Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Why I am not cut out for the corporate world.

Today I had my first meeting. Like, the first time I single-handedly scheduled, attended, and ended a conversation with a company outside of BSF. Shook hands and everything. Two very nice guys in suits. I hope they appreciate that I showered this morning.

The large details of the meeting are really very irrelevant, personally and professionally.

Stupid Shit I Say In Professional Settings

1. "Basically, my job can be done by a well-trained golden retriever. I don't even know why you're talking to me right now."

Followed by nervous laughter. From me and them.

2. "'re here to make sure I work with him."

After one of the guys talked for...well...a long time about global markets and IBM mergers and document management systems and golf, complete with well-placed zingers and significant chair leaning and flashing a gold ring from his alma mater (Notre Dame), I summed up his speech. Did I really understand half of what he was saying? No. I took a very, very, far-fetched guess. It paid off, though, because he held up his hands and said, "You got me." Then laughed like a used-car salesman.

Late addition:

So, by the way, after I said that a golden retriever could do my job, I immediately thought, "Shit. I should have used that gorilla who can type. The one that knows sign language. Fuck. What the hell is that gorilla's name? Dammit. Golden retriever? Rossi, you're a stupid bitch. Golden retrievers can file things, but they can't write letters. Or order new staplers. Seriously, what is that gorilla's name? Oh, crap, that guy is still talking. Something about mergers. Shit."

1 comment:

Ranting Raconteure said...

The gorilla's name is Koko. :)