Friday, February 13, 2009

Are These Stories Real?

Strange things are afoot.

About an hour ago I left work to meet up with people and make fun of M.E., who is currently standing outside the Thompson Center wearing a white spandex onesie with a blaring iron on transfer image of Eliza Dushku. She's wandering amidst a sea of snowy mannequins and other unitarded models, handing out chocolates for an official Fox promotion for the opening of Dollhouse tonight.

So we pointed and laughed. Took pictures.

"You couldn't pay me to do that," Sookie shakes her head.

"Dude, she's getting paid a lot to do it, and you know she's gonna walk out of all this with a new girl to mess around with. Because if anyone can pick up chicks in a silkscreened spandex onesie, it's M.E."

"I don't think I could pick up anyone in a white spandex onesie."

Rob just laughs. I think he's uncomfortable, after hearing Gyna and I talking about how ridiculous things are right now.

According to Gyna, "Dude, you and I had the wierdest conversation last night. I can't imagine what someone listening in would have thought. Threesomes gone terribly awry, cripples being nice to us, shocking heterosexuality. She was holding hands with a boy! I was freaking out!"

"Well, we did suspect that she was trying to be straight now."

"I know, but still! So wierd. I have Teen Wolf scratches all over me from crazy car make out. We're going to spend Valentine's Day at the VFW--"

"Yes: VFW Valentines. Surrounded by men in mullets, fanny packs, and fake white trash teeth. Best. Saturday. Ever."

"It is going to be so hot."

"You know it."

"But still. Our lives are weird. Aren't our lives weird? That this is the norm?"

Thinking about it, I am in the middle of trying to reconcile our friends' love lives using naught but the awesome power of my thumbs and witty, deprecating text messages. And we're going to be in the worlds largest pie fight. Ideally, pie fights should be impromptu, but this will have to do. I get paid to save children and sometimes to sing with a karaoke band (March 7th, bitches).

I'm riding a train to New Orleans to work at a soup kitchen and maybe sneak into the Tennessee Williams literary festival which should be bad ass (because I am broke, and a dork, and just want to wander up to a strange gorgeous man and gasp with gloom and hunger: "Straight? What's straight? A line can be straight, or a street, but the heart of a human being?"). I've really been having crazy dreams lately, which means things are normal, because my dreams are usually fucked up.

Gorilla-centaurs and eating the sun and the like.

Now, reading that, it doesn't really sound fascinating. Maybe it was just the conversation that we had. Anything sounds interesting when you say it with enough gusto.



Anonymous said...

hahaha, watchin M.E. in her spandex onesie was awesome. i found a pic of Eliza Dushku on Slate surrounded by mannequins and M.E.'s job today makes a little more sense. i hate that i can't post pictures on your blog. urgh.
dude, any coversation with/about our friends is always nuts and usually inappropriate in some way. love it.
oh and VFW is going to kick ass! i found a pic today of rory lake in all of his mulletted glory but again, can't post the picture to show you.

Gwen said...

VFWs are the strangest places. My husband and I used to play in a pool league (yeah, I know) and when we had to play teams at VFW's you practically had to have a secret password to get in the door. And then everyone would, like, stare us up and down. And I would think, "Shit, if I make one false move I'm a dead woman...or a raped woman." Because the stares were that ambiguous. Anyway, from what I've read, I think you have a very interesting life. I envy you. If you had to walk a day in my shoes you would die of boredom.

Anonymous said...


i think i just peed my pants a little.

paperback reader said...

Or, if you're Italian, you can sell everything with over-the-top hand gestures. You could just be talking about soup recipes (they often are), but it'd seem important.

The Ambiguous Blob said...

There is something terribly wrong with adults in onesies, especially white onsesies.
But I'd totally make out with a chick in a white onsesie- just to say I did.
Plus, it might be extra hot & fettishy. Like- a furry minus the fur.

Anonymous said...

I was all thinking about saying things with gusto and everything.
And then I couldn't get past the white onsie with no fur thing and other comments.
And now I just need to hold my head in my hands and think about how much I adore you my dear Rassles and the idea of you being at the VFW.

Le Meems said...

first and foremost.
That website with the mullet man with a microphone needs to be my own personal logo. Like when I hand people y card and it serisously just says "My Card" on it.

Also, I love volunteering. I organize parties with all my friends and we do the cooking at First Baptist Church at 22 Waller Street in SF (If anyone reads this and feels the itch to hang out with hot girl on Friday Mornings).

Good for you.

Soup kitchen it up mama!

Le Meems said...

Also, Ambig. I'll remember that onsie deal for our next hang sitch. We've already done the make outs in my room and your balconey.

oooh now we're onto outfits.

mama like


Anonymous said...

I've googled "VFW" and it seems to be "Veterans of Foreign Wars".... surely that can't be right?

formerly fun said...

Snuggie Pub Crawl? Maybe you should convene with them for your pie fight.

Bluestreak said...

you've been nominated:

you can kill me later.

Rassles said...


Gwen: VFW weddings? Best ever. I'm sure I wouldn't be bored with your life. I can find nearly anything interesting.

Gyna: Snuggie pub crawl? LOVE.

Pistols: Never underestimate the importance of soup.

Ambiblob: I'll call M.E. I'm sure she'd be down. Best. Lesbian. Ever.

Mongo: VFW updates tomorrow. Yeah, buddy.

Le Meems: That is Mr. Rory Lake, music extraordinare. The guy is ridiculous.

Gully: Yes, that's correct. They're these legion halls all around the country that can be rented out for fun shindigs. Very simple, anti-class ridiculousness.

FF: Snuggie Pie Fight? The clean up would be astounding.

Blues: You are such a whore. Best Geek Blog, what what!

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