2. Last weekend, as many epics do, opened in medias res, with drunken bike riding endurance trials and great feats of emotional strength, verbal dueling with hipsters and defending my kingdom against imminent douchebaggery. The details, thankfully, are fuzzy, and I've always been partial to fuzzy things.
3. That does not mean I am a fucking furry.
4. I found out that Gay Black Wayne is a furry. You may not know who Gay Black Wayne is, but he knows you, or he knows someone you know. I could be all, "Hey, Blues, this is my friend Gay Black Wayne," and then you'll be all, "Nice to meet you, I live in Spain." And he'll be all, "Oh my god! I love Spain! This one time [I went to this one place in this one city and I met this guy named Steve]!" And you'll be all, "Steve the Skeeve?" and GBW'll be all, "Yeah, I gave him a blow job in an ally" and you'll be all "OMG seriously you know Steve the Skeeve? Totally thought that guy had a girlfriend" and GBW'll be all "Oh, girl! No one has a girlfriend around me." Funnier: GBW is massive.
5. I didn't see GBW last weekend, he just came up in a conversation where I discovered that he dabbled in dressing like an animal. But look at this: Steve the Skeeve. We already have epithets, and that dude is fictional, dammit. Told you this shit was epic.
6. Hung out with old college friends (The Circus. On the day we graduated, amidst a drunken blitz, Mr. Jim Leyden gave a toast: "I just wanna say, you guys are a bunch of clowns. So here's a cheers to being in The Circus.") on Sunday and Memorial Day, who I miss terribly and I didn't even realize it. Here is a conglomerate of quotes, which is more for my recollection than yours, and I wish I had the will to coherently swirl them into a story with punch and pizzaz, but alas, I don't fucking feel like it.
Sometimes, I have to yell at Muffy for getting herself into tricky situations:
"Muffy, I'm not gonna negotiate you off the roof."
"Fuck you. Getuphere."
"They wone lemme."
"Fucking bowshit. Bowshit bowshit bowshit. Fuckin...on the roof. Fuckin' lookahme. By mysef. On the roof. Fuckin' work it. Work. It. I fucking work it. I got a fuckin' green hat, and I fucking work it. Green. Hat. Westside."
"Yer babbling all incoherentish. Please come down and hang out or I will push you off like that guy in fucking China."
Sometimes, Fraya can be a hot mess (hence the name, Hot Mess Fraya):
"Dude, I need like three more bloody marys or I'm gonna have the shakes all damn day."
"Oh, Ross--I've been meaning to talk to you about something."
"We should go to AA."
Sometimes, Schmee and Cihak can be funny:
"Whoa, dude, I didn't recognize without your collar popped."
"He only lifts up one corner now, because he's just part douchebag now, isn't that right, Baby Face?"
And sometimes, quotes of the night can stand alone:
"I shat in that bucket for like a week."
"And then my dad yelled at me for using too much teeth."