Thursday, April 23, 2009


This morning I looked at the sun for a good, long while and realized that I was like, an hour late to work. Fuck.

It's getting hotter outside.

I love the winter. I love, love, love the winter. Wrapping and locking my scarf in place, the heft of winter boots, pink cheeks and snowflakes. Breathing out, watching yourself live. Look. There's proof, right there, that I just took a breath, I can see it. Don't shiver, it wastes energy. Makes you tired.

I feel so much more alive in the winter. You have to try to live, you struggle through the wind, refreshed that you survive.

I like everyone all packaged up and meant to be opened. Boxes are equalizers. Some are larger, some are smaller, but in the end it's just a box, and who knows what's inside? It's harder to notice how slender and tight that package is, compared to mine, which is much softer and rounder. Not as round as that one over there, thank god, but I've been imperfectly wrapped. Uniquely so, if you ask me. True, true, no one's packaged quite like me, and I like that, even though my ribbon doesn't really match my paper, and I didn't do it on purpose. Not like some people and their intended mismatchy ribbons. I just picked up the first ribbon I could find. As long as it's a ribbon, you know?

Summer is just complete horseshit, and I'm jealous of everyone who likes it. Everyone's all glisteny and brown, and I can't get glisteny and brown like all of them, and being soft isn't acceptable in the summer. No one likes soft girls, not when they can see them unboxed. Summer is a sexy, sexy time, and have you met me? I am not sexy, I don't think I've ever been called sexy in my life. So I have to pretend to be harder, on the inside, as if a pale matte finish doesn’t bother me.

Don’t you think I would prefer to like summer? Wouldn’t it just be easier, in the end, if I could be miserable in the winter and carefree in the summer? It wouldn’t be as lonely, that’s for sure, as taking solitary snow walks and hiding from a heat wave.

But they’re all so happy, and everything is golden and warm, and it’s hard not to be thankful that they’re all so happy. I’m proud that they squeeze the sun so tightly that it takes her all winter to flesh out again.

And I do love to be outside, but not when its sticky. Spring is heavenly, fall is breathtaking, winter is thriving, and the summer is depressing.

So I just pretend that I want to be there. That oh, yes, it’s glorious with the heat, I’m so glad you guys can wear skirts and be all leggy and gorgeous. I know, I could wear shorts if I wanted to, but the fact of the matter is, if you had my legs you’d hide them too. Yes, it matters. Yes. It matters. Shut up, I know that you don’t care. I fucking care. No, I’m fine in my jeans. Really. Yeah, I don’t mind. No, it’s fun peeling my pants off like a bandaid.

Oh, no, I’m not looking forward to summer at all.

And I want to go camping. Like, yesterday.



Anonymous said...

autumn is my 'alive' time. the only 'warm' day i like is the one warm weekend we accidently seem to get every february that makes me want to take the top off my jeep and go out and buy a motorcycle. summer sucketh.

Anonymous said...

I, too, am a winter person. I find it easier to layer up than walk around sweating with nothing for it.

Lovely post, my dear.

Chris said...

I like soft girls. And winter. But like daisyfae, autumn is 'my' season. Which sucks, because we really don't have it down here where I live now. Oh, but wait, this was supposed to be about you. Anyway, you're awesome all four seasons. Happy spring!

Nikki B. said...

i feel EXACTLY the same way.

i put up this front that winter is suffocating and summer is sublime. and slather on my fake smile along with the sunscreen from may to september. it's a lie...i'm cringing on the inside.

the mercury is rising here in texas and i'm about to lose my ever-lovin mind!! i'm panicking with each and every degree!!

i love camping, too...everyone is dirty and unshaven and makeup-less, in their comfy grungy camping clothes, we all smell like fire, and you're just a loser if you even think about showering!!

debbeblue said...

You're singing my song. I love winter, I like the cold, I like the fact that it's invigorating. I like that your days are your own and you can be as contained, or as opn as you like. People visit in Winter and there's order in the days.

Summer is all so desperate. It's like one big New Years Eve where people are racing to outdoor event after summertime festival, barely dressed, sweating, and chaotic feeling like shit if they aren't living like it's a coors light commercial.

And for the record, I've never even SEEN you and your sexy as all hell.

~Mountain Lover~ said...

Me too, Rassles. Me too.

Fuck summer and leggy hard bodies with skimpy dresses. Fuck 'em in the ear.

