Thursday, June 26, 2008

Telemarketers are a rush.

"Ma'am, we would like to verify your organization's information for the yellow pages and waste several minutes of your time so we can eventually get to the point, which is that we'd like to fuck you in the ass with charges on some useless advertisement that you would never ask for and do not really need. So we're just going to go ahead and send you some shit for free for like six months, and you can cancel at any time before then, because it's long enough that you'll forget we ever called, and then we can slam your vag with fees--"

"No thank you."

"Well, how about I put you down --"

"I'm going to just interrupt you and let you know that we will not be purchasing anything from you."

"I understand that, ma'am, but I assure you that you can cancel at any time--"

"Obviously you don't understand, because I just said no."

"But what you will get in return--"

"No. "

"Ma'am, you should strongly--"

"No means no."

"What we are offering--"

"Do you do this before you rape young girls as well?"

"Excuse me?"

"I say no, and you keep're raping my right to purchase."

"I don't think that's--"

"It's the same goddamn thing. Just because we're an organization looking for exposure doesn't mean you can take advantage of our short skirts. Please don't call back here."

And then I hung up the phone on that telemarketing bastard.



Mister Crowley said...

Ha! I have a bunch of insurance agents who keep calling me up at odd hours. Care to help?

Anonymous said...

The very, very best part of having young kids? When a number comes up on the call display that is obviously a telemarketer, the 2 year old gets to answer. It. Is. Awesome.

Rassles said...

Dude, Mr., insurance agents are Believers. It's harder to be mean to someone when they believe their product should be purchased for your benefit, rather than just want it to be purchased for their own.

Still. I will help. Cold-calling fuckers. Get a new job.

Darwin: you should teach the two year old to say, “My mommy says you’re a dirty slutty phone whore.”

Bimbo Baggins said...

I hate the telemarketers. Whenever they call my office I just rudely cut them off with "NO" and hang up on them...they don't call back.

Rassles said...

I kind of like it when they call. Gives me something to do and fulfills any sadistic tendencies I might have.

Trouble said...

You know, I still fucking love you. Just for the record. And it's so much easier reading your shit when it isn't in purple type on a green background or some visually fucked up nonsense like that.

You've inspired me to deal with telemarketers more proactively. Thanks!

Rassles said...

Awwww, shucks, T. I fucking love you too.