Wednesday, February 4, 2009

YoTW, cont'd.

Yeah, it's old news but it's still relevant:

So apparently, Joaquin Phoenix has been advocating the YoTW behind my fucking back, hitting a level of commitment that I can't even pretend to score, considering I have neither the ability to grow mutton chops nor hypertrichosis.

I guess I don't really lose, though, because hairy-faced chicks are rarely, rarely considered premium tail. Then again, neither am I, for all these ridiculous reasons that I hear but just don't understand. Like "getting drunk" and "yelling unnecessarily" and "wearing horse sweatshirts" and "blogging" and "not showering" and "looking unsexy."

Still, if I were the type to meme shit up, and had to write a prescribed number of things for which I'm thankful, numbers 1-n would read: I am thankful that I do not have facial hair. Just warning you in advance.



Mrs. Booms said...

Oh sweet LL Cool Jesus, his commitment knows no bounds.

Can you see him in the bathroom with the hair dryer and his claw nails? Wearing the white suit, strutting to the Bee Gee's... Doing the WOLF DANCE! All of the Miss America contestants join in behind him like a weird Teen Wolf Prom/Thriller combination...

Oh the dreams I have.

Del-V said...

"Getting drunk," "Blogging" and "Not showering" makes us bloggers what we are. Losers!

Anonymous said...

Ya, I'm not sure girl Teen Wolf would have been such a big hit.

I share your gratitude on the facial hair matter. My nordic roots shamed me today (see blog), but at least we booger-eaters tend not to fuzz.

Anonymous said...

Joaquim can commit to a joke like nobody's business. Or he's full on lost his shit. And the rest of us will never actually know.

But what great T-shirts, Joaquim's face with "I (heart) Teen Wolf" on them. Too bad your birthday's over.

The Ambiguous Blob said...

And here I thought getting drunk and yelling unnecessarily is why the boys love me. Huh. Guess it must be the huge boobs after all.

paperback reader said...

My mutton chop days are sadly behind me, but I've dated a few Italian girls in my day, and they wish they had your problem. They all end up looking like Mario, that's all I'm saying.

Anonymous said...

I thank God every day I do not have facial hair. But I curse him daily for giving me hairy legs. I like a good status quo with god.

Well if I were a heterosexual guy I think I'd consider you "premium tail". But I think wordsmiths are mad sexy. Drunken, stinky, loud wordsmiths are just a bonus.

And thanks for finally clearing up what a "meme" was. I am new. I don't speak the language. So correct me if I'm wrong : memes are those lists very popular on Myspace and Facebook that ask questions like ever had a threesome? Favorite drink? Right?

Mrs. Booms said...

Look at the big brain on Gwen! You're getting the lingo down.

Stay away from the meme.

~Mountain Lover~ said...

$50 says that he ends up in Celebrity Rehab, beats the shit out of Christian Bale for looking at him funny and starts dating Lindsay Lohan. Well, dating might be a bit of a strong term. But whatever.

Anonymous said...

memes make we want to slap the crap out of someone. Joaquin will do.

Anonymous said...

I liked him in Clay Pigeons

hey Rassles - maybe you'll get hairy when you hit menopause - something to look forward to babe :-)

Anonymous said...

Hee..I am a little slow on the uptake, aren't I? I must confess I did one of those meme things on my blog last weekend when I was bored. I know it was wrong. Forgive me bloggers for I have sinned.

Gypsy said...

Being of partial Greek heritage, I am ashamed to admit to a slight bit of hairy face. But I get rid of it so the masses don't have to be subjected to that monstrosity.

Rassles said...

Boomer: And they follow him off to the UFC fighting ring, where he airpunches and freestiles (OH SNAP) his way to the MMA King of the Octagon Ring, but ultimately gets disqualified for fish-hooking with his crazy wolf claws.

Del-V: Couldn't have said it better myself, except I totally did.

Erin: True, but mucus-sucking aside, even if you sported a stache, no one could tell with of the blondeness of it all.

Ginny: I like to think it's really a joke. Like how Christian Bale isn't really an asshole, and Clint Eastwood didn't really vote for John McCain, and Colin Farrell is really in love with me. They're all just pretending.

Ambiblob: Huge boobs are an asset, I agree, but sometimes I know more about everything than they do, so I make fun of them for being stupid. They don't like that.

(Ohhhhhhhhhh--that explains so much.)

Pistols: Being half Italian, I've seen that in relatives, but luckily the Irish half just completely overpowers the Italian. So although I'm not hairy, I get drunk and fight things.

Gwen: I can honestly say that I agree, because the hottest thing about a guy is the sound of his voice coupled with the words of his choice.

Boomer: Seriously. Fuck memes. Have a Big Kahuna burger.

Mount: I'm pretty sure "dating" won't be much stronger than the other term that would aptly describe their hypothetical relationship, which is "making sweet, sweet love."

Mongo: Just don't go all, "fuck you, teddy bear!" on him, because I like Joaquin better with his head still attached, however furry it may be.

Nurse: Damn you, and your insolent curses.

Gwen again: I've changed my mind. It's better when they laugh.

Gypsy: Thank god for that, because I would never want to confuse you with Scott Howard.

Mrs. Booms said...

The best drawing in the world made it's way onto my blog.

Bluestreak said...

I believe that I am somewhere on the spectrum of ape to human evolution because I have more hair on my body than you would think is humanly possible. When I go to get that shit waxed they tell me, "you're blonde! you can't even see it!". Dude, I could braid that shit.

Rassles said...

Boomer: your artistry rivals my own.

Blues: You should consider a full-body dye job and just go magenta.