Monday, November 10, 2008

I Love Foreigner Harder Than You

1. People who sing along to "Sweet Caroline" and "Livin' On A Prayer" piss me off. And when I'm around other people who get pissed off at people who sing along to "Sweet Caroline" and "Livin' On A Prayer," I sing along and pretend they're pretentious, just to piss them off.

2. M.E. and I are currently undergoing a cross-town competition to see whose roommate relationship is gayer. It's kind of unfair and she's got a head start because, well, she is gay. As of right now, it's kind of a toss up. Basically, I mean, MoLinder has two cats, I made a set of curtains and pillowcases by sewing and retailoring old curtains and pillowcases, and I wear hiking boots all winter. But M.E. and and Marna Bear talk about joining the Peace Corps and the military together, and cook for each other, and sometimes they cuddle. Plus, M.E. calls her Marna Bear.

3. Last week I saw the Detroit Cobras (love), and got pissed off at all the hipsters for standing around and trying to be cool. I mean, when people pulled that shit at Ben Folds I could understand, it was full of douchebags and sheep who didn't really know any better. Then again, hipsters are really just douchebags and sheep with "edgy" clothing.

4. It was much cooler at the Prizzy Prizzy Please show the next night, because punk rock kids (adults, whatever) are always shitty and funny and angry, and either (a) don't give a shit about me, (b) get all angry at me, or (c) think I'm funny. Thank god for Muffy and the musical suburban white boy punk band hook up.


5. I personally become douchebaggier every day, because I recently realized that my previous love for Foreigner is inching closer and closer to shame now that "Jukebox Hero" is on Rock Band. What if people assume I only love Foreigner because I can play one of their worse songs (or best song ever) on fake guitar? Bastards. Makes me want to go around telling you about my jukebox birthday cake a couple years ago that said I was a hero and had one guitar slung way down low and stars in my eyes. That way you'll know that I love Foreigner harder you and everyone else. Everyone except for Eli. She understands how I feel.

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11 comments:

Franki said...

Came over cuz your comment on save my generation made me laugh. I have a pseudo-lesbian relationship with my roommate too. We own our house together and are raising our children together. Do I win?

As for douchebaggerie, I swear if my roommate says that one more time, I'm gonna sneak in her room and suffocate her. I can't believe I found that word over here.

MoLinder said...

you forgot that ME misses marna when she's in the other room. you and i don't do that.

iloveyousarahpalin said...

OMG I am so happy I got a shout-out. Seriously, Foreigner is the best band ever. We're adding Jukebox Hero to the list for you, too. (Okay, really, it's equally for me, but I need to have some excuse because the guys are all "but we already do TWO Foreigner songs.")

prayingtodarwin said...

Up yours. I will continue to sing along to Livin on a Prayer. Because sometimes, you gotta hold on to what you've got. Doesn't make a difference if you make it or not.

Yeah, I just did that.

Rassles said...

Franki: Dude. That's pretty bad. Do you guys have a garden and grow your own butternut squash for the sole purpose of homemade soup? Because then, yeah. You'd win.

Linder: How do I forget these things?

Eli: You didn't think I'd forget you, now did you?

Ginny: You better not start with the "Sweet Caroline" because whoa. You're halfway there.

Bluestreak said...

I love douchebags. They are the only kind of people I can stand to be around right now.

P.S. when the fuck did you write so much? I have 9 posts to catch up on, which is actually my reward for working most of the day (it´s excrutiating to find motivation in the last days left of life as someone employed).

P.P.S. Everyone else´s blog in my fucking reader is being ignored right now except for these important lists of yours that I must read.

pistols at dawn said...

I say that whichever roommate couple volunteers at an animal shelter first or buys a Subaru Forester together first wins the race to gay town.

Also, I dated a punk girl several years ago who was obsessed with "Jukebox hero." In any lull in conversation (which, with me, usually just happens when I'm eating), she'd yell out, "With ONE GUITAR!" and then we'd sing the whole effing song again.

Christine said...

... dude ... i LOVE to sing along with "Living on Prayer." seriously... especially when i'm drunk in a bar...

Gypsy said...

I'd like to know how someone can NOT sing Sweet Caroline.

Rassles said...

Blue: I don't know. I guess I just felt inspired lately. It's gotta be Obama.

Pistols: Andy? Is that you? We never "dated," dick.

Chris: And that pisses me off.

Gypsy: But there are so many greater Neil Diamond songs.

renalfailure said...

I sing Living on a Prayer too. I also sing Heaven is a Place on Earth, Eternal Flame, and Hard to Say I'm Sorry by Chicago.

Now shut up and put on that Foreigner Belt. Because you don't need no instructions to know how to ROCK!