"Excuse me," I slide up to the gentlemen at the bar. I'm like butter. "I couldn't help but overhear that, uh, you guys were having a conversation. Might I join?"
They stop talking and turn to look at me. Turn to each other, one motion, then back at me, amused and trying to hold back surprised chuckles. I'm deadpan and drunk as all hell, and focused on keeping my eyes naturally wide and innocent, but I probably look like some drunk girl focused on keeping her eyes wide and innocent, and it's fucking brilliant.
"Really? Did you just say that?"
I tilt, like a bird. "Say what?"
"That. Is. Awesome. Yes," the first guy snickers. I name him Hat Guy in my brain, and he offers me a beer-spilling cheers, "Yes, yes, you can join in on our conversation."
"How come we never thought of that?" the second guy (I have named him Ginger by now) says to Hat Guy as he sips his beer.
"Because I am on fire today," I explain, "you guys have like, no idea how awesome I am today. Go on. Ask me how awesome I am."
"How awesome are you?" they're in unison, and it's funny.
I smile, and I'm butter again. "Very."
"Okay, that's fair," Hat Guy smiles.
"I'm convinced," Ginger adds.
I take a sip of my beer. "I am so awesome," I clap my hand on Hat Guy's shoulder, "that I just invented the best pick-up line ever, because it's not just a pick-up line, it's a test." I nod at them, knowingly, willing them to understand.
It takes a few seconds. They're befuddled, slightly, and Hat Guy starts to come around. "Oh, because if we think it's funny..."
"Then you are also awesome."
"So you're picking us up?" Ginger won't look at me. Look at me, Ginger, or I will make you look at me.
"Oh, psssh, no," I'm smug and drunk, and my feet slip on the floor behind their barstools, "they just dared me to talk to you guys and I was all, 'fucking watch this, bitches, I'm like a social butterfly' and I said the first thing that came to mind. By the way, I don't know if you guys saw that, but I totally just almost slipped and fell right there, and then you guys would have had to pick up pieces of my face."
They laugh. "I like you," Ginger nods.
Hat Guy agrees. "Yeah, I like her, too."
Duh. "Duh. I'm like a genius or something."
"Or something. What's your name?"
We exchange names, and I forget theirs instantly. They are Hat Guy and Ginger.
"So, Rassles, what're you drinking?" Hat Guy asks.
"PBR. Are you buying me a beer? You are excellent."
Ginger turns to me. "So, you're a genius, right? You said that?"
I nod very seriously.
"Plus, you have good pick up lines," Ginger says.
"Plus that, and then multiply it by awesome."
"So your friends told you to talk to us," Hat Guy affirms.
"Yup." I wave my hand towards the corner and and grab the back of his chair. "Over there. Back corner. I'm glad I did--you guys are fun."
Hat Guy smiles and ponders for a moment while he hands me my beer. "I'm gonna go talk to them." He stands up. "You don't mind?"
"Go nuts, Hat Guy."
He laughs, marching over to their table.
"Be nice! Some of them are from Canada," I yell after him. Turn to Ginger. "So seriously, what were you guys talking about?"