats raw bunnies and pheasant hearts for breakfast, but he spoke so beautifully that I was all, "oh, I've never had that, but it sounds delicious."
6. I firmly believe that bullying is the result of too much ego and has very little to do with insecurity.
7. One time Neil Gaiman said to me, "Is that a hyena on your shirt? Brilliant." I kind of have a thing for hyenas. Actually, hyenas would work for the Tom Cruise category too. And they just brought hyenas to Chicago for the first time in decades, so I'm super going to the zoo when I get the chance. I found The Hyena and Other Men five years ago on Amazon and I never bought it because it was $100 - now it's over $400 and I regret my frugality.
8. I'm extremely defensive of the Midwest.
YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THIS, DO YOU?
Who should answer all these questions? Honestly I would totally have picked RF, but then this will turn into a blog war of infinite mirrors and no one wants that. Therefore, using RF's logic, I will pick the person that will be the most annoyed: Kono.
1. What are your top five favorite movies? Not the greatest. Your favorites. Five. No more. No less. Five shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be five. Six shalt thou not count, neither count thou four, excepting that thou then proceed to five. Seven is right out.
2. If you could ask Werner Herzog one question, what would it be?
3. If Werner Herzog answered your shitty question, what would you want his answer to be?
4. If you could see any musician/band, in any venue, during any time, with any crowd, what would you choose? This doesn't need to make sense, it could be like, "Kanye West at the signing of the Declaration of Independence with our forefathers and James Van Der Beek, but they're all in the ancient Roman Colosseum and Caligula is wicked pissed."
5. How do you feel about white guys with dreadlocks?
6. What is the largest kind of animal that you could wrestle and emerge victorious?
7. What's the most beautiful sound you've ever heard?
8. Do you have a "no fatties" t-shirt? Be honest.
9. What's the one book you want to make sure your boyos read?
10. Three bloggers walk into a bar. Finish the joke.
11. How would you break out of prison?
Now that that's over with, if anyone else wants to play I say go for it. Thanks for playing, folks.
...
In case people out there don't know...a Blog Award is when a bunch of people who still cling to their blogs with intense vanity all clump into a quixotic back-scratching chain, where we pretend we are relevant to the internet and by extension the world because we don't post pictures of our food.
So now I have a blog award, whatever that means, and I'm supposed to answer questions and then ask someone else and I'm supposed to post a picture of the award, but it's stupid looking so I won't. You're gonna love this.
11 QUESTIONS
1. What do you like for the sole reason of everyone else hating it?
The reason that this is so hard is because pop culture has changed so much. Things that were previously reviled are now celebrated with irony and zeal. The closest thing I can think of to answer that question is putting this out there: I have a growing love for Tom Cruise, and the more people that hate on him the more they fuel my love.
People didn't always hate on Tom Cruise. When I was young and silly and I didn't know any better and he was Tom Motherfucking Cruise and he lorded over Hollywood with that fat brilliant nose and eyes like fangs, and I accepted him as royalty because, well, that's what they told me to think.
Then somewhere it all fell apart, sometime around Eyes Wide Shut which is when we all realized that TC burns his ego like gasoline, and he has reservoirs the size of Saudi Arabia. Then everyone was all, "Scientology is bad and TC made Oprah feel weird" and it's like, you know he was acting, right?
And now people hate him, but TC keeps going, he blazes through every scene with more fucking guts and rapture than 90% of the actors out there and their 'realism' and 'subtlety.' But I'm off the bandwagon. Fuck that. Tom Cruise is a GODDAMN TOUR DE FORCE.
I love the scene in Risky Business where he pulls the catcher's mask over his face when he calls Lana for the first time, and we can feel his fear and shame and thirst. I love watching him wheel around in Born on the Fourth of July while he snots and froths like a shaggy screaming rabbit, I love him in Magnolia and The Color of Money (oh my god, I love his hair in tCoM) and Jerry Maguire. Yeah. I said Jerry Maguire. Jerry. Fucking. Maguire. Did you watch that last video? Did you see the veins throbbing in his forehead while his eyes burned with rabies? That's just the beginning, people (now that I think of it, the more people hate on Jerry Maguire the more I love Jerry Maguire. But not Renee Zellweger). I loved him in Knight and Day. Mission Impossible. Rock of Ages. Far and Away, terrible accent and all. Jack Reacher. And of course - the scene where TC showed the world once again that he is the Dominator of Everyone, and that's not just because of Luda.
You go on hating TC, you pansy-ass sucktards, because you're just making it better for me.
There's the time one side of my face swelled up and I took fuckloads of Tylenol so when I finally could see a doctor they thought I might have liver cancer, and then there was the time I had an abscess removed from my armpit, but I think the worst was the summer I didn't realize I was allergic to lotion and my hands exploded with blisters for three months.
3. What language do you wish you were fluent in?
Probably Japanese. Or Korean. Because then I would understand what food I was ordering.
4. Stout or IPA?
Stout. Without question.
5. Favorite holiday that isn’t widely celebrated?
February 28. Will you be my constant?
6. Are you in a current blood feud with anyone and why?
I'm thinking about entering one with you right now, RF, because you tricked me into filling out this fucking survey, but then again you gave me a reason to talk about Tom Cruise, so I forgive you.I have had nemeses before - one was...let's call her "Kelly LarryLovesLana Kapowski" (seriously, this girl had a middle name like that) from college, and she took a massive disliking to me for no reason that I can think of and tried to convince my friends to stop talking to me. No idea why.
7. Which Renal Failure player are you dressing up as for your next costume-required social event?
The Crimson Paraplegic, because wheelchairs are super fun and then I can do my TC Born on the Fourth of July impression.
8. Your weapon of choice?
Crossbow. NO! Ballistic knife. NO! A bowling ball. NO! The pen. 9. Who are bigger rapists? Football players or lacrosse players? Show your work.
