Friday, July 24, 2009

Points to be Pointed Out.

Point the First:

Going to see Frank Black at Wicker Park Fest on Saturday! You in?

Me: Totally.

Muffy: YAY Snowwhite is in town

Me: Awesome. Oh, and also, the hipsters are going to dress up like zombies and do the Thriller walk down Division tomorrow night.

Muffy: Nice. Why?

Me: I dunno. Because they're hipsters, and they're starved for individuality. So they gather en masse and dress alike and walk with synchronized dance moves. I'm thinking about dressing up like a gang banger from "Beat It" and getting in a knife fight. This would prove four things: (1) I ain't no fucking follower, (2) I ruin lives, (3) blades don't need reloading, and (4) zombies are sooooo 2008, while I live in the future.

Point the Second:

The zombie craze is boggling. I mean, yes, blood/violence/brains/yar. It's not like the vampire craze, diligently resurfacing every couple of years, fading away slowly, only to be shoved back into the spotlight by some new book or television show.

Zombies were dead for a long while (you can't kill the undead (Double parentheses! (Triple! (If it's not math, should I still use brackets? (I have decided no))))), with the exception of the occasional resurfacing of George Romero, but then that goddamn 28 Days Later came out in 2002, and then The Zombie Survival Guide, and all of a sudden it's BRAAAAAIIIINNNNSSS and so on, and they just won't go away.  I got no probs with the zombs, I guess.  But I'm really, really getting sick of it. 

It's the wierdest genre trend ever (from the standpoint of cultural shifts - because zombies are totally not wierd) seven years strong, and getting stronger by the minute.  I just want it to fade away like when everyone was annoyingly obsessed with pirates.  Let's make cowboys cool again, huh?  I know, I know.  Cowboys are jerks.  Whatever, you guys are jerks.

Point the Third:

Oh, the hipsters. Every single thing about myself that I don't like (that yearning to be unique, getting angry when people assume I'm a johnny-come-lately, a distaste for average, talking about doing instead of doing), they assault to the extreme. It's nice having them around.

Here's the thing: what makes people unique is not saying, "I'm kind of unique." You must just be unique. Telling me you're unique proves nothing, because you give the impression that you're just like everyone else that thinks they're unique. Drives me nuts. Same thing with "free spirit." People who say they're free spirits rarely, rarely are. They're too preoccupied with trying to be a free spirit, negating the entire mindset behind spiriting free.

Calling yourself a nerd or a free spirit or a princess doesn't make you those things: you must just be them. More importantly, why do you have to be one at all?

Point the Fourth:

This is the type of stupid bullshit that keeps me up until four in the morning on a Thursday, furiously painting my apartment and trying not to focus on Die Hard. I always watch the Die Hard movies when I'm doing things that take hours, like Orange-Glowing the floor or painting the walls harbor blue. Kind of like how I always watch Star Wars when I'm sick, and The Last Unicorn when I lose something. Dude, and I am not gonna lie, I am a big fucking fan of harbor blue. Also, I can't believe I just actually googled and linked the paint code. It looks much brighter and darker than that on my walls. Wow, I am a douchebag.



Thanatos said...

So I don't have to witness several dangling blue penises this halloween?

Thanatos said...


renalfailure said...

What's worse? Hipster guys or hipster girls? Granted, both will be usually be wearing the same type of rectangular black-framed glasses, but at least the girls can't grow ironic facial hair.

Blues said...

Points in reference to your points, in no particular order:

1). Thanks for reminding me that I need to paint my walls again beotch. Nice color. But I might have too much blue in my life right now. I need to rebel against the blue.

2). I thought 28 days later was about vampires, not zombies. Wasn't it the one in Alaska? Wait, no, I just googled it, and I was thinking of 30 Days of Night which scared the holy fucking hell out of me. You know what, 28 Days Later scared the holy Christ out of me too, and it's quite possible that I haven't gotten a good nights sleep since I saw part II.

3). You have no idea the kind of hipsters prevalent here in Spain. It is insane. Spanish hipsters are a whole different type of monster. They are all architects who think they are the culmination of art and science mixed together and they are begging me to smash their postmodern specs, while I take a dump on one of their shitty ultra hip housing models.

Kono said...

Living in Pittsburgh means Zombie's have always been in and passe at the same time, what with all those Dawn of the Dead movies made here so if i saw a street full of zombies i'd get in my car and drive straight through them just to make sure they weren't real, the hipsters (my favorite people as you know) could learn something from a man like Hans Gruber, a unique and exceptional thief with stylish suits and expensinve cigarettes, which makes me want to go buy a pack of Gitanes or something, i watched Shop Erotic the other night at 4am while feeding the 6 week old Kid B, nothing like feeding a baby while learning about the latest in dildo's and pocked pussies, that just might make the lounge in the near future.

Kono said...

did i mention Tom Savini, lives/lived right down the street from me, i always want to ask him if he has the cock belt with the gun in it from that flick with George Clooney, Quentin Tarantino, Harvey Keitel and Juliette Lewis, i can't seem to remember the name even though i know everyone in it.

renalfailure said...

From Dusk Till Dawn, directed by Robert Rodriguez. The codpiece gun also made an appearance in Desperado, also directed by Rodriguez, but was only shown, never used.

Yes, you want me on your pub quiz team.

Le Meems said...

Here's the thing: what makes people unique is not saying, "I'm kind of unique." You must just be unique. Telling me you're unique proves nothing, because you give the impression that you're just like everyone else that thinks they're unique. Drives me nuts. Same thing with "free spirit." People who say they're free spirits rarely, rarely are. They're too preoccupied with trying to be a free spirit, negating the entire mindset behind spiriting free.

