Friday, June 13, 2008


The greatest part of my job is the perks. I mean, other than, you know, saving the children of the world and being a big fat hero, people give us perky shit. Like, cool shit.

On Wednesday we were gifted four tickets to the Cubs/Braves 1948 Throwback game, row three, behind home plate. Booyah, I said.

I am like Crazy Cat Lady today, only with commas instead of kittens.

So yeah, Cubs throwback game yesterday was nothing short of BAD ASS.

When Theriot fucks up his face gets all scrunchy. He was so close I could have hit him with a button, had I chosen to throw one, or had I a button to throw.

Governor Blagojavich was three rows behind us. He's just as big of a douche as he looks. Fucking Donald Trump hair and flipshades and whatnot. I don't even like him, and I'm a huge liberal.

After the game I walked up to him all British-like, tapped him on the shoulder and said, " 'ello, Gov'nah," and bolted away all giggly and drunk. It was, perhaps, my proudest moment in baseball.

Co-worker Droz was working it with the richoldwhiteguys to our left, palming her business card and trying to score herself a Texas sugardaddy. That's my theory, at least, but she insists her intentions were in the best interest of BSF. She's wonderful, but she's full of crap.

I had some pleasant conversation with the drunken assholes in front of us. Discussing the weather, beer, ice cream, and what you do with teddy bears.

Halfway through the game, Droz informed me we were there for networking purposes...why do these people keep on trying to get me to network? Don't we have enough donors? I'm not good at networking, we've established this.

Thinking about it later, though, makes sense: put professional Droz with the CEO's from Houston, and let me talk to the drunken evolutionary throwbacks in front of us who focus all of their attention on the accumulation of Old Style. One of them was drinking Old Style Light. I called him a pussy, and he bought us some beer. Nice.

So I guess I'm okay at networking, but only if it involves Old Style and Wrigley Field.

It's odd, really, because I love baseball games, and I get all into it, but I've never been a sports fanatic. I get just as excited when I see the Kane County Cougars.

People get mad at me at games too, because I cheer for all the good plays regardless of team. That'll get my ass kicked, someday. That's what it is: I love the game, but I feel no loyalty to any team. If I had to choose, it would be the Cubs...but really, like I said, Kane County is the shit as well. Go Cougars.

I just think it's funny when I'm at a game with a hardcore Cubs fan and I have to explain the infield fly rule.



Love Bites said...

I bet you are hellafun at the ball game. I wish we had real baseball here, instead of just the criminoles.

Rassles said...

Kane County Cougars are playing the Peoria chiefs at Wrigley Field on July 29th...

Mixing minor league teams with Wrigley? Genius.

Anonymous said...

"I am like Crazy Cat Lady today, only with commas instead of kittens."

That's so great.

Rassles said...

It was either that or "This blog has more commas than Brigham Young had wives."

paperback reader said...

You're like Marge Simpson, in that you want to bet that all the players have a good time.