Sunday, September 20, 2009

Chekhov's Gun

Last night I got good and drunk and argued with people about religion, which is always fucking stupid, and I did that thing where I rip apart Dan Brown books because they're obvious and contrived, and how did people not know what The Da Vinci Code was about from the first page? Sion. Hello. It was like a big fat hairy Duh. What else could it have been about?

I ruined the Sixth Sense for people, too. Sitting in the movie theater (or if you prefer Ye Olde Language Spellinge, "theatre"), leaning over to my friends: "Oh, I get it. He's totally dead."

The problem with a twist or a surprise ending is that you're not supposed to know it's going to happen, but when every marketing tool available claims, "You will never expect this twist!" you completely expect the twist. Way to take the piss out of it, assholes.

Then there are those endings that you know are going to happen, but it's still a shocker, and you're all, "Are you fucking kidding me?" because in the back of your mind, yes, this was inevitable, but you didn't think that it would actually end that way.

That's kind of how I feel about my hangover right now.



Ginny said...

It can't be a surprise. Really.

Also, you're funny.

renalfailure said...

Funny... I got drunk and woke up feeling awesome. What a twist!!!

Meagan said...

"Thats kind of how I feel about my hangover right now."
Best metaphor ever.

I never get the surprise endings. After The Village everyone was saying, "Well that was obvious," and I was all, "Huh? Really?"

Course I don't have cable (or even bunny ears tv) so maybe part of the reason I don't see it coming is I miss all the hype, and often don't even know it's supposed to have a twist.

Chris said...

Remind me never to go to the movies with you.

The Ambiguous Blob said...

You are much smarter than the average bear and it may be difficult to be patient with the other bears, but... I totally never get the ending of movies or books before they are presented very plainly and clearly.

Also. I woke up a little bit drunk still, followed closely by a massive hangover. I cured it with a smirnoff ice and a trip to the breakfast place in my hood. It was greasy hangover cure perfection.

nursemyra said...

This t shirt may be just the thing for you

Del-V said...

The best movie ending ever was Godfather II. This is why I never go fishing with my Italian family.

Garrett said...

When I saw the title, I thought this was going to be about last night's Mad Men. I've never been so shocked by that show.

Rassles said...

There was a Chekhov's Gun reference on Mad Men? That's horseshit. I want points for the reference first.

I've never seen Mad Men.

Nick Leshi said...

So what's the Lost Symbol twist. Tell me so I don't have to read it. :)

M. said...

You know what I hate? When they TOTALLY SELL OUT by making the main character ALSO the antagonist.

Like in The Window.

And that movie with Robert DeNiro and Dakota Fanning that I can't remember the title of right now.

Anyway those two.

I was like, "really? really?"

because it takes the mystery out of actually trying to fucking come up with someone. Like, that's something I COULD do. Like "fuck I just wrote a story and can't think of an ending...fuck..oooh I know! Jhonny DEPP is really the killer! Awesome"

Fucking unimaginative.

A Free Man said...

I've had some of those totally predictable but nonetheless surprising hangovers. They're the best.

Le Meems said...

Life is a series of spontaneous changes. Don't resist them--that only creates sorrow. Lao Tzu

Sid said...

Jodi Picoult books. They all have the fucking same surprise ending.

Mongolian Girl said...

You're a complete dork and I love you right down to your little brilliant toes.

Kono said...

You must embrace the hangover with both arms, love it, care for it, and most of all enjoy it, for further reading i recommend How to Be Idle by Tom Hodgkinson? i think that's his name, the title's correct, it's required reading, better advice than the bible.

Rassles said...

Kono, "How To Be Idle" is a masterpiece. I can't believe you've read it. Daily napping. Drinking. Dreaming and staring at the ceiling. Eating all the time. It's like a fucking Bacchanalia by yourself. Love it.

Schmee said...

ps. you were pretty much just arguing with me considering Maureen fell asleep in the middle (lucky bitch) and Patrick was just watching tv pretending to be involved. And I also agreed with you about Dan Brown's books all being exactly the same (the last person you expect to be the villain is) but I still loved da vinci and A and D because those are the first two I read of his and I had never studied or thought about religion like that...obviously you have, thoroughly. Show off...way to make people feel inferior ;)

Ellie said...

Kudos to Dan Brown for making so much money off of so much crap.

I'd rather you shoot me than make me read one of his books. At least it would be interesting to talk about afterwards.

Kono said...

Yes Razz it's definitely words to live by, Fuck Tony Robbins and the rest of those self help gurus, that book is the only one you need.

Thanatos said...

I am still going to read the new Dan Brown book. As a pdf procured by dubious means of course.

Hangovers. I must be getting old, I feel hungover on weekday mornings.

formerly fun said...

You know which twist I didn't get from the get go, the one in The Others.

Oh, and my word ver is hymenic, is that like a hymen hiccupp?

Nick Leshi said...

In the Others, the stars of the show think they live in a haunted house but they in fact are the ghosts.

Rassles said...

Ginny: Okay, so I suspected a hangover, but not of the titanous proportions.

RF: You sonofabitch.

Meagan: Ideally, I would prefer to remain in the dark about the twistiness. I like to be able to enjoy the movie in the moment. I try to stay away from reviews as much as possible, because ideally? Movies should be a blank slate. But it's hard to avoid the marketing and the talk.

Chris: I don't do it a'purpose. Besides, after the Sixth Sense ordeal I've learned to hold my tongue.

Tabbie: I cured mine by sleeping until 4pm.


Del-V: I like the end of Godfather III better, where Pacino just falls over and then that little shit dog sniffs his lifeless body. I always laugh. And then I start to feel sorry for the dog, and I cry. Emotional overload.

Garrett: See comment directly beneath yourn.

Me: You so get reference points.

Nick: Now, I have no background on the Freemasons. I might be able to figure it out if I read the first chapter, because you know there's gonna be some ridiculous shit. With Da Vinci Code, I mean, I was a religion minor. I'd already read parts of Holy Blood Holy Grail, I'd taken classes on Biblical History and religious art. Book was cake. I'd like to hear what my sisters think about it though, since they're history buffs.

Mae: That's just a bullshit cop-out, you know? I agree. Pisses me off. "Oh, he's got two personalities! Ha ha!" Shut up.

Freeman: I prefer unpredictable, surprising non-hangovers, when you wake up and think, "Damn, I can't believe I'm not hungover."

Meems: I love Lau Tzu.

Sid: Never read her. But that would annoy me.

Mongo: Oh, I love you too.

Kono: Like I said, masterpiece.

Me: Hello, you.

Schmee: I pretty much don't remember much about leaving Maureen's apartment, and I forgot we were even there until I'd been awake for over an hour.

Ellie: For the record, I enjoyed reading the Da Vinci Code. It was a fun, simple read. I mean, I read James Bond books like it's my fucking job, so that book was right up my ally. It's just that the hype surrounding it blew my fucking mind, because I did not understand what the big deal was.

Thanny: I'm debating if I should read it. I probably will. Just so I can actually hold a conversation about it.

FF: That was one that I didn't realize had a twist, but I pretty much guessed it anyway.

Nick: I think she means she didn't guess the ending before it happened. FF's a quick girl. Also, thanks a lot for giving away the ending. MY BLOG IS NOT FOR MOVIE SPOILERS. a;sdklfas;dlkfj

Nick Leshi said...

oooops! Sorry about the spoiler. I'm crawling away now before I put my foot in my mouth again...