Monday, August 3, 2009

I Want To Spend My Life Thinking About Things Other Than This.

Okay, I know, I know. I fucking know. No one wants to see me post goddamn youtube videos.

But some things I just can't stop watching. Over and over and over again. Besides, after the videos, I have a story.

One of my all-time favorite songs:




Next song: stuck in my head. For days. And days. And fucking days:




If I ever write a movie, or a book that gets made into a movie, I need an Evie Sands song in there.

Story that semi-relates to both songs but not really: Ready?

Okay.

As you might know, the Hollies covered "I Can't Let Go" immediately after Evie Sands recorded it. But what you don't know is this: "I Can't Let Go" was written for Evie by a guy that I saw playing with some novel country band.

Flash back to Double Door like five or six years ago. At the time, by the way, Double Door was the fucking coolest place I'd ever been in my entire life, and I'd been to Prague. I mean, this is where everyone hung out in High Fidelity. How fucking cool is that? You don't get much cooler than High Fidelity. Of course, right now there are people who are probably mad that High Fidelity even exists, because let's face it, John Cusack mainstreams and romanticizes the counterculture and ruins lives. God, I love that man. Just like everyone else.

Now, of course, Double Door annoys me, because I'm sooooo much hipper than I was in 2004 or whatever. And because they charge like four dollars for a PBR and you have to pay cover and it's a place to be seen, not a place to go.

Also, ordering PBR is now the sneering social equivalent of kickin' it Miller Lite, because people believe you are ordering PBR to appear hip and not because you are broke, while people that drink Miller Lite have never been considered hip because let's face it, Miller Lite? Really? Are we at a frat party? More importantly, shut up. I know, I know, I was in a sorority, and therefore socially deficient, and I have no right to make fun of the greek system. Ah-ha, but! But what if I told you that my experience raises my credibility, because I understand the system better than outsiders? Besides, I was in, like, a cool sorority, because they didn't make us...I mean, we weren't a bunch of cakebakers...and we totally could hang with like...WE WERE DIFFERENT. Okay?

Shut up.

Anyway, so it's five or six years ago, I'm at Double Door etc. I lean over to my friend Kim, who likes lame things like like the aforementioned novel country band and I yell over the music, "That guy next to the singer looks like a cross between Ted Kennedy and the superblonde guy from Blade Runner. Whatsisname. Rutger Hauer."

Kim laughs. "That's Jon Voight's brother."

"Fucking Rutger Hauer is not Jon Voight's brother."

"No, the fucking bass player is Jon Voight's brother."

"No fucking way."

"Way."

"Huh." I sip my beer, and lean back over towards her. "You know who should play Ted Kennedy in a movie?"

"Who?"

"Jon Voight."

"That is only logical. But I think he's a republican, now." A couple of minutes pass, and Kim starts up again. "Oh, and the bass player? He's also the guy who wrote 'Wild Thing.'"

"You make my heart sing, wild thing?"

"That's the one."

"Dang. Way to go, guy."

Do all of the supercool people here at Double Door know that we're in the presence of a musical legend like the guy who wrote "Wild Thing?" Or do they think he's just a bass player? Am I the only one who didn't know about his secret identity? Am I the stupid one? Fuck, I hate being the stupid one. I am so uncool compared to all of these people who know things like the fact that Jon Voight's brother wrote "Wild Thing" and he's standing right there.

But I know why I don't know: because I learned all about music from my dad, and The Dad is a big Hollies man, which means he is not a Troggs man. He prefers things slightly more polished, less proto-garage. More "Bus Stop," less "Wild Thing." How can one really claim to be either, though, when half of the catalogs of both bands consist of songs written by other people like Jon Voight's brother?

Still. "Wild Thing" is way cooler than "Bus Stop." I bet Jon Voight's brother is way cooler than Jon Voight, who used to be cool. Damn, remember The Champ? I loved that movie. At least, I loved the horseracing. Not so much the "wake up, Champ, we gotta go home" crying business. Stupid dads, making their kids cry. And why is Faye Dunaway always such a bitch? Dads are dumb.

I decide at that very moment to blame my father for all of my musical trivia shortcomings, and I tell Kim that it's his fault when I don't know important, life-changing things about Jon Voight's brother.

She looks at me, her eyes full of pity, and smiles sadly. "Who fucking cares?"

On another note, I think I have mono. I am sooooo fifteen.

...

18 comments:

Betsey Booms said...

I kind of imagine that there is this place where I can go and borrow your brain for a day and when I give it back I'm going to be all, "I'm fucking exhausted. Jesus already!"

Also? I'm back in this other place that people call living. It's mostly a bummed out hell hole, but it means I'm back to do things like, oh, I don't know, make Stiles buttons from side bars.

It also means, I'm officially over myself and being all dark and moody.

And my word verification is sedic.

And yes I do. They are every where.

Or would it be cooler to say no. But I see sejane.

Sedic Run, Rassles. Sedic run.

Betsey Booms said...

And that was for side bars not from.

Fuck that.

Now it's grable.

The word verification. What IS this word verification horse shit?

renalfailure said...

Mono? Who have you been kissing?