Football players. Easy peasy lemon squeezey. I don't like googling "football rape." It leads to odd places.
10. Most hated karaoke song that other people sing regularly?
Two years ago I would say Kid Rock and Sheryl Crowe's "Picture," but I haven't heard it in so long that it doesn't bother me anymore.
11. Which Renal Failure player would you want as your eternal roommate and why?
You, RF. 11 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME
1. I am looking forward to getting gray hair.
2. On Tuesday I ate at least 6oz of peanut butter M&Ms.
3. My least favorite phrase is "throw under the bus." Anyone who writes professionally should never, ever, ever write anything about throwing or things that are "under the bus" unless they are (a) deliberately making fun of people who use that expression, or (b) talking about Speed. Caveat: if you are referencing Speed, accur-atize your fucking prepositions. It's "BOMB ON BUS." Throwing under the bus is pretty much the stupidest thing humans have ever said outside the Realms of Isms, which is totally a place.
4. My DVD player is slowly dissolving, like a heart in unrequited love. Does this mean I must now purchase a blu-ray player? Can my wallet withstand the pressure?
5. Something I discovered very recently: I can be lulled into a crush on nearly any guy with a spoken cadence who smiles when he looks me in the eye and regularly brushes his teeth. I have no way of weeding out douchebags and evil geniuses until I look back on a conversation and realize he mentioned he eats raw bunnies and pheasant hearts for breakfast, but he spoke so beautifully that I was all, "oh, I've never had that, but it sounds delicious."
6. I firmly believe that bullying is the result of too much ego and has very little to do with insecurity.
7. One time Neil Gaiman said to me, "Is that a hyena on your shirt? Brilliant." I kind of have a thing for hyenas. Actually, hyenas would work for the Tom Cruise category too. And they just brought hyenas to Chicago for the first time in decades, so I'm super going to the zoo when I get the chance. I found The Hyena and Other Men five years ago on Amazon and I never bought it because it was $100 - now it's over $400 and I regret my frugality.
8. I'm extremely defensive of the Midwest.
9. Pictures of The Lion of Lucerne make me cry like an asshole. Poor valiant, dead lion, who
sacrificed his life because it was his job and not because he believed
in something bullshit, but he won, even in death. The bastard got 'em.
10. I watch PBS more than any other channel. Who needs cable?
10. I watch PBS more than any other channel. Who needs cable?
11. From this point forward, I refuse to succumb to a case of the prollynots, which is a word I invented ten minutes ago.
Who should answer all these questions? Honestly I would totally have picked RF, but then this will turn into a blog war of infinite mirrors and no one wants that. Therefore, using RF's logic, I will pick the person that will be the most annoyed: Kono.
1. What are your top five favorite movies? Not the greatest. Your favorites. Five. No more. No less. Five shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be five. Six shalt thou not count, neither count thou four, excepting that thou then proceed to five. Seven is right out.
2. If you could ask Werner Herzog one question, what would it be?
3. If Werner Herzog answered your shitty question, what would you want his answer to be?
4. If you could see any musician/band, in any venue, during any time, with any crowd, what would you choose? This doesn't need to make sense, it could be like, "Kanye West at the signing of the Declaration of Independence with our forefathers and James Van Der Beek, but they're all in the ancient Roman Colosseum and Caligula is wicked pissed."
5. How do you feel about white guys with dreadlocks?
6. What is the largest kind of animal that you could wrestle and emerge victorious?
7. What's the most beautiful sound you've ever heard?
8. Do you have a "no fatties" t-shirt? Be honest.
9. What's the one book you want to make sure your boyos read?
10. Three bloggers walk into a bar. Finish the joke.
11. How would you break out of prison?
Now that that's over with, if anyone else wants to play I say go for it. Thanks for playing, folks.
...
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Please Allow Me To Nerd Out
I caved and watched John Carter about a little over a month ago because I was on this Friday Night Lights kick and needed more Taylor Kitsch, and I'm now on a one-woman crusade to make everyone watch it because it's awesome.
Remember when I said I wrote something about Star Wars? I said it before and I'll say it again, talking about Star Wars is fucking cliche, but when something shapes your childhood pretending it's not important to you is just plain silly.
Then again, this isn't really about Star Wars at all - and it's more about how Hollywood fucks things up sometimes, and how they get it right sometimes.
Here is the abridged version of what I wrote a month ago:
First of all, I loves me some JJ Abrams. Alias and Lost are two of my favorite shows, Super 8 was fun (but waaaaaay too polished and aware for a coming-of-age movie) and I thoroughly enjoyed Star Trek, although I am an infant in Trek lore, so any arguments about JJ ruining Star Trek with lens flares don't even register.
But the man is a walking gimmick. His name a gimmick. Obviously he's not as gimmicky as someone like Peter Jackson, who couldn't identify a gimmick if a hobbit kicked him in the nards. Peter Jackson is so gimmicky he's George Lucas. Since JJ gained a reputation as a creator of cult TV his name evokes certain feelings of dedication and camaraderie, and Star Trek was his breakthrough for those people who hadn't caught on yet.
For Star Wars we need a director who is pure and raw with a coming-of-age feel, not well-seasoned and mature with little adolescent idiosyncrasies. Maybe the guy that directed Attack the Block, but then again THAT was his coming-of-age movie. If this were a few years ago I'd say Rian Johnson, but Looper pushed him up a notch from Brick, which was like watching a snake juggle knives and I mean that with the utmost respect. Star Wars should MAKE the director and not the other way around. People are looking at this thing in a totally wrong way.
Of course, Star Wars is itself a gimmick, it's a classic hero story and it's totally a coming-of-age movie, and not in the when-oh-when-will-I-lose-that-v-card sense, but in a teenager-learns-to-make-decisions-for-someone-other-than-himself kind of sense. And it works because it was made by a man who was, at that time, coming-of-age in his career.
