Wednesday, January 7, 2009


You know what's some bullshit? Getting old. I am sick as fuck right now, and instead of drinking it away last night I bought some cough medicine and went to bed. 

At least I got someone else to write again for me today. I've been downing Robitussin all morning, and I'm gettin' a little woozy.

Everyone, I would like to introduce Gyna, the "BFF." Just you know, read what she wrote and leave me to my Tussin.

Alrighty then- Happy Birthday and here is your blog present. You better not edit this all to make me sound lame. Also I demand a hot photo of me.

Rassles Blog Take 96

What is so daunting about this task is not the judgment about my writing skills (you can all suck it) but the mere fact that I don't want to fuck it up and just try to sum up the awesomeness with a bad story. No one wants to read a bad story- especially in stranger blog form (I now hope that you do have strangers reading this otherwise, maybe it won't be so bad!).

But back to the task at hand, all Rassles, all the time. First things first- I love that we went to the same college at the same time and didn't know each other and never hung out. I think that was nature's way of saving our lives because there could have been some scary consequences. Meh. I think we made up for it in the past couple of years.

Once I made the wise decision to finally come to live band, I was well on my way to what became my sole purpose in this life- writing a blog entry for you. From that first night on, I was hooked. I hated all karaoke experiences prior to that night- but since it was Dead Icon night and there was good singing to a band, it made all the difference in the world. You then were the driving force to get me out on the stage to sing in front of people. It was the most terrifying thing I have ever done, but now I just inflict pain on those that listen to my brazenness. We sang Under Pressure which was kinda bad. Then we tried it again weeks later and it was still bad- we should really work on that song.

The next couple of awesome karaoke stories that I thought about telling were all fuzzy, drunken stories of yelling out car windows for cheeseburgers and falling down and exposing body parts and kissing weird boys while waiting for some fried mushrooms (don't believe me? i am sure there are some photos somewhere around here...)

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Lap dance from that one guy- remember him? he was ... interesting

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Oooh tower

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Told you people fell- at least I was nice and helping someone up

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Flippy cup action

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See ultimately when I sat down to finally write this (yay for procrastination!) I didn't want to go sappy, so I stopped watching Little Women for writing advice. I tried to then review photos from the past few years and most of them were either too embarrassing to look at or I noticed how young we looked and that scared me more.

What I saw in those photos were how awesome we were together and how much awesomeness you have brought to the city. And while most of those times seem like ages ago, we at least sometimes get to ride the bus home after work together- and that is cool for many reasons mostly because it is where excellent schemes are hatched. I love that you bring along adventure when you come to hang out, except for when it is a bad adventure. I mean I guess what I discovered most is that when I start stories about you, it always comes out as an inside joke- you had to be there to experience it. So instead of coming up with my top ten Rassles stories and make everyone jealous of our lives, I am going to give you some advice- which you should heed since I am like almost a month older than you are.

Rassles, there are some things I want you to tackle in your 28th year and there are many things I hope for you to experience as well. I hope that we get to do more tarot readings for each other as I think that is fun times. I also hope that the crazy psychic lady was right and you do fall in love this year (and if the other night was that guy, then jackpot!). I also hope that when you fall in love that he takes you to the opera and makes you fall in love by translating the song into english and you get all sappy and make out (hehehe I so did not turn off Little Women- suckers). I almost hope that you lose your contact again on a stage and do that weird, swimming search dance. I hope you throw that Teen Wolf party because I want to make a shirt for it. I hope that there are more camping trips in the future. I also hope that you seriously think about making a goal to write a book because I am pretty sure people would want to read it cause you are funny and not an asshole. Also, I hope you dance (couldn't resist as usual from the lame, obvious joke).

Thanks again for not being a lame-ass friend!

Oh and HOLLA!!



Anonymous said...

dude- your forgot the last photo (which is a personal fav)!

Rassles said...

You are ridiculous.

Yeah, and do you like how I edited the awkwardness out of the one of me in the Firebolt hat? (that was the day HP7 came out, and I paid some kid to magic up a hat, which morphed into a flying broom, which I wore on my head...ridic.)

Oh, and stop watching Little Women. That story blows. Put on something cooler, like, oh, I don't know...Teen Wolf Too.

PS: Seriously, these were from forever ago.

Anonymous said...

I want a broom hat. Only because I need some magic powers. Don't cha think. ARE ridiculous. But not as much as Rassles.

Anonymous said...

Oh, and I was leaving out the // after the http on my address and blogger informed me that "your URL includes illegal characters".
Well...yeah dick smack...look who's typing it! Foolishness.

Anonymous said...

This blog is the best one so far.

We cannot forget the blowing party favors through my nipple piercings.

Anonymous said...

rassles- put that last photo in now! or else i will learn to put it on comments, and we don't want me to learn things like that- would we?
also little women is a good story- that i grew up on. stop pretending like you don't like it.

Am- i almost used that one!!! but then i saw the cup tower and your face made me laugh so hard, i had to use it!

Rassles said...

Hell fucking no.

And don't you dare go teaching yourself how to do things. Remember the things that happened the last time you gained knowledge? Things with antlers. And whiskey. And Ewok masks.

No, no. It's far better this way. This shit isn't Myspace.

Rassles said...

ps: You're lucky I even put these up. I have a reputation to uphold as someone who doesn't give a shit what they look like, but people don't need to know that it's a complete facade and defense mechanism.

Unless I like, you know, post a comment about it.

Anonymous said...

I look fucking trashed in that tower photo.

Remember gyner...antlers?

You wouldn't want to walk out of your smurf house to find a pair at your doorstep

would you?

Anonymous said...

wow, you put it up.

That is fucking hilare.

And I am loving this mocha white russian.

paperback reader said...

I do love drinking-based gamery, though mostly, I love the drinking and the trash talking. Last time, it was mostly, "Oh, wow, you're good at throwing balls in a cup. So, you must have gone to a state school."

That worked until they realized I did, too.

Bluestreak said...

very endearing post and makes me homesick for my friends back home.

Rassles said...

Ammo: Dude, that's because it's the night we were drinking at Navy Pier and we brought a large stash of vodka.

Pistols: Nothing like pretending you're better than people you're equal to, I always say. And small liberal arts schools have drinking games too. I know first hand.

Blues: Don't be homesick. Be happy.