I was informed by a reliable source that PBR was originally the drink of choice for the punk scene, then the hipsters came along, appropriated it, and subsequently ruined it. I had been working under the assumption that hipsters drank PBR because of the movie Blue Velvet.

Chris said...

No apologies for the sorority. I have been a roadie, a parks director, a waterbed salesman and a computer nerd. No apologies. Oh, plus. Troggs over Hollies every time.

Erin said...

Troggs over Hollies, yes.

I think you should drink PBR to show you don't care if everyone thinks you're a phoney. Then it will be safe for everyone else again.

I'd help you start your movement, but I always get sick on PBR.

Florida Girl In Sydney said...

Listen, I hope after I say this we'll still be friends... I fucking hate those songs. Cheers.

sid said...

You were in a sorority???

The Ambiguous Blob said...

I don't know who Troggs is or anything about the coolness/lameness of being a hipster or a sorority member. I do know that PBR tastes like swill and Silver Bullet rules. The king of beers (light) is a good back-up and I'll take a Miller light as a 3rd option. But never PBR.
Wild Thing is a great song and High Fidelity was magic.

gullybogan said...

With A Girl Like You was featured in an ad for, like, jeans or something here a few years ago, and it was all going-to-the-beach-with-your-flopsy-raggedy-gal-in-your-old-EH-Holden-with-the-tailgate-down-and-the-cat'spaws-tickling-your-legs...

So it's one of my favourite songs, too.

Kono said...

I started drining PBR in 95 cuz it was cheap and then when all the assholes started drinking it i didn't stop cuz it was still cheap, though i did drink more Blatz, i do like the fact that the makers of PBR begged Asswipe Kutcher to stop drinking it in public, and if you really stumble into a pseudo-hipster bar they'll have PBR in bottles.

Rassles said...

Boomer: It's the constant over-analyzing and second guessing. That's what does it. I missed you in your absence. Stiles buttons, ahoy!

RF: No one that matters, Mr. Nosy Pants. And we can't really blame the hipsters for ruining it - its the people who wanted to BE the hipsters. Besides, the hipsters and the punks are the same people, the hipsters just listened to Belle and Sebastian instead of Alkaline Trio (now both bands are regarded as entirely overrated by both groups, which is fucking hilarious).

Chris: I've been a zookeeper, a dog-groomer, and a teacher, too. Also, Troggs over Hollies, for sure.

Erin: You know, after nearly ten years of the stuff, I think PBR is starting to make me feel like ass.

Flora: You are entitled to your crazy, wrong opinion.

Sid: Yep. It's...I don't even know. I wrote a long, long blog entry about it awhile ago. If you want to read about it, click here.

Tabbie: I'm more of a PBR, Sam Adams, beer-of-the-month kind of girl. Pssst: the Troggs sing "Wild Thing."

Gully: YAY! Support! Also, you write too many fucking blogs. I do not have time to read all of them. You are pissing me off.

Kono: Still is cheap, my friend. Can't get much cheaper unless you're willing to drink Icehouse, and that shit makes me want to kill myself.

Love Bites said...

Please don't ever stop writing about this. Ever.

hereinfranklin said...

Once when I was in college I called my father and told him I was so broke that I had to drink Blatz beer. "Oh hell," he replied. "They dip that out of the Ohio River. How much do you need?"

I miss him.

Le Meems said...

Bleeeeeecgh... I was a sweeeet hooooome deltaaaaaa gaaaaaaamma in my day. I drank slot of Ballentyne beer in those days. Wow. How effing far I've come.

A Free Man said...

You don't strike me as a sorority girl. But then I don't strike a lot of people as a frat boy. We drank a lot of Busch. Anything Lite was for queers and steers and sorority girls. Why can't we spell Light properly? Why does it have to be Lite? I mean you're only saving one letter. Are we that lazy as a civilization?

Del-V said...

I was never a fan of PBR. I do like Sam Adams... but if you can find it in Chicago, check out Dogfish Head 60 Min IPA. It's the super microbrew here on the east coast. It's like a party in your mouth.

I was a frat boy and Miller Lite was the good stuff. We drank a lot of Milwaukee’s Best. That was swill. Thank god I grew up and can buy beer that I like.

Rassles said...

LB: It makes me feel crazy, though.

Franklin: That is awesome. My dad would say, "Maybe if you didn't drink so much, you could afford better beer."

Meems: Thinking back on your old habits, are you embarrassed or proud? Because I'm proud. I'm proud of the fact that we would go to HyVee, where Coors Lite silos were fucking 84 cents. EIGHTY FOUR CENTS FOR 32oz BEERS.

Freeman: Our sorority was...different. But probably not. I just like to think we were.

Del-V: Dogfish is pretty big over here, actually. I like the Palo Santo Marron a lot, but I've always preferred brown and red ales to IPAs. IPAs are usually too dry and hoppy for my taste. And Beast is one of the only beers I won't fucking touch.

Blues said...

"Double Door was the fucking coolest place I'd ever been in my entire life, and I'd been to Prague".

This is the shit that makes me giddy on a Monday night.

By the way, what is up with PBR being all over America now? I thought it was a midwest thing and now it's in fucking arizona and every cool ass is drinking it. Miller light blows. I drink Corona, cause, I'm from Arizona and we think we're Mexicans.