Tuesday, November 25, 2008

LBK, Blue Liqueur, and of course, Heroes.

The wonderful, glorious Ellie Maybe asked me (fuck that, allowed me) to host Humboldt Gong at LBK last Saturday night out in the 'burbs. So I threatened all of my friends in the suburbs with desertion and forced them to come out and watch me pretend to be in charge of something.

Hosting is fantastic, because it gives me a chance to accomplish four things I enjoy:

1. Singing loudly with a band

2. Drinking Sam Adams (this is like getting two birds stoned at once: getting drunk and upholding exhaustive patriotism)

3. Proving my boundless musical knowledge (which is prolly more "bound" than "boundless) by name-dropping the band whenever someone signs up with a song title. So, when that feathered-bang chick with elastic-waist jeans signed up for "Live Wire," I said, "Oh, Motley Crue," and she got very excited. See how I did that? I just proved my Crue cred to her, insinuated that I gave a shit about Motley Crue, and endeared myself to a paying customer. I'm like Oprah.

4. Making lists. After karaoke, we headed over to the House Of Expensive Cat, which is the imaginary name of Ang and Dainon's house because they paid lots money for a mean ass cat that just sits there and looks squooshed. They prolly could have found one that got hit by a bus or something just wandering around my back alley.

But that's where I headed, nonetheless, and drank endless shots of "Blue Lava," a shot they "invented" that night, consisting of some awful blue liqueur mixed with Ketel One. Then I got in an intense conversation about...fuck if I know. Ask CrazyLiz's sister and Little Guy Ryan.

Either way, that liqueur was monstrous, because after a series of leaping chest bumps with Tyler (whose fucking idea was that?) and falling on my ass over and over and over again, I fell asleep and woke up surrounded by leopard print and muppet pillows, with a shattered brain and cross expression.

Didn't even have the courage for Sunday Funday.


OH. And I need to let this out:

Mark Verheiden is writing for Heroes now. Thank god, because as much as love that show, the dialogue has always been fucking awful, and Verheiden? After My Name is Bruce and Battlestar Galactica, I would have his children.

THEN: Seth Green. On Heroes. If they pull a Sark/Weevil with Seth Green, I AM DONE. Sigh. Celebrity crushes are so lame. And the Real Life friends know how I feel about gingers.



paperback reader said...

I almost understood a third of that. Apparently, you're a spy for the Reichstag with expertise in all things Crue-related.

Rassles said...

SHIT. None of my links worked.

I'll fix that.

And I think it's suitable if you didn't understand, because on Sunday, neither did I.

paperback reader said...

Ah, that makes a lot more sense now. That sounds fun, except I imagine it'd be tough to pick just one Journey song to sing.

Also, was the blue liqueur that Hypnotiq stuff? That stuff is gross mixed with grosser.

Rassles said...

I have no idea. It was blue, and then everything was bendy.

Anonymous said...

i have nothing to say, but i JUST figured out that i don't actually have to log in to anything to leave you a fucking comment.

do you know i spent nearly an hour the other day trying to remember the fucking password to iloveyousarahpalin just so i could leave a comment on your damn blog, and then by the time i got it right i forgot whatever the fuck i was gonna say?

anyway, thanks for hosting. it was a freakin ball. can't wait to do it again, baby. :)

Anonymous said...

Is your cross expression the same as the mean assed cat's?

Bluestreak said...

you can´t go from Sam Adams to Blue Lava. Everybody knows that.

Feisty Democrat said...

You are such a selfless patriot drinking Sam Adams. I'll bet National Treasure III is going to be about you!

Anonymous said...

I drink Blue Moon beer which is also like stoning two birds; getting drunk and thinking about reading the Farmer's Almanac.

formerly fun said...

House of Expensive Cat? Rassles, I never get dissappointed when I come over here. Seriously, you need to do a guest post for Formerlyfun, whatch think? I'll pay you in ridicule.

Rassles said...

Eli: Do you realize how much fun I had? Just like the days of the Whores.

Nurse: Barely. My anger was self-targeted and full of regret and sloshing innards. The cat just hates people.

Blues: I wish you'd told me beforehand.

Mathdude: for sure it is. I will be playing Nic Cage's secret daughter, Kal-ella, an expert on historical breweries and Cool Ranch Doritos.


FF: Of course I will. Oh, this is fun. And it's fun NOW, not before. I'm changing your blog title to "Currently Funner."

Gypsy said...

Seth Green will always be Oz to me.