Friday, December 26, 2008

This Will Be Brief Because I'm A-Gonna Git Drunk As All Git Out

>Some of the best presents ever:

shag area rug (Which I bought for me)

curtains (now we can take down the blankets nailed to the wall, so that's the shit)

FUCKING EXIT HAMMER (for a quick escape, in case I have to drive off the pier again. If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times: I am not going back to the Gulag. Take that, Putin.)

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roll of quarters (yeah laundry)

Clocky (so I'll wake up in the morning when I have to chase it)

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miniature Lincoln Logs

some crazy little test tube with seeds and a tiny shovel so I can grow "real mountain wildflowers" in my urban setting

Sometimes, Christmas is the coolest.



derfina said...

Very cool. I want one of those clocky things! Have a drink for me-I'm too lazy to hoof it to the bar!

Anonymous said...

Mmmm...exit hammer definitely beats the shower caddy I received. Husband knew he'd fucked up immediately. Has already volunteered to return it himself.

paperback reader said...

I get uninspired gifts, but then again, I give uninspired gifts, so it's like the circle of disappointment, I guess.

formerly fun said...

Merry Christmas Rassles! Did you really get Lincoln logs or is that just a euphemism for something else?

As in, "Did you get 'lincoln-logged' this Christmas? Well, there's always New Years."

Anonymous said...

Yeah, screw you Putin! My pal Rassles is gonna hit you in the head with a hammer. Right?
And...let me know when you need replacements for that new lincoln log set. The Chihuahua is producing little lincoln logs all the time that I'd be happy to send your way.
Yaaay Christmas!

Anonymous said...

love the clocky

Mister Crowley said...

Woohoo. I could use one of them Clockys, yes. :D Merry Christmas Ross.

Anonymous said...

Not a bum present in the bunch! Merry Christmas, my friend.

~Mountain Lover~ said...

OOOh, I need a clocky thing. However, my room is so small that it wouldn't take much effort to shut it the hell up.

Unless its trick was to run under the bed where I can't get it. But it would be navigating an obstacle course, so it would be quite the trick.

Kitty said...

Did you really sink a car? Crap!

I have an exit hammer in my car and a punch on my keychain.

Rassles said...

Derf: Clocky is amazing, and he wheels around making crazy alien robot noises. It's driving my roommate's cats crazy. Which is funny.

Franklin: The exit hammer falls in line with a long list of excellent random gifts my mom gets her hands on, like my Utilikey, and a build-it-yourself working clock made of paper, that I still have to do.


FF: I fucking wish.

Mongo: I don't know how many tiny cabins I can make from Chihuahua droppings. I guess we'll see.

Nurse: He is adorable, isn't he?

Crow: For sure, Clocky is the hit of Christmas 2008. It's like Spring Break up in here.

Ginny: I got lucky, for sure.

Mount: Oh, he hides. My room's tiny as well. He's a quick little fucker, though.

Kitty: No, never sank a car. Also never went to a secret Russian prison camp. So I win twice.

American in Sydney said...

Exit hammers rule. You can clock someone in the head with them too if needed.

Kitty said...

Did you really get a hammer? LOL.

Kitty said...

Oh and did you get hammered as all git out?

Rassles said...

Flora: And with that glass-shattering tip, it would hurt as all git out.

Kitty: Oh, I got the hammer. And hammered. Woke up at like three this afternoon: perfect.

Anonymous said...

pretty sure the clocky thing would be eaten by a dog within a day. or we'd have to stuff it down his throat to make him stop barking at it.

Anonymous said...

if i had a clocky i can guarantee you i would fucking destroy it within a week. use your hammer.

Mrs. Booms said...

We just bought a shag area rug that I just want to lay naked on, in the sunshine.

And I totally want an escape hammer.

Rassles said...

Franki: I definitely tried it on my dog, and yes. You're correct.

Eli: We should have a sleepover!

Booms: But in the easy sunshine, not the pounding kind. Yes.

Bluestreak said...

your gift giving loved ones obviously know you very well. I could really use one of those clocks. Oh wait, I'm unemployed now so I don't need one anymore. I could definitely do with the roll of quarters though. Several hundred of them.

Gypsy said...

That clocky is evil. But smart.