Monday, April 9, 2007

In which I explain why Grindhouse is awesome.

This blog is dedicated to Gyna, because she's being a cocktease and won't go see Grindhouse with me tonight. At the end of our conversation she was all, "And we will totally see Grindhouse" and I was all, "Really? Tonight? No f-in way" and then she was all "Well I didn't mean tonight" and I was all "you're a goddamn whore" and then she was all "I'm probably just going to go to bed" and I was all "hell fucking no, bitch, you're gonna sit in the theatre with me for four hours because GRINDHOUSE IS AWESOME" and then then she was all "prolly not but eventually someday" and I was all "fine then I'll just make someone else go with me."

So I guess the point of this blog is this:

1. Gyna is a dumb bitch.

2. Grindhouse is awesome.

3. Who wants to go see Grindhouse tonight? It tore my world asunder. To quote Adam, "You better not wear socks. Cuz they're gonna get rocked the fuck off."

Grindhouse is like...ok, let's say your ex-boyfriend that cheated on you and accidentally ran over your dog with his car shows up at your door with with an assful of shitty avocado-wasabi-roasted-red-pepper-and-tilapia-on-ninegrain-whole-wheat sandwiches from Cosi and a case of Miller Lite and says, "Hey, eat these sandwiches with me and drink this beer with me and lets make up" and you say, "Fuck that, Miller Lite tastes like ass and Cosi sucks and so do you and it would be way cooler if you got hit and snagged by several stray whaling harpoons and smashed into a wall of pointy crack needles that's on fire and then eaten alive balls-first by a colony of fire-immune fire ants" and then it HAPPENS.

I really don't know how else to describe how awesome this movie is.


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