Amen. Mama. Amen.
This weekend in San Francisco it was The First Annual Superhero Street Faire barf. If these hipsters spent half as much time being self-involved and playing dress up and double the time actually building meaningful community ... i feel the world would be a different place.

It is one thing to have fun. And it is quite another to do nothing but ...

What legacy are you building?
What changes are you enacting?
How will you be remembered?

Zombie on. Super heroes unite. It leaves the roadways upwards a little less crowded for the rest of us ...

Ellie said...

Just because you call yourself a douchebag, doesn't mean you are a douchebag. You have to just be a douchebag.

Have you seen Shaun of the Dead.

Highly recommend it.

Moist Rub said...

What about just being who you are, and if that is unique, hooray. If not, so what?

Anonymous said...

People think they're princesses and special because nowadays that's all their parents tell them. That's what the mother of the 4 kids under 5 sitting next to me at Harry Potter kept telling her brats everytime they had to step over me to go to the bathroom. You'd think that the fact that innocent people got hurled into the Thames in the opening scences that this WAS NOT A CHILDREN'S MOVIE.

A Free Man said...

Frank Black made chubby cool again. For that, he's a hero. A hipster hero. A chubby hipster hero.

Mia Watts said...

And if you go to Amazon, Sense and Sensibility has been made into a zombie book where it is a best seller.

Red said...

I doubt you're a douchebag.

Rassles said...

Thanny: No, chances are you'll still have to suffer through them. My apologies.

RF: It's a toss up. For me, it's more about "The Hipsters" versus "The People Who Dress Like The Hipsters And Are Desperately Trying To Fit In With Them To No Avail And Are Just Becoming Friends With Each Other And Tainting The Sphere Of Hipsterdom, Pissing Off The Actual Hipsters Who Now Deny The Title Because Of Wannabes." God, I love talking about hipsters. They're so fucking shallow in their complexity.

Blues: You haven't done that yet? I'm telling you, nothing makes a space more like home than painting it. Also, your hipsters have jobs? That is ridiculous.

Kono: True that, about Pittsburgh. Makes sense. Also: I want Tom Savini on my side if I'm ever at a shitty show, just so I can turn to him and say, "Now, let's kill that fucking band."

RF: Look at you, answering the questions before I can. Those acts of god really stick it in and break it off, don't they?

Meems: I've always been far more partial to superheroes than zombies. I would take that street fair seriously. That would be business. That would be research. I would probably get really, really mad at all the posers. God, I suck.

Ellie: "Shaun of the Dead" is effing brilliant, but I liked "Hot Fuzz" better. Call me crazy, but whatever. Cop movies are totally more my thing.

Moist Rub: Isn't that what I said? Also, are you trying to bring back "Hooray"? Because I've been working on it for awhile, and it seems to have not caught on. But you used it. Hooray!

Franklin: Man, if I had kids, they would soooo be watching that shit all the time.

Freeman: He really is. I can't hate him.

Mia: Heard about that, but isn't it Pride and Prejudice? Or are they doing both? Either way, seeeeee? This zombie thing is way more hardcore than anyone ever anticipated. And eventually (I'm thinking two years?) it's going to be considered sooooo lame to like zombies, and some people are going to deny their involvement with the trend completely.

Red: You have no idea.

The Ambiguous Blob said...

A few weeks ago, I realized I had left the house looking like a hipster. A sparkly one. And I laughed at myself because I was like- I can't be a hipster! I'm too old for this shit. And then I was like... wait. Are 31 year olds really too old to be hipsters?
And now I'm like... wait. Am I 31? Or 32? Holy shit- am I 32? Hold on. I just had a birthday. Math time. Dang. I'm 32. I am no genius and I hope I'm not a hipster either. But I can't tell either way. There's no calculator that can tell me what genre I'm in.

Sarah said...

I love zombies. Really, like a lot. As a matter of fact, we're having a zombie party in August.

Gypsy said...

1) I don't know who these people are except for Michael Jackson. Does this make me terminally unhip?

2) I keep wondering what the zombie phase says about us and our society. It says something, but I can't put my finger on it. Maybe because that zombie just ate it.

3) My dude calls me "princess." Does that count?

4) The Last Unicorn is perfection. I'm alive!!!

Rassles said...

Ambiblob: Hipsters can definitely be 31. The OG's of the hipster world...they're all in their thirties. It's all about being into the Real Indie Scene in the nineties. Now there is no Real Indie Scene. Not anymore. Indie is corporate, and the scene is gone. At least, that's what the original hipsters believe. Being a hipster used to mean something different. Now it's a style, rather than a lifestyle. Thank the internet.

Sarah: Ain't nothin' wrong with that.

Gypsy: Frank Black was the lead singer of the Pixies. Snowwhite is a friend of mine - her legal name is Sarah Snowwhite. Her parents were big fat hippies, and she has dreds past her waist. Also, I judge people's hipness on their feelings towards The Last Unicorn, so as of right now, you're hipper than them all, because I don't think anyone likes that movie except for us.

Kono said...

Wow you just described me, as a young hardcore kid and then an indie rock hipster in the late 80's and early 90's, wow, i do qualify as a hipster even if now i spend time changing diapers and jamming the Replacements in the living room while the boy and i play air guitar, makes me happy to know it was a lifestyle back then (i have the flannel and old Carhartt to prove it) instead of the fluffly style it's become today, and in 2 years i'll be a 40 old indie rock kid.