Saturday, December 6, 2008

Drunk Blog

So basically tonight I decided I was going to stay in.

and then that turned into, "hey let's make dinner and get drunk."

Okay.

You know when you make dinner and it's all, "hey look at me with my rice. I shall make dinner, and I shall call it, 'food.' Oh, but there's a secret ingredient, and that's a little somethin somethin I like to call 'what's this in my freezer? oh, that's not brown.'' Adn then I don't even know.

Shit.

Fingers are not typing as well as I wa nt them tol.

Backspace does not exist when your name is my name.

yipee kai yay motherfucker.

Me and Molinder decided that instead of bars we were going to sit at home and watch Ghost Adventures (note: dude that is the lead guy is a douchebag. Wears muscle shirts and unnecessarily exclaims things such as, "holy fuck did you see that?" no i did not. why don't you lift some more two-pound weights and develeop a larger ego complex. Honestly though, the show is perfect for him because if I were a ghost I would interrogate the fuck out of him) and then we watched hackers, because a) dbags R us b) peroxidy johnny lee miller is not hot as hot as I want him to be and c) DIE HARD IS AWESOME

So then the conversation progressed into this argument.

ME: Fate is bullshit because of blah blah blah and religion sucks

MoL: You are bullshit because you are retarded and you do not understand philosophical concepts

ME: You are more bullshit because this one time I met someone and they said you suck

MoL: You make no sense. Stop talking.

ME: Okay, serioulsy, Christianity is a facet of fatalism and just because A = B, B does not equal A

MoL: I was never good at statistics, and you don't understand

ME: HERE ME OUT YOU ASSHOLE

MoL: Okay.

ME: So religion is a consequence of fate, because the whole point of religion is to find out why you reach a certain predestination

MoL: Fuck no. Fate cannot be predeterminted, it just is. The whole point of fate is that it's inevitable, but you don't know the outcome until it happens, and then you realize that it had to be that way.

ME: My logic is better than your logic. Rah.

MoL: Fuck you, you're wrong. John McClane will kill you.

ME: only if he's lucky

MoL: only if its his fate and you can't predetermine that shit.
(looks at the keyboard)

Say "Yipee Kai Yay Motherfucker"

ME: I already typed that

MoL: Ummm...Say "I hate Bonnie Bedelia"

ME: Ummm...Didn't I write a blog about that already? Wait no, I dominate, and it was a comment.

MoL: Ummm, when are you going to realize everything is not filtered through your blog?

ME: Ummm...when...I don't know, you're a whore.

MoL: Ummm...Okay. Bonnie Bedelia still sucks, and I heart Alan Rickman. He's almost as hot as Maynard, but not quite. I wouldn't blow him, but I'd give him a hand job. Aaaaannnnd...you're a whore.

ME: This is what I'm saying, dude. Blogging is fucking awesome.

MoL: Wait. I love this part.

ME: Ode to Joy, yo.

MoL: Ode to Joy bitches. And you know how I know that? Because I'm a goddamn oboe player.

ME: Because you blow reeds.

MoL: We should totally watch Die Hard 2 right now

ME: DIE HARDER ON VHS. Silver set, yeah buddy.

MoL: We suck hard

ME: Not as much harder as DIE HARD 2: DIE HARDER

MoL: I am totally going to go build a snowman right now.

(she runs outside, and I head out on the porch in time for her to throw her first snowball EVER at me)

ME: you dumb bastard. Are you wearing your bathrobe and my dearfoam slippers?

MoL: Dude the snow out here is awesome. It's like, puttery goodness.

ME: We can make better snowmen tomorrow. This snow sucks. There is no way you can build a decent snowman with that. Goddamn San Diegans, don't know crap.

MoL: It's the hush, though. I fucking love the snow hush. And I'm so glad I'm not picking up dog shit. Because people never pick that crap up.

ME: You know what? Fuck Bonnie Bedelia.

...

16 comments:

MoLinder said...

fuck yeah die hard 2! um. i'm to drunk to type. hooray for snow! it's getting light outside. i hope i win the lottery. oh yeah fuck bonnie bedelia. i hate that whore

Bluestreak said...

rassles, i love your use of dialogue. it kicks ass.

prayingtodarwin said...

First: How in the crap do you insert links while drunk? If you were a super hero (and I'm not saying that you're NOT), that would be your superpower.

Second: "Aaaaannnnddd...you're a whore" may be my 5th favorite thing you've ever written.

