Monday, October 20, 2008

If I were Pavlov, my dog would be fucked.

Dear Readers,

Currently ravenous. Hunger has surpassed the corporeal. My newest addiction is far harder to classify, because it is classification itself.

This desire to squoosh things into Thoughtsicles is starting to melt into everything I do. I've become a Labeler.

Stickers and tags ain't got shit on me.

Labeling has always been a thing for me, but I just recently gave it a name, so now it's labeled and filed under "Labels" along with anything else I have ever named.

So yeah.

Balls.

If you've known me for years, you know this. It's like my mind is one huge fucking filing cabinet, and every stray thought is immediately metaphorically indexed and cross-referenced and highlighted and filed. Like how, for example, jerks are filed under Jack Links, as well as beef jerky, road trips, Savannah, cougars, mountain lions, summer houses, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, tranny legs, purple Gatorade and haircuts.

Then if we're to choose "tranny legs" from that list, at random: haircuts (again), things that cost $100, decorating, yellow paint, large boxes, mismatched shoes, a mattress, the Misfits, bad painters, big tits, the Good Land, mexican restaurants, rugburn, and parties I wasn't invited to.

I could really keep going, but I'll spare you, because then I'll miss Heroes tonight, and it's not for another three hours.

The reason I'm mentioning this at all, is because I've recently opened that file of "personality tests" and so now I'm all retarded and curious.

I'm giving out homework, to anyone who's willing.

If I know you for Reals, then you've already taken the quiz, because I'm sure I've shoved The Animal Book in your face once or several hundred times.

So if I only know you via the internets, then I have a request:

Visit The Animal In You.

Scroll down a little. Then take the test.

Because I have to know. I need to know your animal personality. It's how I relate to you.

You have no idea how retarded I am.

You must be Labeled and filed away so my associative memory can properly evolve out of its current tangled web of indecision and confusion. Please. Pretty, pretty please. Thank you so very much.

Sincerely,

Rassles


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17 comments:

~Mountain Lover~ said...

You've talked me into it, but only because I'm a fool for tests.

I ended up with a few possible answers. That in itself is fitting because I'm a Gemini. Here it goes:

You are either a Wild Cat or a Zebra personality. But you may also be a a Mountain Goat personality.

They all fit, but wild cat fits the best. Although, I need to figure out how to get that pampering, 'cause it ain't happenin'.

Rassles said...

Mount: OH THANK YOU. I fucking love this test. And you rhymed.

So, wild cat, huh? Interesting...

~Mountain Lover~ said...

The 500 other personality tests I am now taking should shed some light.

Did I mention I'm a recovering addict? Personality tests are the smack to my crack pipe.

prayingtodarwin said...

But what if this test means we wouldn't get along? Crap, I don't want to jinx this bloglationship we've got going.

Oh fuck it.

You are either a Sheep or a Porcupine personality.
But you may also be a Walrus personality.

Let me know how we work out.

Rassles said...

Ginny, there is absolutely no way you are a sheep.

But, according to my calculations, as well as the smiley face chart in my book (because I have one, being retarded) we have smiley faced friendships whether I'm a bear or a lion. So can be friends, but not lovers, and we must never, under any circumstances, tie the knot.

Dammit.

nursemyra said...

porcupine, snake or bat for me....

Bluestreak said...

You are either a Bison or a Bear personality.
But you may also be a Horse personality.

By reading I think I´m either a Bear or a Horse, both are true of me.


I hated this test. How the hell am I supposed to rate my intelligence? Of course I think I´m very intelligent. Oh, and my attractiveness? Yes, I´m gorgeous. I even had trouble with body type. In Spain, I´m quite large. In the states, I´m average.

are we still friends?

Gypsy said...

You are either a Fox or a Bear personality.
But you may also be a Penguin personality.

I'm going to go with Fox. It's better for my self-esteem.

hereinfranklin said...

I'm a complete and utter penguin. Straight up. And right down to my cold feet.

Rob S said...

I like it when your blogs are interactive :)

“You are either a Otter or a Penguin personality.
But you may also be a Wild Cat personality.”

After reading their descriptions, I believe Otter is the best fit.

Trouble said...

Okay, here you go. I'm possibly an otter, or I might be a bunny. I hated this test because it took me like three tries to get an animal that even remotely fit me.

Trouble said...

Or, a bat, too. I think I'm an otter, but I definitely have some bunny and bat tendencies.

Rassles said...

Myra: ooooohhh, sneaky, are we? I don't think I can talk to you anymore.

Blue: I can see you as either...but in my head, you were a zebra.

Gypsy: Okay, fox. Got it. We can totally be friends.

Franklin: Penguin? Nice. I'm always surprised at how many people turn out to be penguins. It's awesome.

Rob: You are a total Otter.

Trouble: Really? I had you pegged for a badger. Or a fox.

Okay, now everyone go out and get a Furry costume. I want a picture.

nursemyra said...

what? so I'm really off your xmas card list now?

Rassles said...

Well, Myra, the smiley face chart says that if you're a porcupine we're fine, but if you're a bat or a snake? I am to avoid you at all costs.

And the Smiley Face Chart is my God.

Duh.

ryan lawson said...

From Ryan now to two-years-ago Rass:

I am a bear.

Thanks for waiting.

Rassles said...

I am also a bear. Possibly a lion. Probably a bear.