Monday, December 29, 2008

Because She Hates Fun.

So on Christmas morning at my parents house, we're all spread out around our lopsided tree opening gifts that just keep getting cooler and I feel horrible, because I know that I wasn't able to muster one complete present for any member of my family. Books for the parents, albums for Katsisch, and I'm in the middle of stringing together a handmade wallet for the Yellavitch, which is harder than it sounds.

Right now, four days later, the wallet is still not sewn, and the missing books and albums have yet to arrive. Someday my family will get their gifts.

But the best part of Christmas morning was when my Dad, being The Coolest Ever, busted out a present that no one recognized.

"Oh, whatever could this be?" he says, giggling to himself and ripping it open. "Oh! Oh! A Wii! How did Santa know?"

"WHAT?" sometimes my mom sounds like screeching eagle. "Where did you get that?"

My dad bares his teeth and raises his eyebrows with supreme confidence and satisfaction. "Santa."

I'm excited for the post-Wii hurtin'. "Wii are so boxing later."

"Yeah Wii are."

"No, let's do bowling." That's my sister.

"Everyone wii-ll be ignored until they properly insert a Wii-pun into all sentences."

"Fine. Um...um...bowling is sure to cure any ennuwii."

My dad and I look at each other. "Nice one, Katsisch."

My mom just shakes her head, confused and annoyed. Mom is wonderful, but she really hates fun.

Right, like no family ever did that before, just going around trading dumbass Wii puns for goddamn days. (Kidding me? I just texted my sister with, "I hope you ate your Wii-ties and shined your elbow cuz I'm gonna kill you at tennis next time I'm home.")

Then Yellavitch goes on a verbal anti-Wii spwii. "What is the point? I don't understand Wii. Why would you spend four hundred dollars so you can go fake bowling, when real bowling is awesome? And then when we want to go bowling everyone whines about having no money and it's just like, that's because you just spent four hundred dollars on a game console, you twat."

That leaves us speechless for a good ten seconds, and then we decide its best to just ignore her, because Wii boxing is the shit, and gives me fwii reign to beat the crap outta my sister, which she deserves. Because she hates fun, too.

...

8 comments:

derfina said...

Scha-Wiing! I loves me some Wii!

Kitty said...

Santa refused to buy us another game system, the cheap bastard. In fact, he said if some way some how one managed to get in this house he would bring it back to the store.

Your dad rocks. End of story.

nursemyra said...

and this little piggy cried "wii wii wii" all the way home.....

SouthernBelle said...

I know, right? For Wiil.

Why is the Wii version of anything so much funner than the real version?

Let's hope they don't come up with Wii Sex, because the human race will be doomed. Doomed I tells ya!

franki said...

Last Christmas, my son got a text message from one of his girlfriends that said:

I'm playing with my brother's Wii. It's not as hard as I thought.

Shit.

I just fell off my chair AGAIN.

pistols at dawn said...

But real bowling involves crusty shoes that have been god knows where, "regulars" who have been God knows where (but likely prison), and having to leave the house. Oh, and also, no avatars that look like Thor, James Joyce (helluva tennis pro, that one), and Lil Bow Wow.

Rassles said...

Derfina: It's so hard not to love it, you know?

Kitty: The thing is, he has no one to play with, since all the children are out of the house. And the mom? No way is gonna do it.

Nurse: Nice.

Belle: Could you just imagine a bunch of adolescent boys gyrating in their basements, wearing a Wii-belt that tracks the motion of their thrusts? I can, and that does not make me a pedophile.

Franki: Did she even realize her insinuations?

Pistols: Yeah, but the ex-cons are half the fun, and they usually come sauntering up to you with their four yellow teeth and buy you beer. So in bowling, I win.

Bluestreak said...

"Mom is wonderful, but she really hates fun".

I almost peed my pants laughing from reading this sentence. I don't know why but I find if fucking hilareeeeeeeee.