As many of you know, I have a crush on Wesley Clark. It's been seven years now.
There, I said it. Dude's hot and he's got a great voice. A progressive army man? Just the thought of it's attractive. Like Willem Dafoe in Platoon. He's the Silver Fox. He speaks four languages. He has four stars. He's the military shiznit, so we can stick it to McCain, too, who can't play the navy background as much when a fucking four-star General is in Obama's corner. And he should be in Obama's corner as VP.
But here are my Obama/Clark dilemmas:
1. Will straight women and gay men be able to focus on politics at all if our country is run by two men who are positively dreamy? Will gay women and straight men? Clark's babeness transcends gender. Presidential porn fantasies in the oval office will skyrocket. The entire planet will be mesmerized by our ability to breed beautiful leaders.
2. Clark endorsed Hillary at the beginning...bad call, General. But Bill's his BFF, so I guess it's okay. It could even be argued that without Bill, Clark may never have hit four stars.
3. For a military dog, Clark has a long history of sliding around authority and doing whatever the hell he wants. So he's not good at being second-in-command. How about we make him president? Yeah.
One thing is for sure, Obama needs him an old white guy who's got a crapload of experience and knows about the military for a running mate. No way is the country is going to vote for a Barack/Hillary ticket after all the political cannibalism over the past couple months. They've worked hard to destroy and discredit each other, and the two of them teaming up just feels wrong.
Xtine the Roommate is spreading the love for Jim Webb, the guy from Virginia who looks like a cross between Dwight Schrute and Joss Whedon, was decorated in Vietnam, and is all about the veterans. He used to be a republican, and he recently switched over to the good side. And he's a gingery Irishman who's married to an Asian, so that ticket's like democratic gold for white hipster guys who love Asian women.
One guy I really like is Russ Feingold. He's got more cojones than Mexico. And he looks like your dad, or the smiley suburban guy who waves from behind a white picket fence wearing a pale yellow polo with loafers and shoulder sweater while he majestically waters the lawn.
But what you don't know about Smiley Suburban Dad Guy is that he will stand up for shit at PTA meetings when no one else dares, he's the guy who reads things before he signs them, and most of all, understands their full meaning: he's the only senator to oppose the Patriot Act. He's Lefty the Liberal, and he's gutsier than most. Unfortunately, no military background. Good man, friend to Jews and lover of cheese: Russ Feingold for president 2012.
Obama, advice: go with the Silver Fox.