Kind of like - okay, Andrew Stanton, who did Wall-E and Finding Nemo, would have been a good choice. But then he made John Carter.
Before that he hadn't yet made the full transition into adult topics - the first of a trilogy is always about finding your footing and beginning somewhere, so it would make sense to have a director transitioning into more adult topics while still appealing to children - hence "coming of age." JJ did his "coming of age" movie with Super 8, but the problem was he make that movie AFTER HIS OWN DIRECTORIAL TRANSITION, which was Felicity-era JJ, so it was compiled of memories of what things were like, not experiences of how things ARE.
It's harder to portray that emotional innocence if yours is gone - it'll only work once.
That's why movies like Stand by Me (Rob Reiner grows up) and Now and Then (Lesli Linka Glatter grows up) actually work, but movies like Moonrise Kingdom fail. Moonrise Kingdom was very cute, yes, but it was never innocent. Parts of it were supposed to be, but it was far too cunning to ever get there.
The kicker is this: John Carter is what the Star Wars prequels should have been: a vehicle fully aware of the tropes and cliches involved in the story so it utilizes them to its advantage. Sensational, pulpy, cheesy, and ridiculously fun.
Compare that to something like Snow White and the Huntsman, which was just a series of bullshit used and irrelevant ideas that were painted to look pretty, completely oblivious to both source material and innovation.
Granted, John Carter doesn't necessarily mean anything either other than the celebration of telling a fun story. It's also a pretty movie with pretty people, but they're presented differently. When they give the princess a sword, it's not a novel idea that she's a woman with a sword. It's not supposed to represent a transformation - everyone in the movie can use a sword. All of the women and all of the men. This is never pointed out with a line like, "Our women are equal!" It's just the way it is. There's no reason to point it out. Our villain is the bad guy because he wants to be a bad guy. Our hero is the hero because he's...well, it's because he's fucking American. But they amp that cheesiness up too, and nearly satirize it but never get all ironically detached and uselessly sarcastic, and I dig that.
I would love it if Andrew Stanton was captaining the Disney Star Wars franchise. But maybe not anymore...after all, he already made his John Carter.
...
Remember when I said I wrote something about Star Wars? I said it before and I'll say it again, talking about Star Wars is fucking cliche, but when something shapes your childhood pretending it's not important to you is just plain silly.
Then again, this isn't really about Star Wars at all - and it's more about how Hollywood fucks things up sometimes, and how they get it right sometimes.
Here is the abridged version of what I wrote a month ago:
First of all, I loves me some JJ Abrams. Alias and Lost are two of my favorite shows, Super 8 was fun (but waaaaaay too polished and aware for a coming-of-age movie) and I thoroughly enjoyed Star Trek, although I am an infant in Trek lore, so any arguments about JJ ruining Star Trek with lens flares don't even register.
But the man is a walking gimmick. His name a gimmick. Obviously he's not as gimmicky as someone like Peter Jackson, who couldn't identify a gimmick if a hobbit kicked him in the nards. Peter Jackson is so gimmicky he's George Lucas. Since JJ gained a reputation as a creator of cult TV his name evokes certain feelings of dedication and camaraderie, and Star Trek was his breakthrough for those people who hadn't caught on yet.
For Star Wars we need a director who is pure and raw with a coming-of-age feel, not well-seasoned and mature with little adolescent idiosyncrasies. Maybe the guy that directed Attack the Block, but then again THAT was his coming-of-age movie. If this were a few years ago I'd say Rian Johnson, but Looper pushed him up a notch from Brick, which was like watching a snake juggle knives and I mean that with the utmost respect. Star Wars should MAKE the director and not the other way around. People are looking at this thing in a totally wrong way.
Of course, Star Wars is itself a gimmick, it's a classic hero story and it's totally a coming-of-age movie, and not in the when-oh-when-will-I-lose-that-v-card sense, but in a teenager-learns-to-make-decisions-for-someone-other-than-himself kind of sense. And it works because it was made by a man who was, at that time, coming-of-age in his career.
Kind of like - okay, Andrew Stanton, who did Wall-E and Finding Nemo, would have been a good choice. But then he made John Carter.
Before that he hadn't yet made the full transition into adult topics - the first of a trilogy is always about finding your footing and beginning somewhere, so it would make sense to have a director transitioning into more adult topics while still appealing to children - hence "coming of age." JJ did his "coming of age" movie with Super 8, but the problem was he make that movie AFTER HIS OWN DIRECTORIAL TRANSITION, which was Felicity-era JJ, so it was compiled of memories of what things were like, not experiences of how things ARE.
It's harder to portray that emotional innocence if yours is gone - it'll only work once.
That's why movies like Stand by Me (Rob Reiner grows up) and Now and Then (Lesli Linka Glatter grows up) actually work, but movies like Moonrise Kingdom fail. Moonrise Kingdom was very cute, yes, but it was never innocent. Parts of it were supposed to be, but it was far too cunning to ever get there.
The kicker is this: John Carter is what the Star Wars prequels should have been: a vehicle fully aware of the tropes and cliches involved in the story so it utilizes them to its advantage. Sensational, pulpy, cheesy, and ridiculously fun.
Compare that to something like Snow White and the Huntsman, which was just a series of bullshit used and irrelevant ideas that were painted to look pretty, completely oblivious to both source material and innovation.
- Exhibit A: Fuck you, Rupert Sanders. Use real fucking dwarves. Haven't Peter Dinklage and Warwick Davis taught Hollywood anything in the past two years?
