Thursday, July 13, 2006

The Smash Man

Top Eight Reason Why Lewis Was The Shit:

8. He always commented on my blogs. Even when they were crappy, nonsensical ramblings about the Brothers Grimm or Saved by the Bell. Even if he didn't care, he pretended he did, which is better than anyone else has done. For that, Lewis, I thank you.

7. That bitch could fucking hang.

6. He initiated an excellent prank on Schmee, which involved a fictional proposal to M.E. and several hours of awestruck phone calls where Schmee remained convinced that Lewis and M.E. were to be wed. Best part about this prank: he participated wholeheartedly, knowing full well that it made a slight mockery of his previous real-life rushed engagement. He was always willing to laugh at himself, and I admire that.

5. I constantly made fun of his hair. I'm not apologizing for this at all, because it was always in jest. The last couple of months his hair has been dyed, cut, and styled in about seven hundred thousand different bitch-ass ways. My personal favorite was the jet black forward emo sweep. I believe my exact words were, "Do you cut yourself now, Emo boy?" And his response was a giddy smile, nod, and giant hug. Way to be cool about everything, Smash Man.

4. He had this distinct, energetic, and slightly pathetic way of mumbling through a song during live band karaoke. He would close his eyes and sing like it was his job, throughout every single horribley wonderful eighties ballad. It was really quite endearing. We both have an affection for awful eighties rock, and most importantly, we recognized that it was in fact, awful music. But awful does not equal bad. Awful = awesome. They share more letters. He had no shame in his musical tastes. Fuck yeah.

3. I held a slight grudge against him for awhile. I've since let go, because it was stupid. But I held it nonetheless. For that I'm sorry. I never told him why or accused him of anything, because I didn't think it was worth arguing about...but honestly, if it wasn't worth arguing about why did I hold a grudge in the first place? Because I'm without both a spine and a heart when it comes to saying "Thank you." He thanked me eventually, two months later. Maybe someone told him, maybe not. Doesn't matter. I'd forgotten about it. Now I remember it, and feel guilty. But he was cool about it, and if he knew about the grudge, he dealt with it in as gentlemenly a manner as possible. He was a bigger person than me, for that.

2. We rarely hung out outside of live band. He visited me at Gino's, we went out for suishi once (and listened intently to my story about being hit on by Salty Pete, which is impressive, because I talk a lot, and he paid attention the whole time), and he came out for birthdays. For that,he's a trooper for putting up with our crap.

1. Although we technically never got to smash anything together, we talked about it constantly. It was a running joke between wannabe meatheads (and really, who wants to be a meathead? Answer: me and Lewis).

Lewis was the only person I knew who smiled with both rows of teeth. Most people can only fit the top row of teeth in a smile. But Lewis, you just widened your grin until every tooth was showing. It's a good way to smile. I tried it and looked in the mirror, and I just looked really creepy. But it suited you.

I promise that in my head you will always be smiling.

I have a wake and a funeral to attend.

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