Speaking of suck:
I snapped my glasses in half this morning, and had to go visit Ammo to get some new ones, because my natural vision graphics are more pixelated than Atari.
Basically, I got a poor replica of the pair of glasses that I've had for the past eight years.
Someday I will afford better ones. The kind of glasses that trick people into believing I'm classy, sassy, and brilliant. The kind of glasses that make strangers buy me beer and throw fistfuls of Hamiltons my way. The kind of glasses that tighten my abs and lengthen my legs, that raise my IQ and my patience and my tolerance for booze and my proclivitous wit. The kind of glasses that compliment and enhance my innate charm and allure rather than hinder and hide it, because my unchecked motherfucking charm and allure will knock you on your cock faster than a rabid bear on a beehive if I just open the cage and turn it loose, I swear to fucking god.
My goddamn allure could reverse gravity. It shattered Pangea and flattened the Romans. It's faster in a footrace than flashes of light, stronger than the shoulders of the world. It's the wind, it's a soldier, it's the subtle warmth of the sun. It raises the dead and heals all their wounds. It rips worlds asunder.
So I gotta keep that bitch on a leash.
That is how fucking alluring I am, but no one could ever tell before, with those old glasses.
And you really can't tell with the new glasses, either.