- Exhibit B: Queen that is mean because of some dumb groan-worthy background story that villifies feminism (a woman's only desire for power is to get back at the man that wronged her! Not everything is about you) and instead turns an otherwise interesting power-hungry character into a hackneyed woman who is bad because she is getting old and ugly, and women do not like to be ugly. You know what could have made a rad story? Re-write the whole damn thing to focus on Charlize Theron's rise and fall as The Evil Queen. It could be like Wicked (the book, not the shitty musical about shallow BFFs that fight because they totally have a crush on the same guy).
- Exhibit C: Pretty girl that everyone believes is special but we have no fucking idea why, since she's boring and annoying. And then Thor is all like, "you're a girl, you can't survive in the forest" and she's all, "no, I'm really pretty so no one will kill me" and then Rupert Sanders is like "let's give her a sword for no reason so we know she's a strong woman now! Swords = strong." (??????)
Granted, John Carter doesn't necessarily mean anything either other than the celebration of telling a fun story. It's also a pretty movie with pretty people, but they're presented differently. When they give the princess a sword, it's not a novel idea that she's a woman with a sword. It's not supposed to represent a transformation - everyone in the movie can use a sword. All of the women and all of the men. This is never pointed out with a line like, "Our women are equal!" It's just the way it is. There's no reason to point it out. Our villain is the bad guy because he wants to be a bad guy. Our hero is the hero because he's...well, it's because he's fucking American. But they amp that cheesiness up too, and nearly satirize it but never get all ironically detached and uselessly sarcastic, and I dig that.
I would love it if Andrew Stanton was captaining the Disney Star Wars franchise. But maybe not anymore...after all, he already made his John Carter.
...
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Your Phone Is Dumb
LISTEN:
When I say you're being rude because you're constantly on your phone, it's because it's true.
When you tell me, "whatevs n00bs, you would do the same thing if you had a smart phone" I agree with your statement.
But here's the difference between you and me: I DO NOT HAVE A SMART PHONE, THUS I AM NOT ALWAYS ON MY PHONE. Your argument is invalid.
Is cocaine fun? I'm sure it is. It's probably awesome. But I have no desire, ever, to do cocaine. People on coke piss me off. Because they're idiots. Plus I would get dangerously addicted.
(in the biz that's what we call a metaphor)
Thankfully, no one is sitting around trying to pressure me into snorting coke (we are in our thirties and have much better things to do, like high five strangers on the street and take pictures of ourselves with other peoples dogs, or go to the supermarket and purchase one grape). But a minimum of three times a day someone tells me how annoying it is that I don't have a smart phone, which doesn't make any sense.
My phone always has a signal, always has battery power. It can call and text. My apartment is a dead zone, but that's my apartment, not my phone.
Go on, get defensive. Talk about how it's annoying that I...I don't know. Cannot take or receive pictures. You can talk about how it's annoying that I find constant phoning fucking annoying. I don't give a shit.
It's obnoxious. Sure, I will joke around and ask people to look stuff up on their Galaxy. Plus it's funny to fuck with people sometimes. One time CrazyLiz and I texted Scooter just so he would tag us at a bar on Facebook. Scooter was, obviously, at home in a completely different city. But Liz and I refuse to get smart phones and people are constantly bitching about it. If you care where we are so much, then do the work for us. Of course, Scooter is probably the one person that doesn't give a shit where we are or what we're doing, which made the whole thing greater. To us.
Can you people think of one legit reason as to why I would want a smart phone?
There is a difference between "sorry, this might be an emergency" and "omg, Cute Guy just said something hilare on FB! LIKE!"
Is it ironic that I write blogs on the internet but do not like smart phones? I'm not sure. I write a blog to let out frustration, tell stories, share ideas. And by "share ideas" I don't mean post pictures of things I like. When I started doing this I did it to develop a dialogue for my thoughts, as a way for me to understand things about myself and why I behaved a certain way. Meeting fellow bloggers was a plus - people who felt the same way I did about the concept of ideas but had completely different ideas themselves. I didn't really start sharing this blog with friends (other than a very select few) until all those bloggers all but disappeared and moved on...
I feel like the very nature of a smart phone - immediate gratification without thought or purpose - is discordant with the reason I like the internet in the first place. I like the thinking part. This is, perhaps, part of the reason why I don't like Yelp - it's letting random ass people do your thinking for you. It doesn't feel like sharing ideas, it feels like a fucking circle jerk.
Personally, I'm far more interested in why you like using a smart phone. All of the positives I can think of for smart phone technology feel like negatives to me, so there must be a reason, and my inability to look at it from another perspective is worrisome. So if anyone would like to explain it...please help.
They make me feel disconnected from people, disconnected from the world which is odd, since they're supposed to make you feel more connected. They scare me. They make me feel boastful and superficial, and I do not like feeling that way. People may see me as boastful or superficial, and that's fine. I can't help that. I just don't want to feel that way.
Otherwise, from now on if I notice someone check their phone in the middle of a conversation without reason, I'm just going to walk away.
...
When I say you're being rude because you're constantly on your phone, it's because it's true.
When you tell me, "whatevs n00bs, you would do the same thing if you had a smart phone" I agree with your statement.
But here's the difference between you and me: I DO NOT HAVE A SMART PHONE, THUS I AM NOT ALWAYS ON MY PHONE. Your argument is invalid.
Is cocaine fun? I'm sure it is. It's probably awesome. But I have no desire, ever, to do cocaine. People on coke piss me off. Because they're idiots. Plus I would get dangerously addicted.
(in the biz that's what we call a metaphor)
Thankfully, no one is sitting around trying to pressure me into snorting coke (we are in our thirties and have much better things to do, like high five strangers on the street and take pictures of ourselves with other peoples dogs, or go to the supermarket and purchase one grape). But a minimum of three times a day someone tells me how annoying it is that I don't have a smart phone, which doesn't make any sense.
My phone always has a signal, always has battery power. It can call and text. My apartment is a dead zone, but that's my apartment, not my phone.
