Wednesday, January 21, 2009

What What.

Lately I've developed a dragging, crippling addiction to mahfuckin Crunchy Jalapeno Cheddar Cheetos. They blow my goddamn mind, I swear, and you can tell because they're officially prefaced by the verbal austerity of mahfuckin, a word I use in those rare instances of snack food seriousness, like when I'm talking about mahfuckin Cool Ranch or mahfuckin peanut butter Twix.

Or mahfuckin' stroganoff (what what), which, as I've just demonstrated, receives the automatic what what parenthetic follow-up. This can be best explained with the following consistent exchange:

Me, Drunk: Who wants mahfuckin' stroganoff?

Everyone At My Apartment, Drunk: What what.

And then I rip open that packet of instant mahfuckin stroganoff (what what), add butter and milk and water and cook the crap out of it (which defeats the point of "instant"), and everyone sits around eating it and talking with their mouth full while we watch either Trailer Park Boys, Venture Brothers, or Coupling, depending on whoever is over.

And that's mahfuckin (what what).

...

20 comments:

Betsey Booms said...

Ah man, I love Coupling.

pistols at dawn said...

I don't know that I'd bestow that honor on Cool Ranch, at least not so long as Nacho Cheese is still in town. It's the sheriff of my heart, which is going to stop any minute now as a result of the hundreds of pounds of Nacho Cheese Doritos I eat each year. It's a vicious circle.

Mathdude said...

I'd be careful about mahfucking peanut butter Twix these days.

prayingtodarwin said...

I love the Venture Brothers. Cool Ranch, on the other hand, can go fuck itself. I'm sorry, that's just how I feel.

gyna said...

ok all you people hatin on cool ranch can go to hell. it is clearly the best dorito out there.
ugh and nacho cheese? especially not that great.

Betsey Booms said...

Ah hell, do you remember Wild Ranch Fritos? Those were the bomb-ass!

And I love the new Duo Doritos, Pizza or something they rock.

I'm down with cool ranch.

MoLinder said...

mahfuckin' stroganoff (what what) is the shit.

MoLinder said...

oh - and kitty loves the cool ranch. she'd take it over nacho cheese any day.

Florida Girl In Sydney said...

Cool ranch is the shit. They don't even sell it in Australia. Australians don't even know what mahfuckin ranch is.

But mahfuckin Jalapeno Cheddar Cheetos sounds like it would be awesome blasting off in my mouth.

The Ambiguous Blob said...

A friend of mine forced me to watch trailer park boys once. It was pretty ok.

Rassles said...

Boomer: Ohhhh, Jeffrey.

Pistols: At least this way there's enough Cool Ranch for me.

Math: It's so hard, you know, being careful. When there's peanut buttery chocolate-coated cookie filled magic hovering in front of my nose. Or being shoved into my mouth. By me.

Ginny: As to your first statement, I say, "Of course you do. Because you have excellent taste." Unfortunately, your second statement did not register.

Gyna: Word.

Boomer (again): I love your multiple-comments. And hell YES I remember Wild Ranch Fritos, but I've always been more partial to Chili Cheese.

MoL: Strohg. And Kitty.

Flora: There are so many awesome things that should be blasting off in my mouth right now...

Ambiblob: Welcome, and "pretty ok" is a strong miscalculation, I think. More appropriate would be something along the lines of "pretty much one of the most hilarious things ever sometimes."

nursemyra said...

they make peanut butter Twix???? I don't think we have them in Australia either. dammit!

Florida Girl In Sydney said...

I know, it's not fair.

Erin Alberty said...

Stroganoff is the best. I failed to plan Christmas dinner and had to make it from only ingredients available at 7-Eleven. The frozen Stroganoff made the meal:
http://flickr.com/photos/erinealberty/3060609164/
http://flickr.com/photos/erinealberty/3060609122/in/photostream/

It's also the best backpacker dinner. That you can just add hot water to, but it's expensive for drunk food.

Nikki B. said...

I like the way you talk! mahfuckin...I LOVE IT!

thanks for stopping by my blog and the info on pits. i totally agree...in that it's how they are raised...i just hope they don't get frustrated from not being exercised and lash out at familiar people.

but, for now...we are playing with the dogs as much as possible. when the girl gets out...i'm even working with her on commands and play with her in the yard...maybe i can help some! i even thought about asking the neighbors if i could walk the dogs in the afternoon...to burn some energy! would that be wise, in your opinion?

Rassles said...

Nurse: Oh you poor, sweet thing. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Flora: Sure as shit it ain't.

Erin: Ohhhhhhh, mahfuckin' stroganoff, what WHAT

Nikki: That's like, seriously, the best thing you could possibly do, like ever. Wonderful. It's hilarious, because I literally just left another comment on it.

Obviously, I get all worked up and defensive when it comes to pit bulls.

Del-V said...

There was a salsa rio dorito that was awesome. I miss that flavor. Cool ranch is just OK. I wouldn't turn them down.

Schmee said...

dude. we are so damn psychicly linked i can't handle it. guess what i made for dinner last night?? i went to jewel at about 8 pm and bought 3 packs of that shit (mainly cuz i wanted to have extra strog for the next i see you)Craziness!

Bluestreak said...

you know i love it when you talk about food.

I love stroganoff, in fact I'm planning to make a recipe from scratch tomorrow. But that's because I'm mahfuckin' martha stewart, yo.

Rassles said...

Del-V: Whatever, Cool Ranch is like, the quintessential Dorito. "just Ok." Pah.

Schmee: Our mental connection astounds me. Every day it grows stronger.

Blues: Send me the recipe, or I'm just going to keep on using delicious instant mahfuckin' strog (what what). And the real stuff is so much better than Liptons.