Thursday, February 12, 2009

Eat My Shorts

I've got one of those hangovers right now where it feels like there's a tiny evil man in my head, tugging the backs of my eyes and punching his foot through the base of my skull.

Stop it with the occipital kickery. Bad imaginary little man. Bad.

Bad PBR. Bad.

Computer screens burn. Ow.

Shady Boyfriend of Ammo, are you listening? You're making me all kinds of piratey and mad. If you didn't act like a dicknose and make Ammo all angry, I would not be this fucking hungover right now.

And because of your mistakes, I no longer have a movie buddy. Didn't think about that, didja? Your friendship with me should be in the top three most important things in your life, right after (1) Ammo and (2) Die Hard. In moments of extreme stupidity you should always think about how your actions effect me.

Because now? I'm not going to see Star Trek with you anymore. OR GI Joe: The Rise of the Cobra.

Booyah. Fucking pwnage.

So there, Shady Boyfriend. Make it up to her good.



paperback reader said...

Seriously, dude - quit being a d-bag. Unless your goal is to lower the expectations of all women, allowing me to date even more of them. In which case, I suppose I'd have to approve on principle.

But really: quit being a douchenozzle for unspecified reasons, dink.

Mrs. Booms said...

Did you shake your beaver on a stick at him?

You should?

Or just shank him, whatever.

Gwen said...

Feel better, Rassles. I've had my share of the douchebag boyfriends, too.

Anonymous said...

Jesus SBoA. Just do what Rassles says willya?

Anonymous said...

Look d-bag. I just got rid of one ginormous resentment. Don't make me take on another. That one I just got rid of? Lasted for years and I never did shit about it. This one? I will get it over quick my smackin' you right between the eyes with a hammer.

Rassles said...

Pistols: Language, man. Harsh words. Fuck.

Boomer: I have a feeling if I shook my beaver on a stick at him it would make the situation worse, and slightly uncomfortable. I think I'll just school him in basketball instead.

Gwen: I wish I'd had my share of douchebag boyfriends. Did I say that out loud?

Nurse: It's totally funny, because he did. Good for him.

Mongo: If he read this blog, I don't know if he'd be pissed or terrified.