Go on, get defensive. Talk about how it's annoying that I...I don't know. Cannot take or receive pictures. You can talk about how it's annoying that I find constant phoning fucking annoying. I don't give a shit.
It's obnoxious. Sure, I will joke around and ask people to look stuff up on their Galaxy. Plus it's funny to fuck with people sometimes. One time CrazyLiz and I texted Scooter just so he would tag us at a bar on Facebook. Scooter was, obviously, at home in a completely different city. But Liz and I refuse to get smart phones and people are constantly bitching about it. If you care where we are so much, then do the work for us. Of course, Scooter is probably the one person that doesn't give a shit where we are or what we're doing, which made the whole thing greater. To us.
Can you people think of one legit reason as to why I would want a smart phone?
- GPS: I'm old school, I will straight up ask strangers for directions before I ask you to check your phone. Personal favorite people to ask: delivery drivers.
- Friends always argue, "No, you never ask directions." That's a lie. I never ask you to look up directions on your phone because I like to wander.
- To ask someone for directions, there is a requirement: we have to find a fucking person. So until we find a person I cannot ask for directions.
- Caveat: I will ask for your help if you are being annoying and you keep on saying, "I can just look it up on my phone. Why can't I just look it up on my phone? This would be so much easier if I just looked it up on my phone." THIS IS BECAUSE YOU ARE RUINING PERFECTLY GOOD WANDERING TIME.
- Honestly, your phone is fucking wrong half the time anyway.
- Knowing things: I value people who have knowledge, not people who are good googlers. Your ability to google does not fucking impress me. The worst is when people google things for the sole purpose of proving me wrong - I wouldn't say it if I didn't know it, dick. If that were the case I would preface the statement with, "I don't know if this is right, but..." If you've never heard me say that, then you are not paying attention. Probably because you're on your fucking phone. Also, why are you being a lameball funsuck? We could spend this time having a discussion with actual thought processes. We could be yelling at each other for fun right now.
- Photos: I can bring a camera.
- Argument: "you get mad when you're not in pictures"
- No, I'm sad when I don't feel photogenic. There is a difference.
- Besides, saying, "OMG, take a picture of me doing this! Wait, now take a picture of me doing this!" makes me feel stupid.
- Videos: I don't really care for them. I don't want to be on Youtube. I don't want to be famous. Don't you think that if I wanted to be famous I would put my real name on this blog and try to monetize it somehow? Yes. I would.
- Tagging: I don't give a shit if I get "tagged" on Facebook. Do you know why? Because I don't give a fuck when anyone is tagged.
- The common defense that people use for this is: "Well, then I won't tag you." Cool. I'm not going to notice anyway, seeing as I -
(a) don't have a smart phone
(b) will not scour your page to make sure I was included in your tags when I get around to Facebook - Sometimes people point out whenever they do not tag me out of spite and mockery, which I get - like I said, it's funny to fuck with people sometimes. I usually fake whine and laugh it off, but it's really starting to get old.
- Is it sociopathic if I do not give a shit what people are doing at every moment of the day?
- The common defense that people use for this is: "Well, then I won't tag you." Cool. I'm not going to notice anyway, seeing as I -
- I had an Oscar party on Sunday, and at one point I looked up and EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THE ROOM EXCEPT FOR ME WAS LOOKING AT THEIR PHONE. Granted, I was glued to the TV, and I totally ran over to my laptop every half hour to put something funny on Facebook. The purpose of our gathering was to be in a room and look at a screen together. Adding more screens to the mix just made things hilarious.
- I'm guilty of asking people to watch a certain video or play a song, but that's putting in requests to someone who is already watching videos or listening to music. Perspective, people - if we're engaged in an activity together, the phone is secondary. If you didn't have your smart phone we would just be doing something else.
"Shit. Hold on guys, I need to take this," I'm shaking as I leave the patio table in front of the bar and answer my phone, partly because it's cold outside, partly out of fear, and partly because I'm a little hungover. Or a lot hungover. Whatever.Is this for your job? Remember that part in Hook when Robin Williams answers his phone in front of his kids and then acts like a total dick? That's you. You're the guy who forgot how to play. Go suck on a dead dog's nose.
This is a big fucking deal, because I don't do that. I also don't use call waiting, and I won't talk on the phone while I'm hanging out with someone else. It's fucking rude. Seriously, if I'm constantly texting someone when I'm around you it means I don't want to be around you.
Exceptions to these rules include but are not limited to (1) giving directions to a member of our party who has yet to arrive, (2) receiving directions for a destination to which we have yet to travel, and (3) my mother, because she only calls when something is wrong.
There is a difference between "sorry, this might be an emergency" and "omg, Cute Guy just said something hilare on FB! LIKE!"
Is it ironic that I write blogs on the internet but do not like smart phones? I'm not sure. I write a blog to let out frustration, tell stories, share ideas. And by "share ideas" I don't mean post pictures of things I like. When I started doing this I did it to develop a dialogue for my thoughts, as a way for me to understand things about myself and why I behaved a certain way. Meeting fellow bloggers was a plus - people who felt the same way I did about the concept of ideas but had completely different ideas themselves. I didn't really start sharing this blog with friends (other than a very select few) until all those bloggers all but disappeared and moved on...
I feel like the very nature of a smart phone - immediate gratification without thought or purpose - is discordant with the reason I like the internet in the first place. I like the thinking part. This is, perhaps, part of the reason why I don't like Yelp - it's letting random ass people do your thinking for you. It doesn't feel like sharing ideas, it feels like a fucking circle jerk.
Personally, I'm far more interested in why you like using a smart phone. All of the positives I can think of for smart phone technology feel like negatives to me, so there must be a reason, and my inability to look at it from another perspective is worrisome. So if anyone would like to explain it...please help.
