Friday, November 7, 2008

Emanuel.

So last night I get this text message from Xtine:

"I bet you have fallen madly in love with Rahm Emanuel."

Damn you, Xtine, and your uncanny telepathy. How could she know?

The single factor holding me back from pulling out the stone tablets and creating a religion dedicated to his face is the fact that I still need to Wikipedi him, and I have to be sure about this. Orthodoxy is not a toy, despite all that ecumenical patriarch shit they pull in Constantinople. Luckily, he shares a last name with Christ, so this shouldn't be too hard.

If George Clooney, James Carville, Al Pacino, and Seth Green were playing Survivor: Johnny Depp's Island, Pacino would get completely fed up with his islemates' bickering over the political influences of celebrities and pundits, grab Clooney, tie him to a palm tree, and beat him like a Turkish carpet with Carville's limp, unconscious body while Seth read excerpts from the Torah.

What I'm saying is, Rahm looks how George Clooney would look after a strict forty-day diet of rice, sand, Judaism, and James Carville. He'd be the jaded, trampled, smirking, cocky, little-boy voiced bastard that we know and love.

I feel a little C-Span coming on.


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27 comments:

Gypsy said...

I think the Obama administration is going to be full of sexy smart men.

All I know about Rahm is that he was a ballet dancer AND in the army and he cusses a lot. What's not to love?

Anonymous said...

Holy shit, that guy is hot. I am going to pull a train in my head with Obama in the front and Emmanuel in the back. yum.

~Amourena

iloveyousarahpalin said...

I'm already feeling uneasy about finding a Jewish man attractive. Nobody tell Rabbi Frankel!!

ghost of keywork said...

Yeah. I need to finish my ketamine and koolaid before I try to make sense of any of this. Ywc, GoK

Rassles said...

Gypsy: I am in complete agreement. Agreeance. Gah. If Obama puts Wesley Clark up in there, it's OVER.

Ammo: Dude, I know. He's the kind of guy you want to respond when you yell, "I'll suck your dick for a cheeseburger" out the window of a cab. You are such a whore.

Eli: I'm always impressed by the shameful disdain you people have for your own kind.

Key: YES WE CAN.

ghost of keywork said...

Exactly. Fist bump.

Rassles said...

I love watching fifty-year-old dudes get all retarded over each other when one of them doesn't know the proper etiquette of the fist bump, and then the cooler guy laughs at the unhipness of his friend, and shows him the correct execution of "Okay, okay, pound it...aaaaannnnnd blowitup."

ghost of keywork said...

Fist bumping was a big issue for me. Foreign policy? Boring.

pistols at dawn said...

Wouldn't it be weird, though, to say "Come, oh! Come, Emanuel!" during sex?

ghost of keywork said...

I fucking hate christmas.

Rassles said...

And Christmas hates you, so we're all even.

Pistols: Did you get a good look at him? Because no, not weird.

ghost of keywork said...

Oh, rass, xmas and I are even for sure...
Pistols: I'm excited like a fucking schoolgirl about your taste in music. I fucking love Screeching Weasel.

Rassles said...

You guys should fist bump.

ghost of keywork said...

Fist bump: yes we can.

~Mountain Lover~ said...

My cat's name is Rahmi. Coincidence? I think not.

Shit, that guy is hot. Sexy smart men in the Obama administration is right. They should make a fucking calendar.

Duck said...

I. Amish. Don't know who this is. Need television. Need to use internet for more than Martha Stewart recipes. Need to google. Need to be self-educated.

Rassles said...

Recently nominated White House Chief of Staff, yo. The weasel that he is. But the weasels are the most fun.

mongoliangirl said...

Admired him already? Yes! Even more now because I heard some conservative hack say, "You don't say you're going to build a bridge and then hire that guy to do it. He's the guy you hire to burn the bridge down."
Fuck yeah!

hereinfranklin said...

I can't believe that I'm the only one shallow enough to want the map to Johnny Depp's Survivor Island. Can you e-mail it to me?

pistols at dawn said...

Ghost: I've disappointed many schoolgirls in my day, but I do love me some Screeching Weasel. I made a recently-divorced crazy lass who was acting the fool weep by quoting the line: "All the medication in the world can't change the fact that everything you touch turns to shit." Awesome.

ghost of keywork said...

Bitchin. I don't question the speed of mutation.

Rassles said...

Mount: A hot politician calendar certainly appeals to my geekitude, but I think Key would get pissed if I ignored the Hot Blogger calendar. As it is, I can't afford either.

Mongo: Funny thing: that conservative hack is probably right. I wouldn't trust Rahm for anything other than standing around and turning me on.

Frank: Its location is currently undisclosed, but my people are working on it. Something about left on Jump Street and straight on 'til morning.

Pistols and Key: You'd think I'd know more Screeching Weasel, being from Chicago. All I know is they change band members more than their own underwear.

ghost of keywork said...

Rassles, I'm really not shocked.

pistols at dawn said...

Rassles, you may not know much about them because you are a girl, and/or you like musicianship. Or, you may think, "Hmm, a 35-year-old guy writing songs about high school is kinda lame."

I am unencumbered by such problems. Or an aversion to lines like, "Totally neat/totally sweet/totally knocked me off my feet/totally lame that you won't say/you'll hang out with me every day."

Fittingly, my word verification is "mated."

ghost of keywork said...

'I'll run my yellow fingers/All through your yellow hair/My yellow teeth will pull off your underwear'

Classy, classy stuff.

Rassles said...

Man, I hate it when being a girl prevents me from knowing things.

well read hostess said...

I'm so with you on that.

I imagine he'd be a little scary and forceful.

Yes please!