Today I fucking dominated the entire industry of voting. Woke up at seven and made bloody marys for MoLinder and myself and we sat there and worked up our buzz before we worked those voting booths like the Hamburgler on a quarter-pounder. With cheese.
I schooled that vodka so hard. Russia can bite me. I fucking voted today. I'm a goddamn steel-laced vigilante, protecting the streets of Chicago. They're going to make me Queen of Everything. Can you smell the imperialism in the air?
I feel like Batman. Should have worn a belt today. I'm sure I can turn this cardigan into a sweet cape or something.
Breakfast fucking ruled too. Tyrannized the crap out of an English muffin, because fuck you, England. No taxation without representation.
Oh, and I wrote in Alexander Hamilton for "Most Likely to Jeopardize Your Marriage" and "Most Provocative Eyebrows." No sticker, because Cook County is full of cheap bastards, but I scotch-taped that ballot receipt on because I am patriotic as fuck. Then I stole a sticker from my co-worker and put that shit on, because she stuck it on her purse, and I'm pretty sure "I voted" stickers totally deserve boob action.
Today is a good day.