I am seriously so anti-(getting things I don't need). Do you understand how addictive of a person I am? Everything interesting must be embraced and shaken with vigor until it's damn near broken. Movies I like, books I read, friends I make. The shoes I wear, a piece of jewelry: they're all a commitment to me, and I exhaust all their jazz until they're breathless and worn, drain them of value and keep on on asking them for more life, to affirm and assure my identity, because so few things make me happy.
I mean: the last purse/bag I had? Eventually it ripped, and I stripped it for parts. It's a goddamn purse, who cares, right? I didn't want to get rid of it, though, I made the damn thing and it served me daily and faithfully, as a whole, for two full years. Scraps of it reinforce the purse I have right now, and when this one rips, I'll make another one out using both sets of leftovers.
So getting an iPhone, or a Blackberry...you guys can have that shit all you want, and I will never look down on you for it. But seriously, if I get one, my life will rely on that little bit of plastic in more ways than I feel comfortable thinking about right now, because I get hooked on things, and then I break things, and then I can't afford to replace things, and then I'm all upset that I have no more things.
You should have seen how I reacted when I couldn't find my favorite beer koozie. All drunk and angry and yelling at people. I had a relationship with that thing, it made everything familiar and safe and real, and then I threw a fit when someone accidentally threw it away.
And all that thing did was keep my beer cold.
So believe me when I say this: if something is not essential to my happiness and survival, I really, really, really don't want it.
That being said...I bought a new phone online. Kind of, I mean, it's refurbished.
It has a keyboard.