They make me feel disconnected from people, disconnected from the world which is odd, since they're supposed to make you feel more connected. They scare me. They make me feel boastful and superficial, and I do not like feeling that way. People may see me as boastful or superficial, and that's fine. I can't help that. I just don't want to feel that way.
Otherwise, from now on if I notice someone check their phone in the middle of a conversation without reason, I'm just going to walk away.
...
Thursday, February 21, 2013
You Can Be A Winner
My favorite thing about The Game of Life (I'm definitely talking about the board game) is that everything in Life is up to Chance and taking risks, and I do not believe in Fate.
College in Life is a choice - you can still dominate the game without it. Being a doctor or a lawyer or a teacher has absolutely nothing to do with all of the other shit Life throws your way, because there are all of these priceless artifacts to discover and mountains to climb and thieves to catch.
When I was little I always wanted to be the lawyer (not the doctor - doctors are scary) or skip college and go straight to the ponies. Skipping college, however, was not an option. Skipping college was not even allowed in a hypothetical board game in the Rossi house.
So I'd cross my fingers and pray for lawyer, and if I wasn't a lawyer I would consider cheating, but never do it. I despise cheating.
One time I cheated in college and then I viciously scolded myself to tears. (You do NOT cheat you are better than that no you're not you don't work for anything you expect recognition for shit you didn't do because why because you're a fucking worthless person and guys can't even stand to LOOK at you, you can't even fake smart or pretty and there's no reason to even be around people if you can't give them something to think about or something to look at...etc.)
Luckily, I do not scold myself anymore. Do you hear that? I DO NOT SCOLD MYSELF ANYMORE.
My sister also wanted to be the lawyer, and if she didn't get her way she would pout and scream and yell until the whole family would say, "oh look your spin was a 7 instead of a 3 and you're totes a lawyer, LYLAS" so she would shut the fuck up, and then I'd be all, "Well I wanna be a lawyer tooooooo" and then everyone would just get majicked into lawyers and we passed money around and kept on starting over and starting over and never finished the game.
I feel like that means something. After awhile I came to loathe that game, and I just played it again a few weeks ago and now I know: this game is fucking rad.
...
One of my other favorites was Mastermind.
I was terrified to play Mastermind at first. In the back of my head it was forbidden, reserved only for adults because it unlocked secret psychoses and taught you about the power of temptation when faced with brutal truth and brains, like a right of passage or an emotional ordeal venturing into the depths of chaos - and not an intangible realm of chaos but the chaos within myself, I would be confronted with my most tumultuous fears that would RIP ME THE FUCK APART and then the overlords will watch, silently, as I struggled to puzzle myself back together.
Eventually, after a few years of being terrified of this game, which sat in an easily child-accessible cabinet along with Life, Candyland, and Don't Break The Ice, I would take out the mangled box and hypnotically stare at the cover before shamefully jamming it back into the pile of games. How could I ever defeat this villain if I never accepted his challenge? Also, does he have polio?
This went on from the ages of 5 to 8. I really let this game psych me out.
Then one day I asked my parents if I could play Mastermind and they argued over who should teach me, I remember, and my mom won out in the end. We started playing constantly, and I remember thinking that I was so silly for assuming so much about a game based on the cover of the box.
Here's something fucked up that I just realized, just now, because I tried to find a copy on Amazon, and I thought, "I want an old school one, with the ambiguously-evil Professor White Guy and His Indian Mistress."
What?
Where did I learn that?
My parents definitely never taught me that. They never said I wasn't allowed to play, they never told me to leave it alone, I just took one look at the cover and was like, "That guy and his young racially different girlfriend are going to make me feel terrible about my brain."
My parents had the Deluxe Edition from the first picture - and when I was looking for images of these games, I was flustered.
They all feature a white Bond villain in a position of power, backed by his racially-diverse feminine counterpart, who is purposely lounging with curvy mystique, casually lining the contours of her body with a graceful arm, her other arm resting behind the Master himself...
But wait.
Is he the Master, or she? She always looks bored and in perfect control, whereas he is in the forefront with shrewd pomposity - and I feel like, although he is our competition - she is our threat.
This is terrifying. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? AM I A RACIST? That must be it, I am a complete racist - look at the words I used above - forbidden, mystique - were all of those words conjuring up some kind of irrational fear in me as a child because this game had a brown woman on the cover? And because I am white, she is an other so she's playing by different rules...was that my thought process? How did that happen? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. (Don't yell at yourself, don't yell at yourself, you have done nothing wrong DO NOT YELL AT YOURSELF)
I've never understood the idea of saying "I don't see color, it doesn't matter to me" because it fucking matters. Skin color shapes our identity, and ignoring such a massive, outward aspect of someone's identity is sad.
I must delve deeper. I must think more about this.
Why is she the threat? Because she looks like a fucking puppet master, that's why! Obviously draping one arm all like, "See, nothing here" and then the other one is all hidden because it is TOTALLY STUFFED INSIDE HER BOND VILLAIN VENTRILOQUIST DUMMY.
She's a threat because of that haughty, dispassionate composure. She hasn't had a single day of happiness in her life, unless you count all the times she eviscerated her enemies with her mind. Perhaps it's because the set-up of the picture is too perfect - the shadowed man pressing his fingertips - when and where did the pressed fingertips as a sign of villainous aggression originate? Why is this a thing? Are we, as people, predisposed to associate the body language behind pressed fingertips with a threat, or are we conditioned to do so because bad guys do it in movies sometimes?
I will have to research this.
...
College in Life is a choice - you can still dominate the game without it. Being a doctor or a lawyer or a teacher has absolutely nothing to do with all of the other shit Life throws your way, because there are all of these priceless artifacts to discover and mountains to climb and thieves to catch.
