The Olympics are completely overrated. I'm bored with them. Of course, I'm also not watching them, so basically I'm bored just thinking about the fact that they even exist, but at least letting them piss me off gives me some shit to think about other than US vs. Russia vs. China.
Olympic installations that I would pay attention to:
1. Underhand only. Inside lines are out, outside lines are in, no blood on a serve. Know'em sayin'.
2. The real question in professional Rochambeau is unrelated to strategic gambits and recognizing your opponent's tells. What I want to know is, how did the World RPS Society reach the decision to an official prime-shoot count off? Seriously, I'm a much bigger fan of the European prime, the three-prime shoot, the good old, "One, two, three, shoot." The North American two-prime shoot always fucks me up, and I'll unintentionally throw a Forced Rock, which is bullshit. But it's not that bad when I'm applying the Fistful O' Dollars, which is by far and away my favorite offensive maneuver, and not just because of Clint Eastwood's peerless command of the poncho, but because it's so wonderfully passive aggressive.
Dammit, I shouldn't have let that slip. I hope the next person I play in Rock Paper Scissors doesn't read my blog.
3. Dodgeball. And not just because of the movie.
4. I was all set to add trampolining to the list, and then I learned that Olympics up and did that shit already. So...yeah, buddy.
5. Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots. Which will, of course, be individually patriotically painted.
6. I've never been zorbing, but I've always wanted to know what it would be like to be a hamster for a day. And now, for just the mere price of a flight to New Zealand, I too can be a Zorbonaut.
7. Finally, the most exciting extreme sport I have ever seen in my life. Welcome to Glouchestershire, home of Cheese Rolling. Chase a rolling block of cheese down a large ass hill. Win: block of the finest Glouchestershire cheese. Place: ten British pounds. Show: five pounds.
Definitely worth the sustained injuries.
Of course, ideally these sports should never be in the Olympics, because then everyone would know about them and it would take all of the fun out of it. The next thing you know, it'll be all, "Olympic Cheese Rolling, brought to you by Foot Locker. And, for when you've lost your ability to feel shame, Feckin Whiskey," and all sorts of other imbecilic attempts to bring the media hype into ancient drunken traditions.