Monday, December 19, 2005

Not just King Kong Schming Kong.

Saw another movie.

Now with me and movies, it's like, ok, fine, that thirteen year old girl was just raped by her stepdad and now her inner demons are creating multiple personalities and making her torture her little sister...won't cry. Or if a newborn baby gets thrown out of a twelve story window and onto a railroad spike, survives, and then gets run over by a motorbike, I'll grimace, but no tears. Or if long lost lovers find each other only to lose each other again through some traumatic events involving starvation and addiction and war and sexually transmitted diseases, I'm not getting all worked up.

But the tribulations of a giant shackled gorilla are enough to make me fucking lose it. I cried for like half an hour. Poor Kong. It was awesome, by the way.

And CrazyLiz, your whole "King Kong Schming Kong" spiel is blasphemous.

Top Eleven Movies That Might Just Drive Me To Suicide Because I Can't Stand The Sadness
(in no particular order):

  1. The Red Pony
  2. Amores Perros
  3. Godfather III (Don't fucking get me started...I know the movie sucks, but the man is just sitting on a chair, all alone, then topples over while the annoying little dog sniffs his lifeless body? are you fucking kidding me?)
  4. The Battle of Algiers
  5. Dancer in the Dark (Good God, ask my old roommates about that one. They came home and I was sitting on the couch, all red and swollen. My entire body was wailing. I didn't stop for like four hours.)
  6. The Last Unicorn
  7. Marty (Even though it gets happy, I still cry for like the first hour.)
  8. Old Yeller (duh)
  9. Gorillas in the Mist (Can't get this outta my head, now, especially, after Kong.)
  10. Whale Rider (Another one that's not completely sad, but the poor whales.)
  11. ET

So yeah. pattern much? basically, animals make me cry. Granted, numbers 3, 4, 5, and 7 really have nothing to do with animals. Whatever. The point is, tears ensue.

What we have learned:
  • If you hurt some puppies, I will fucking kill you.
  • Poach gorillas? kill you.
  • Beach whales? kill you.
  • Leave your pony in the rain? kill you.
  • Turn back into a unicorn after living as a human and having a prince fall in love with you and chasing The Red Bull into the ocean thereby saving all of the unicorns in the world? That's fine, but I'll cry. real hard.
...

1 comment:

Betsey Booms said...

What about that movie where Christian Slater has a baboon heart?

Because I get all sad thinking about that poor, fictional baboon king and then you know Christian Slater is all dead.