When I was little I always wanted to be the lawyer (not the doctor - doctors are scary) or skip college and go straight to the ponies. Skipping college, however, was not an option. Skipping college was not even allowed in a hypothetical board game in the Rossi house.
So I'd cross my fingers and pray for lawyer, and if I wasn't a lawyer I would consider cheating, but never do it. I despise cheating.
One time I cheated in college and then I viciously scolded myself to tears. (You do NOT cheat you are better than that no you're not you don't work for anything you expect recognition for shit you didn't do because why because you're a fucking worthless person and guys can't even stand to LOOK at you, you can't even fake smart or pretty and there's no reason to even be around people if you can't give them something to think about or something to look at...etc.)
Luckily, I do not scold myself anymore. Do you hear that? I DO NOT SCOLD MYSELF ANYMORE.
My sister also wanted to be the lawyer, and if she didn't get her way she would pout and scream and yell until the whole family would say, "oh look your spin was a 7 instead of a 3 and you're totes a lawyer, LYLAS" so she would shut the fuck up, and then I'd be all, "Well I wanna be a lawyer tooooooo" and then everyone would just get majicked into lawyers and we passed money around and kept on starting over and starting over and never finished the game.
I feel like that means something. After awhile I came to loathe that game, and I just played it again a few weeks ago and now I know: this game is fucking rad.
...
One of my other favorites was Mastermind.
I was terrified to play Mastermind at first. In the back of my head it was forbidden, reserved only for adults because it unlocked secret psychoses and taught you about the power of temptation when faced with brutal truth and brains, like a right of passage or an emotional ordeal venturing into the depths of chaos - and not an intangible realm of chaos but the chaos within myself, I would be confronted with my most tumultuous fears that would RIP ME THE FUCK APART and then the overlords will watch, silently, as I struggled to puzzle myself back together.
Eventually, after a few years of being terrified of this game, which sat in an easily child-accessible cabinet along with Life, Candyland, and Don't Break The Ice, I would take out the mangled box and hypnotically stare at the cover before shamefully jamming it back into the pile of games. How could I ever defeat this villain if I never accepted his challenge? Also, does he have polio?
This went on from the ages of 5 to 8. I really let this game psych me out.
Then one day I asked my parents if I could play Mastermind and they argued over who should teach me, I remember, and my mom won out in the end. We started playing constantly, and I remember thinking that I was so silly for assuming so much about a game based on the cover of the box.
Here's something fucked up that I just realized, just now, because I tried to find a copy on Amazon, and I thought, "I want an old school one, with the ambiguously-evil Professor White Guy and His Indian Mistress."
What?
Where did I learn that?
My parents definitely never taught me that. They never said I wasn't allowed to play, they never told me to leave it alone, I just took one look at the cover and was like, "That guy and his young racially different girlfriend are going to make me feel terrible about my brain."
They all feature a white Bond villain in a position of power, backed by his racially-diverse feminine counterpart, who is purposely lounging with curvy mystique, casually lining the contours of her body with a graceful arm, her other arm resting behind the Master himself...
But wait.
Is he the Master, or she? She always looks bored and in perfect control, whereas he is in the forefront with shrewd pomposity - and I feel like, although he is our competition - she is our threat.
This is terrifying. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? AM I A RACIST? That must be it, I am a complete racist - look at the words I used above - forbidden, mystique - were all of those words conjuring up some kind of irrational fear in me as a child because this game had a brown woman on the cover? And because I am white, she is an other so she's playing by different rules...was that my thought process? How did that happen? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. (Don't yell at yourself, don't yell at yourself, you have done nothing wrong DO NOT YELL AT YOURSELF)
I've never understood the idea of saying "I don't see color, it doesn't matter to me" because it fucking matters. Skin color shapes our identity, and ignoring such a massive, outward aspect of someone's identity is sad.
I must delve deeper. I must think more about this.
Why is she the threat? Because she looks like a fucking puppet master, that's why! Obviously draping one arm all like, "See, nothing here" and then the other one is all hidden because it is TOTALLY STUFFED INSIDE HER BOND VILLAIN VENTRILOQUIST DUMMY.
She's a threat because of that haughty, dispassionate composure. She hasn't had a single day of happiness in her life, unless you count all the times she eviscerated her enemies with her mind. Perhaps it's because the set-up of the picture is too perfect - the shadowed man pressing his fingertips - when and where did the pressed fingertips as a sign of villainous aggression originate? Why is this a thing? Are we, as people, predisposed to associate the body language behind pressed fingertips with a threat, or are we conditioned to do so because bad guys do it in movies sometimes?
I will have to research this.
...
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Giving It Up
I wrote this incredibly long blog post about Star Wars.
Not posting it. (Yet?)
The most interesting thing that came out of writing 42 inches of ramblings on fucking Star Wars - something I never, ever in my life expected I would do - was that I feel an intense shame at loving something so cliche. Even something as simple, universal, and super duper neato as Star Wars.
Instead of posting I berated myself for looking into things too deeply, for being embarrassed because I care about something. I'm not proud to love something childhood-defining like Star Wars anymore. I feel trite and generic and unsuitable, I feel the premature (and totally unlikely) slings and barbs from millions of internet strangers who will judge me for the banality of my mind and HOLY MOTHBALLS am I afraid of being wrong and being judged by those who are more worthy of attention. I'm afraid of being pigeonholed into a girl who does things to impress people instead of a person who wants to do them. I'm afraid of being a fraud. No, that's a lie. I'm afraid of people thinking I'm a fraud.
I know I am not a fraud.
Now I'm mad about something that hasn't happened yet. ACCEPT THE WAY I VIEW MYSELF WITHOUT PROOF, PEOPLE. I AM SPECIAL. I DEMAND YOU BELIEVE THAT I WROTE THIS THING THAT WOULD ESTABLISH AN OPINION, BUT I AM NOT SHARING THAT OPINION WITH YOU.
