Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Umbrella drama.

I'm assuming that it's normal for people to get really excited about a new blog template. Which explains my apathy.

I'll figure it out.

So, if a statistician were to choose the subset of human dregs at my bus stop to represent the people of Earth in a study, she would realize that people are assholes.

It was raining today. Six of the eight of us have umbrellas. Given my luck with umbrellas, I was not one of them. Pretty sure I've gone through no less than six and no more than eight umbrellas in the past twelve months. The most recent two were last seen (a) careening down Milwaukee Avenue and (b) in the hands of a guy who sleeps in doorways somewhere on Western*. You would think that one of these people would offer to share their shelter, either with me or the old man sitting on the bench. Just out of courtesy, you know. Long gone are the days of sharing cabs with strangers.

After half an hour of cowering under some tree branches I looked down the street and realized that the 56 wasn't going to get there until LOST gave us answers, so I took a chance. I walked over to CVS, bought another umbrella, and smiled when everyone was still at the bus stop. Bus still far.

So I walked over to the old guy on the bench who was also sans umbrella and smiled and said, "You want in on this?" while I held it over his head. You know, because I'm a good person.

Duder looks at me and growls, "Whatgoddamnever," sticks out his underbite and scowls.


I still held it over his head out of sheer spite while he scratched himself. Fucker getting all dry and shriveled now? Good.

Oh, and I totally broke my umbrella when I tried to close it.

*Just a little post script: sometimes I get drunk, give shit away, and waste the next day in a hungover fox hunt.


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