Third: You probably feel really yicky right now, don't you? Happy hangover, ladies!

pistols at dawn said...

I've oft looked for the perfect comeback, and I think it may well be: "ME: You are more bullshit because this one time I met someone and they said you suck."

Usually, my argument against religious people is, 1) why are you pretending to be better than me, when in the back of your mind, I'm going to hell and I have no similar punishment for you?; and 2) how can the point of view that thinks muttering one's thoughts to an invisible sky giant be the more rational one in any imaginable circumstance?

mongoliangirl said...

I deciding to 'stay in' turns into 'hey, let's make dinner and get drunk.'
And all the rest of makes it think you two would be just fine if you never went out again.
Uh...as long as you remember 'blogging is fucking awesome' so I can read about it.

hereinfranklin said...

My favorite line is HERE ME OUT YOU ASSHOLE--that's what I'm going to say to myself next time I contemplate drunk blogging.

I will also remember this e-mail from my sister after the Titans lost a couple of weeks ago:
it just sucks that we got beat tofay and it was much closer than the score indicated and I drank way to muc

p.s. thanks for the link

derfina said...

Thank goodness it's not just me! *smooches*

Kitty said...

Bonnie Bedelia, is that the maid chick?

Yeah, fuck that.

Rassles, nobody drunken blogs like you do. Totally hilarious.

Mister Crowley said...

Pickled Tink, I see

Rassles said...

I would just like to add some explanation to this amazing conversation of ours.

First of all, I'd like to say that I was typing literally as we were speaking, so there are lines of conversation that are completely missing, since I would just start typing whatever we said once I finished a sentence.

Second of all, MoLinder and I inherently disagree on everything because of the first ten lines of dialogue, so the conversation did not being as fate/chance, it began with us talking about being pathetic single girls who sat at home on Friday nights getting sloshed with her cats, and then we couldn't find a common ground to discuss this on because we look at things completely differently, and the conversation turned into drunken yelling as we watched Die Hard.

Third of all, I think when MoLinder said, "puttery goodness" she meant, "powdery goodness."

Fourth of all, fuck Bonnie Bedelia.

Mathdude said...

Dude, you rock! I posted about you at my place. Expect millions* of new fans! You're welcome.

*0-3

Mathdude said...

BTW, that's 0-3, not 0-3 million.

Gypsy said...

The snow hush? Pure poetry.

Mark said...

I can tell you under the influence of Ghost Adventures because their "dudes" slipped into your conversation. I don't think the guy with the long chin hair says anything else.

John McClain would never put up with their yellow bellies.

Rassles said...

MoLinder: Too bad we skipped Die Harder and moved right on to With a Vengeance. No loss there.

Blues: I love your ramblings. Take that, dialogue.

Ginny: Worst. Hangover. Ever.

Pistols: In retrospect, I am particularly fond of that line as well.

Mongo: Alas, if MoLinder and I spent every night staying in and getting hammered, we would kill each other with words.

Franklin: You should definitely drunk blog way more often. Then again, getting drunk at home and banging away on the computer like the lonely little loser I am just further proves that I am, in fact, a lonely little loser.

Derf: You're not the only one who blogs drunk, or you're not the only one who hates Bonnie Bedelia?

Kitty: I believe you're thinking of Amelia Bedelia, who never screwed John McClane. My hatred for her is lessened in comparison.

Crow: I love pickles.

Me: You are amazing.

Math: You have the best taste ever.

Gypsy: MoLinder is a lyrical little bastard when she wants to be, isn't she? She always pulls through with the surprises. For example, take this gem: "If I evermeet Maynard Keenan inrealife, Iam...droppingtomylegs. Knees. Hahahaha. I amdropping.to.my.kneez. Yes. And giving him a blow job. Right. There."

Mark: "Dude" has been a staple of my extensive vocabulary ever since I saw Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, and although I know the word has been around far longer than the movie, I was eight, so I figure this is a decent reason. AND: HELL YEAH GHOST ADVENTURES. I'd like to see John McClane on that show. But then again, that would defeat the purpose, because he can see dead people.

Le Meems said...

I've got to agree with Pistols.
*quiet moment of silence*

This line is awesome. It sounds like something I would have shouted at my brother when we were 9 and 6 and if I was allowed to use the word suck. And bullshit.

ME: You are more bullshit because this one time I met someone and they said you suck