Maybe I'm adhered to old personality traits to an unhealthy degree, identifying with a self that brought me so much social discomfort that I won't let go out of sheer obstinence (fuck you, word derivations, this is way better than obstinateness) or for fear of losing my identity, when in reality identity is something we create rather than succumb to. We build upon our natural tendencies and choose to show people what we are comfortable showing.
The identity that I've created for myself, it appears, is built upon anger, bitterness, humor, otherness. I'm sure of who I am but really unsure as to why. That's why is Star Wars is relevant.
Obviously this is not really about Star Wars at all, it's about every form of entertainment I gravitate towards and how I allow them to shape my perception of myself and the world. But it's also about how I allow my feelings about these stories shape how I see myself, it's about how I congratulate myself because I value specific things. That's fucked. (It's okay if I'm lonely, I am a "good" judge of television shows!)
Please allow me to nerd out:
Right now nerds are a hot topic (well, let's be honest, nerds have been a hot topic for years) because of the obvious things: the generation of people who grew up feeling shame for loving things now resent the universal acceptance younger fans have in society and the world at large. Since the elders have been trained to feel shame for their very existence, they now feel it for resenting these young fans because this is what they wanted for themselves, and they worked hard to make things easier for the next generation of "nerds", who aren't even nerds anymore because nerds are "overly intellectual, obsessive, or socially impaired," and nerdy interests are no longer things that make one a social outcast. The elders are jealous.
So instead of admitting the above paragraph is for true, elder nerds call the newcomers fake and phony, which is fucking stupid. It's a purely selfish thing.
It's purely selfish and narcissistic for me to refuse to give a reader the chance to make a decision about me, as a person, unless I've guided them strategically towards that decision. It makes me controlling.
I've never wanted to write about the topic of nerds. There are people out there that are better suited for those writings, people that are respected, people who beat the topic into the foundation of the internet, people who do not need someone to validate their expertise. Besides, who wants to read my thoughts on that crap? Throwing more water in the rat soup will yield more soup, but it doesn't improve the taste.
Fuck it. I'm going to post my thoughts on this shit because I fucking damn well want to, and I don't care if it bores you. Once I started to believe I was abnormal and wrong as a person I turned paranoid. No more.
This year for Lent: I am giving up guilt and shame.
...
Not posting it. (Yet?)
The most interesting thing that came out of writing 42 inches of ramblings on fucking Star Wars - something I never, ever in my life expected I would do - was that I feel an intense shame at loving something so cliche. Even something as simple, universal, and super duper neato as Star Wars.
Instead of posting I berated myself for looking into things too deeply, for being embarrassed because I care about something. I'm not proud to love something childhood-defining like Star Wars anymore. I feel trite and generic and unsuitable, I feel the premature (and totally unlikely) slings and barbs from millions of internet strangers who will judge me for the banality of my mind and HOLY MOTHBALLS am I afraid of being wrong and being judged by those who are more worthy of attention. I'm afraid of being pigeonholed into a girl who does things to impress people instead of a person who wants to do them. I'm afraid of being a fraud. No, that's a lie. I'm afraid of people thinking I'm a fraud.
I know I am not a fraud.
Now I'm mad about something that hasn't happened yet. ACCEPT THE WAY I VIEW MYSELF WITHOUT PROOF, PEOPLE. I AM SPECIAL. I DEMAND YOU BELIEVE THAT I WROTE THIS THING THAT WOULD ESTABLISH AN OPINION, BUT I AM NOT SHARING THAT OPINION WITH YOU.
Maybe I'm adhered to old personality traits to an unhealthy degree, identifying with a self that brought me so much social discomfort that I won't let go out of sheer obstinence (fuck you, word derivations, this is way better than obstinateness) or for fear of losing my identity, when in reality identity is something we create rather than succumb to. We build upon our natural tendencies and choose to show people what we are comfortable showing.
The identity that I've created for myself, it appears, is built upon anger, bitterness, humor, otherness. I'm sure of who I am but really unsure as to why. That's why is Star Wars is relevant.
Obviously this is not really about Star Wars at all, it's about every form of entertainment I gravitate towards and how I allow them to shape my perception of myself and the world. But it's also about how I allow my feelings about these stories shape how I see myself, it's about how I congratulate myself because I value specific things. That's fucked. (It's okay if I'm lonely, I am a "good" judge of television shows!)
Please allow me to nerd out:
Right now nerds are a hot topic (well, let's be honest, nerds have been a hot topic for years) because of the obvious things: the generation of people who grew up feeling shame for loving things now resent the universal acceptance younger fans have in society and the world at large. Since the elders have been trained to feel shame for their very existence, they now feel it for resenting these young fans because this is what they wanted for themselves, and they worked hard to make things easier for the next generation of "nerds", who aren't even nerds anymore because nerds are "overly intellectual, obsessive, or socially impaired," and nerdy interests are no longer things that make one a social outcast. The elders are jealous.
So instead of admitting the above paragraph is for true, elder nerds call the newcomers fake and phony, which is fucking stupid. It's a purely selfish thing.
It's purely selfish and narcissistic for me to refuse to give a reader the chance to make a decision about me, as a person, unless I've guided them strategically towards that decision. It makes me controlling.
I've never wanted to write about the topic of nerds. There are people out there that are better suited for those writings, people that are respected, people who beat the topic into the foundation of the internet, people who do not need someone to validate their expertise. Besides, who wants to read my thoughts on that crap? Throwing more water in the rat soup will yield more soup, but it doesn't improve the taste.
Fuck it. I'm going to post my thoughts on this shit because I fucking damn well want to, and I don't care if it bores you. Once I started to believe I was abnormal and wrong as a person I turned paranoid. No more.
This year for Lent: I am giving up guilt and shame.
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