Tuesday, January 6, 2009


First order of business: It is my birthday.

Second order of business: Work is lame.

Third: Today, the Whore to grace your screen and write about me is MoLinder, the roommate. She was never given a "name" in the quotation mark sense, because she's just always going to be MoLinder, and nothing can change that.

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She fucking loves it.

And now, without further ado...her words about me:

Ross would like me to write something about her as a birthday gift. I'm delighted to oblige as I am riding the broke train (choo-fucking-choo) and can't get her anything tangible anyway.

It's taken me a few days to think about what to write. As I was explaining to Gyna, most of my stories of Ross take place while I've been hammered (see: drunk blog, war of war blog and pretty much any comment I leave) and any memories I may have span the spectrum between slightly fuzzy to non-existent (see: drunk blog, war of war blog and pretty much any comment I leave). It's been hard trying to come up with something awesome so I've decided to write about all the things I've learned from Ross:

The Watchmen is fantastic as is the Fables series

So is the translation she has of "The Three Musketeers"-it is that fucking good!

PBR is a decent beer when you can't afford Stella Artois (she's my woman) – for realsies

Even after explaining in great detail how I don't want to get involved in another TV series after the 24 debacle (long story), she still got me hooked on Heroes, Battlestar Galactica, 30 Rock, Firefly, Trailer Park Boys etc. Although I would like to interject that I have made her addicted to the douchebags that dominate any sort of paranormal activity on TV. Woo Zach!

She's the only other girl I know that loves the Die Hard movies as much as me. When she called to ask me if I wanted to go see "Live Free or Die Hard" I replied, "Yipee-Kai-Yay-Motherfucker". Oh yeah, dude, fuck Bonnie Bedelia. I hate that whore. I would like to add that this is where we morphed from friendly acquaintances to friends. cuz who else love John Mclane as much us?

Mrs. Grass is the best thing ever. as is the 7up she brought home for me after a rough night/morning with M.E.

She's totally changed my impression of people who belonged in sororities in college in that they aren't all suckers who pay for their friends. (probably because I'm friends with most of her "sisters")

my myspace quote for quite some time said the following: "goddamnit ross, it is 6 in the morning. you have ruined my life" I would like to point out that this quote was on a monday/tuesday or some sort of workday. all I know is that I called in sick to work. but she is the eternal worker bee and faced her cubicle drone lifestyle.

she is usually someone that is one the same page as me, movie wise, until she inflicted "Teen Wolf 2" on me. not as good as the original. and faux Stiles sucks big fat donkey balls. so fucking lame. she almost loses her cool points with me but I love "Tremors" so who am I to talk? (fuck yeah Kevin Bacon! and gun toting Reba McIntyre dominates) I have insisted that we are watching "the usual suspects" after this crap ass movie viewing to instill good taste on her. she is giving me the retard face. I don't know if Kaiser Soze can help her.

oh yeah. so I have been watching the history channel and the seven deadly sins have been showcased all week. ross and I have been dueling to who breaks the most (me, you asshole) but I would like to point out that she dominates in the sin of Pride, hence this goddamn blog. you are a dirty whore.

I think I might win this one.

Happy Birthday!



Mrs. Booms said...

I never knew how bad I sucked by actually watching Teen Wolf 2 every time they show it. I recognized that fake Stiles sucked but the plot is almost entirely the same as the first one, but you know, without the short, white guy playing basketball with the fat white guy.

Anonymous said...

mrs grass fucking rocks. and so do you rossi, from your short little noodles to your flavor egg that gets dropped in the end.

Del-V said...

The Watchmen is awesome. Fables is also good. I can't freakin' wait for the Watchmen move in March. Of course, nothing will be as good as the book. Who said comic books are for kids?

paperback reader said...

Happy birthday to ye, miss. I'd get you a cake, but I'd just eat it.

Also, thank god someone else has finally had the balls to speak out against faux Stiles. There were many things in my life that have disappointed me greatly (like, for example, malt liquor, which tastes nothing like Whoppers, the malt candy), but faux Stiles was one of the worst things ever.

May your birthday be full of real Stileses.

formerly fun said...

Happy Birthday Bitch and that naked picture on my website that look like you? It is you, you don't remember? I guess you were drunker that I thought. You don't remember sending it to me?

Anonymous said...

Ah--you have the same birthday as my 85-year-old mother. A day otherwise known as Epiphanny, 12th Night and, in New Orleans, Three Kings Day. Have a great one!

Anonymous said...

Firefly is worth being addicted to, even if it's the kind of addiction where you ransack your grandma's jewelry to get the next fix. Serenity 2 Joss? Please?

Happy birthday.

Anonymous said...

For your birthday I gave you a Bloggie nom for Best-Kept Secret Weblog. Can't remember how I found this a week or so ago, but it's great. You're way funnier than a lot of the bajillion-comment people!

Kitty said...

Happy birthday!!!

I think it's awesome to share my birthday with one of the coolest bloggers out there.

I have cake coming to my blog soon, enough for everyone on the felkin internet. Come and get some.

Anonymous said...

Kaiser Soze can help anyone - even Rassles.

happy birthday from another Firefly fan

Mister Crowley said...

That's gooey chocolate cake hitting your face.

Happy birthday, gramma ;)

Rassles said...

Booms: Oh my god, there is nothing wrong with Teen Wolf Too. Jason Bateman? Frog dissection fights? Fucking werewolf boxing? It's a recipe for greatness. Don't even get me started on Stiles.

Ammo: That is like, the creepiest analogy ever.

Del-V: Fuck yeah, Watchmen. I've already got the midnight show all planned out, I'm taking off work the next day and sitting around, getting drunk, and dreaming of greatness.

Pistols: Thank ye. Your comments are always Original Stiles.

FF: Don't go telling people about that, now.

Franklin: It's also known as the Feast of the Ass, in celebration of the donkey Mary rode into Bethlehem. Hell yeah, donkey.

Meagan: I couldn't agree more. And how excited are you for Dollhouse?

Erin: Dude, thank you.

Kitty: Oh, yeah, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU TOO! Birthdays are amazing.

Crow: Fuck yeah, cake.

Rassles said...

Oh, and to MoLinder: I love Die Hard way harder than you, don't even pretend.

Unknown said...

Happy belated Birthday. =]

Gypsy said...

Happy belated birthday! And many more!

P.S. My word verification thingy is "congeous." Doesn't it seem like that should be a word?

Bluestreak said...

First order of business: Happy Belated Birthday. I'm an a-hole that can't keep up on my reader, despite you being at the top of my Must Read file. I'm a year older too (on the 12th), so happy happy b-day fellow capi.

Second order of business: work cannot be near as lame as being unemployed. Well, yes it can. My work was much lamer than my current unemployed status.

third order of business: there is nothing like friends you can fart around. And at least you are able to maintain the etiquette of informaing said friends of oncoming foul odors.

Rassles said...

Peter: Thank you!

Gypsy: What what.

Blues: Happy Birthday to you too, and everything lovely and good should go your way.