Anonymous said...

gosh - now I'm feeling all guilty for liking summer. But it's considered un-Australian if you don't. It took me thirty years to get my citizenship so I'm not about to lose it over the weather.

hey rassles - it's getting colder over here now, come on down under for June and July. there'll be rain and hail but no snow in sydney

Schmee said...

thank you nurse. I was beginning to think I was the only one who fucking loves the summer. I agree that I hate the pressure to be all leggy and hard. and let's face it, i;m never going to be glistening brown considering my skin is so white it pretty much reflects the sun. but all of that shit doesn't matter to me when i can walk outside without a damn coat on and breath in the warmth, and feel the sun on my skin, and smell the freshly mowed lawns. i'll take that over freezing my ass off any day. and my birthday's in august so screw you guys...summer rules

~Mountain Lover~ said...

by the way, Rassles. I *love* this post. I love about all your posts, but I *love* this one.

Dean said...

great post. loved the analogies. i found your blog by hitting the next button. glad that i did.

i'm one of those people. the ones that love summer. i like sweat and tight pants. i like cold beer on hot days. if you see me at pool, i'll be the one in speedoes (i am so euro not cool :)

Gwen said...

You're sexy. I already told you but maybe you didn't hear me. I have a crush on you because I'm totally bi like that.

Summer can bite it as far as I'm concerned. Fall makes me want to cry but in the good way.

Honestly, this post took my breath away. I can't imagine that you are anything less than lovely, inside and out. But I know how you feel. I've been at war with my body for so long and now? I'm just exhausted. It's a heat wave in spring here in SE Pennyslvania today and I'm thinking, "already? I have to wear shorts already?" Ok. Enough of me. LOVE!

Anonymous said...

It's the ability to wear sleeveless shirts (and wear them well) that I envy the most. But without summer, there would be no good tomatoes. Which means no BLTs. I'm willing to sweat a little for a good tomato. Besides, cold beer tastes better on a hot day. Even that PBR crap you drink. :)

MoLinder said...

don't fret - it is going to drop to the low sixties during the week.
there are some crazy thunderstorms right now so at least we have that.
oh and do you really want to be all tan and shit? no, you don't. pasty is where it's at. plus, you'll have nice skin when you get old.

renalfailure said...

I too hate summer, for a lot of the same reasons (don't tan, the heat, not sexy). And also because people stop wearing shoes. Fucking flip-flops.

I don't think the ribbon's supposed to match the paper. Otherwise when you type you can't see the letters. Yes, I once used a typewriter in my younger years.

Erin said...

Come to Utah, where there is no humidity and where the standard for dowdy is set by the many wives of Warren Jeffs.

Blues said...

I hate the summer. It blows. I get no enjoyment out of revealing my junk, but it's either that or die of heat here or back home. I never ever ever ever tan. People here with their lovely olive toned skin always tell me I should get some sun. I feel like telling them I have melanoma just to make them feel bad about saying that. But then I think I might jinx myself and really get melanoma.

I know I'm pastey. There's nothing I can do about it. If I sit in the sun for ten minutes my face gets wrinkly and marked (not the cute freckles, the big giant ones that I'm way to young to have), and strange things appear that a dermatologist should look at.

I hate the summer.

Kat said...

I love winter, too. When I was a girl I'd walk for miles in the falling snow, it was my absolute favorite time to be outside.

I now live where it gets so hot and humid in summer, going outside is to be avoided at all costs. For me anyway, I see people outside running and having picnics in this heat and I think they're batshit crazy because who could LIKE this hell we call summer in Texas?

I peel my jeans off all summer long, too...those tanned, trim people just don't get it.

Erin said...

Oh, and I know it sounds wrong for those of us who are not girly ... but I found longish skirts to be way more comfortable than jeans for Midwestern summers.

Also, I think many people are calling you sexy, but you just can't hear them over all the Journey.

Mongolian Girl said...

You sexy little beast you! We tried to go camping out here one time during winter. That's because we are stupid kind of.

Mia Watts said...

In conclusion.

(Rassles - summer)+ winter = good.

Gypsy said...

I love the summer for the beachiness of it all. But summer sans beach? Hot, sticky, buggy, sweltering. Thank god the beach is a mere 45 minutes away.

I get brown, but I'm also round and soft, so I'm conflicted. I don't do shorts, though. Just no. Well, bermudas. The ones that go below the knees. I can do those.

The Ambiguous Blob said...

