Thursday, November 6, 2008

Sometimes I Hit Things

So obviously, I took today off so I could sit inside all day and get good and fucking drunk and celebrate because BARACK

I can't even finish the sentence. Love it.

Not to go around, you know, poking fingers at the sunrise, but this kicks ass, it's historic, there are obvious conclusions about the impact of this thing that we are all drawing simultaneously, and I was there.

I was there, and it happened, and in some ways, that's enough. It will never be enough, but it's edging towards it, slowly, and I know it, because I was there, and I wanted to hit things.

The night was riotless, however, and I was actually kind of upset, because I think everyone was getting pissed off at me since all I wanted to do was smash something. This is how I show joy, man. It was like fucking House of Pain of up in there, with idiots jumping around, wildebeast stampedes and hugging and screaming crying laughing and I don't think I've ever seen more high-fives in my fucking life.

"I just want to fucking shake something. HARD."

Schmee, being down for anything, turned towards me. "DO IT."

So I grabbed her shoulders and shook the crap out of her. Then I slapped Phil, and punched MoLinder, and poked the Random Guy That Gyna Knew Named Travis real hard and apologized because I could not believe it, but I knew it, and I could not believe it. And everyone was getting very frustrated with my aggression. So I bit CrazyLiz on the bicep, just because she told me not to. Sometimes, I regress.

Then there were speeches, and then there was Obama, and then there was silence. The audience collectively waited for him to speak, and pause, to give us the go ahead to jubilize the fuck out of ourselves. We did not want to disrupt him, he deserved his words. It was the most intense, respectful, anxious, and most lemminglike night of my life.

And then when it was over, we all walked out, calmly. Elated. In complete shock. We were a colony, migrating amongst office buildings, I fucking work here and it's dead and it's singing with life. The city blocked off all of the streets for a three mile radius for our walk away from the park, giving us time for the yakking away and climbing on things, but only to cheer, never to fight. And then one person would scream, and then everyone would scream, and strangers were friends and friends were closer. When you accidentally ran into someone, you would laugh and apologize, and they would laugh and yell, "OBAMA" and you'd respond in kind, and then hug. Am I a fucking hippy now?

Throughout the night, the crowd cheered in unison, moved united, stood up and sat down as one. It was moving, and it was fucking scary.

I've always felt extremely uncomfortable in situations where everyone in the room was acting as one. I do not like the sameness of that mindset, of those actions. Freaks me out.

In all honesty, I'm far more comfortable amongst tension and anxiety, where emotions collide. Apparently, I'm high strung. I couldn't think straight at all, and I'm always thinking about something. That's a lie. Clearing my mind is rarely a problem. The dichotomy is strange: rarely rushed, always slow, and simultaneously cranking away at all times. When the brain can't work, the body overcompensates and works harder. I'm not used to this chill, this acceptance, this complacency. But it was wonderful.

In there, at the time, there was no conflict, and everyone was all getting along and smoking pot that we found on the ground (I know, I know) and it was like goddamn Bonnaroo up in Grant Park, but instead of doucheass jam bands and drum circles we had Wolf Blitzer and Anderson Cooper.

It was the first time I've ever understood how faith works. The stereotypical Evangelicals, who I've never been able to fully comprehend or identify with, have this profound, erratic understanding of belief that looks absolutely maniacal to outsiders, and now I understand.

Not that Obama is god, or in any way divine, or representing a higher power.

Do not misunderstand.

But honestly? This is the first time I've felt so inspired, so hopeful, so fucking relieved by someone who is, in all sense of the word, an authority. And I've never been accepting of that before. Ever. Not of an employer, or a manager, a judge or a cop or a political figure, or a teacher. It's not because I don't respect them. Recognizing another's dominant status? Never been good at that. But Barack gives the impression that he's none of those words, but aspires to learn what he can about all of them. The man is this eternal student, and there is nothing I have more respect for than the pursuit of knowledge in all forms.

He seems to hold a philosophy similar to mine: where there is no right and there is no wrong. There is you, and there is me, and we exist, and we are different. Our heads may clash, but that's how ideas, fuck it, worlds are born. Clash is good. He seems, at least for now, to hold this view not just of our country, but of the world.

He's completely human, and he's way better at it than I am.

And he's going to be The Boss.

And for the first time in my life, I am completely comfortable with that, and I can't think of anyone else better for the job.

How scary is that?

...

9 comments:

prayingtodarwin said...

"It was the first time I've ever understood how faith works". Word.

This dude manages to sweep my cynical ass up in a tornado of belief. And I don't know that that's ever happened before. I'm so happy for you, that you got to be right there for it. And I've decided never to meet you in real life; the sheer joy could result in a head butt I may never recover from.

Gypsy said...

"to give us the go ahead to jubilize the fuck out of ourselves"

Pure poetry.

I'm so jealous of your being there. How monumental. How overwhelming. How historical and awesome and good and right. Swoon.

Rassles said...

Ginny, how did you know that if I could head butt anyone, it would be you?

Gypsy: It was neat, for sure. And I felt obligated to use some variation of jubilee at least once, because, as Gyna pointed out: "Don't call it a riot. If you're happy, it's a jubilee." And I thought, "Like the rebellious Asian orphan in Xmen." And then I couldn't remember if she was the one with the fireworks or the flashy lights, and then I realized the one with the flashy lights was Dazzler, and she sucked. Worst. Power. Ever.

pistols at dawn said...

Some of the happiest moments in my life were when my roommates would come home drunk circa 2am and say, "Let's go smash old TV sets!" And we smashed the hell out of those TV sets like they were the state and we were the proletariat.

DC wasn't as exciting, but there was a really odd mood in the air of excitement and jubilation, fireworks, sirens, and people screaming a lot. I thought - as I often do - of Jawbreaker: "Suddenly, the joe kicks hard in my veins. I cool down. Things sound good right now. Suddenly, fists turn into brave ears, move as one."

And yes, punk rock shows are totally equivalent to life-changing political moments. Don't you judge my terrible simile-making abilities.

Rassles said...

I completely lied. Longshot had the worst power ever.

Duck said...

We should get buttons - I voted, I bitchslapped.

mongoliangirl said...

Exactly!

Rassles said...

Pistols: Don't you just love the exploding pop TV's make when a sledgehammer connects with the screen?

Duck: Ah, yes. And donkeypunched.

Mongo: I know. I'm always right.

mongoliangirl said...

Just when I think, "I loves me some Rassles!", you say something that makes me want to backhand somebody. And then I start laughing. I think that also means, "I loves me some Rassles!"