Springtime is my favorite. It signifies the end of a great discomfort and a re-birth of living things. I like to see leaves growing back onto trees and grass turning green and people unwrapped in whatever shape they are in.
Now about the other stuff- I'm no skinny minny. Oh my not at all. I don't wear shorts either, but I do sport a bathing suit at times and I rock it out with all my extra flab. Cuz you know something? As long as I'm enjoying myself, I could give a fuck what other people think of me.
The way I look is for me. Not for the guy who is totally going to stare at me when I take my sundress off to lay on the beach towel.
Fuck that guy if he doesn't enjoy my cellulite. I earned this body and I'm going to lay here in the sun and enjoy the warmth and earn my sunburn too.
Also, fuck winter. It's painful. And it makes my nails chip off and my skin peely. Uck.

Rassles said...

Man, I didn't even realize this post was about how I looked until I read all the responses.

Mrs. Booms said...

I want to go camping too.

But I don't even wear shorts then.

wolf said...

Um, winter isn't that great when you have six months of it.

Trust me.

Thanatos said...

You must be happy in that deep freezer of a city you live in.

I will take fall in this winter too cold-summer too hot midwest state.

Rassles said...

Daisy: Hard not to love the fall. I do like the warmth, really, it's the fucking heat that kills me. Above eighty? Fuck it.

Brian: The winter is just so fucking hardcore, you know?

Chris: I can't imagine being without the changing seasons. It keeps me anchored.

Nikki: There are good things about the summer, don't get me wrong. There's more to do. I can ride my bike. Everyone else is willing to hang out. Baseball. But in the end, I love the winter.

Debbe: Someday I will find your goddamn blog. Seriously. But I'm not much of a supersleuth.

Mount: In the ear.

Nurse: I feel like it's unAmerican for not liking the summer as well. I mean, Fourth of July?

Schmee: a;lkjdf;lakj;df

Dean: Do you walk up to unsuspecting young women and say things like, "Care to take a swing in my banana hammock?"

Gwen: If I were bi like that, I would probably crush on you as well.

Franklin: I'm with you on that: there are very few things more satisfying than your first cold beer on a sweltering summer day.

MoL: Spring rain? The. Shit.

RF: By your younger years, you of course mean prehistoric times.

Erin: I'll take the dry heat over the humidity any day. And I don't think I'm dowdy...oh god, am I dowdy? No. There's no way.

Blues: Look at you, all sneaky and shit. Accepting your flaws is so much hotter than hiding them. I should learn to do that.

Kat: Yeah, fuck tan people. I used to tan in the summer. Now it just seems completely impossible. When am I gonna do it, anyway?

Erin again: I hope by "Journey" you mean "Foreigner is the greatest band of all time." And yeah, all right, Journey's great too.

Mongo: I went camping in the winter once. It was glorious. Well, it wasn't so much "camping" as it was "stayed up all night outside with a fire and got super drunk."

Mia: Math makes everything so much easier.

Gypsy: I love picnics, and walking in the woods, and taking my dog to the park. But not this, like, .

Ambiblob: Greenness is wonderful. Spring is delicious. I am in no way anti-growing things. Trees are amazing, warmth is good. You know what's not good? Feeling like you're surrounded by flames.

Boomer: Well, wearing shorts when you're camping can be downright dangerous. Mosquitoes and whatnot.

Wolf: I wish I could argue with you, but here it's a good, solid four months. And I've been to Anchorage in the summer, and it's heavenly. Seventy degrees every day, everything is great. But then again, you've got the deep, far below freezing winters. I'm good until it hits zero. Lower than that, with all the that's just uncomfortable.

Thanny: Fall is beautiful, too, and it's chili season. I love chili.

Mister Crowley said...

Hell, chili's good in ANY season.

Winter for me to, Rass :D Dey rum tastes espshally good, mon.

Conjure up an image of a poor sod, who has to wear 3 layers of clothing, 5 hours a day, 5 days a week, in dry 100 degree heat. What you get, is what I look like. :) Welcome to the wonderful world of litigation in India :P

The Ambiguous Blob said...

I am preparing for my eternal resting place with every passing summer. Getting used to feeling like I'm surrounded by flames now will help in the future. Preparedness is key to survival, you know.

Le Meems said...

Fuck off Rassles. Stop being such a 'plainer.

Get your miniskirt and 4inch stilettos on and parade around glisteing, hair sticking to the back of your neck, lipstick melting into your teeth. Just. Like. The. Rest. Of. US!

Rassles said...

Crow: Oh, I do not envy you, sir. Not one bit.

Ambiblob: At least you know it, accept it, and fucking own it with all your heart. Love that.

Meems: I like having you around. I feel like you remind me that things happen, and we should harness it and turn it into a positive. You're great like that.