Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Everyone Is Ridiculous About Something, But Some of Us Are Ridiculous About Everything.

You know, I'm jealous of people that can just wear like, make-up. All the time, every day, they wake up and they brush their teeth and they put on make-up.

I'm just in awe that someone feels comfortable enough to wear that shit in the first place.

Can't they feel it on their face? Don't they want to scrub it away, ashamed that they care about their appearance so much, because appearances shouldn't matter all that matters is that you are comfortable in your skin your clothes don't make a difference win people over with your wit and shining personality (this is very, very hard, because I have a sneaking suspicion that I am somewhat abrasive) and no one cares what you look like, and if they do they aren't worth thinking about...don't people repeat that mantra in their head every morning when they look in the mirror, and feel ashamed, that yes, those things matter...FUCK YOU, MIRROR. And then, like with so many other things, I have to remind myself that I'm no illusion, and I am stronger than reflective glass.

But seriously, sometimes people look so pretty. How did they learn how to be comfortable and pretty at the same time? I wish I could do that.

What happens when they take it off? Do people get angry, and think it's a dirty, nasty trick? I hope not. This metamorphosis, it's a gift, changing at will, even with the aid of powder and brushes.

I can wear costumes to a party, sure, or face paint on Halloween. Sometimes I wear mascara. And chapstick, I fucking love chapstick. Chapstick is pretty much the greatest thing I have in my purse. I could eat it like candy. But I do not, because that would be gross and uncouth. Besides, then what am I going to put on my lips?

But I can't do make up. It feels like a lie. Why do I have such fear of trying to be pretty? What will people think of me? I will look like a freak, I know, and then everyone will talk about that one time that Rassles wore make-up and how she looked like Pennywise (or worse: Tammy Faye), and what, did she think she could actually be pretty? Haha, silly Rassles, and her silly ideas. She thinks she knows everything, she thinks she's so funny.

I know, I know. Shut up. I know. Who cares. Whatever. All that matters is what I think. Do what makes me comfortable. I am doing that. But that doesn't mean I'm still not crazy jealous of all of those people who can just be pretty, every day, because we are supposed to be pretty, and they're just like, "okay" and then they are, how do they do that?

It blows my effing mind. I wish I was trained that way, I wish I raised myself on magazines that weren't about horses or mountains or movies because I'm so far away from everyone, and how did I get all the way over here, and where did this fucking wall of rocks come from?



Blues said...

What the fuck, Rassles - Pennywise????

I wear make up on most days. If I don't wear it, I feel like I look ten years older, but what I don't know is that my makeup probably makes me look ten years older than I would otherwise and probably makes my face age ten times faster than if I weren't wearing any. I'm sure I'm the type of person that people look at in the morning and are like, "Holy fuck she's wearing too much blush". But I don't touch it up during the day and that shit has to last at least til lunch to make my trouble all worth it.

Makeup is retarded, but I've totally bought into it and I NEED it to feel normal because my eyelashes look albino if I don't wear mascara and I look dumb.
Which is so not normal. The normal thing, when you think of it, is yes, feeling like scrubbing that shit off.

So, what is it? That you WANT to wear it but that you feel it interferes with your persona? Or is it that you don't want to wear it and you feel bad about not wanting to wear it?

Rassles said...

I wish I didn't want to wear it. I wish I was confident enough in myself to just exist without it. So I don't wear it, but for a backass reason. It's not because I feel like people shouldn't have to. It's because I feel like ugly with it on. And I wish I didn't, because really, in the end, there is nothing wrong with make up. So either way, I'm vain.

I am vain, and I have no reason to be.

Okay. I figured it out. Carry on.

Schmee said...

man you need therapy...fdjka;dfk;

Ranting Raconteure said...

I just wear makeup to cover up my zits so I don't look 17.

And to cover up my eye wrinkles so I don't look 47.

If I could get away with it, I would just wear mascara so I don't look like a Witchy Big-Face Man-Monster.

Rassles said...

You know Schmee, the more I write and say things out loud, the more I think I might. By the way, why are you such a hooker?

MoLinder said...

schmeeeee is a hooker because she wears makeup. (not that she looks like a hooker when she wears it).

my sister attacks me with various makeup brushes and shit every time i come home. after she's done painting me, she says "look how pretty you look"...like i don't pretty all the time. WTF?

makeup always feels heavy on my face, especially my eyes. it feels like they're weighed down by concrete rather than some shimmery powder. whatever. i like to keep it real - blood shot eyes and that telltale sign of alcoholism in my cheeks. it's au naturale baby. and that's how i roll.

formerly fun said...

Ok, here's my arm chair therapy 101,that yes, you did not ask for.

You said something about people thinking you are trying to look pretty and haha,look at Rassles tring to look pretty...(insecurity #1, on some level you may think that you are not pretty and therefore either should not waste time trying or will be amde fun of for any attempt.

There is also the insecurity that if you wear makeup, you are misleading people and are maybe not a feminist who has bought into all the look jibjab.

Ok, here;s the ff take on it. Makeup is part of a social mask yes. But so is acting all wierd and abrasive etc.. They are all things that say, this is who I am, who I am not...

Makeup can be the same as anything you do to enahnce your appearance, it doesn't have to be fakey, sluttish or a burden. Taking care of one's appearance in any way is one thing that says I am confident, I am approachable...(of course if you slather it on, you might be sayig the opposite)It's ok to wear makeup and by god if I lived there I would give yu a lesson on make up you can feel like you in but I'm not so here's the lil' internet lesson.

1. Upgrade your Chapstick to a tinted lipgloss, no glitter flecks, no bright colors, just something a bit more pinky or reddish than your lips. If you buy a good one, it won't feel too heavy. Ask your whorish friends, every girl who does makeup has a tonal gloss she can spare.

2. Use a tinted moisterizer for a little evening out without looking like you spackled that shit on, or use a little powder, same thing. It will blot out the oilies and even you out. If you get brave, you can use a little concealer dotted under eyes.

3. Ask a friend who is good with makeup for help or castoffs, but a little(a really little bit)sheer blush on the apples of your cheeks. You should look healthy, not like an extra from Flashdance(or Fleshdance, the pron version).

A little complexion even-out,blush mascara and lipgloss will rev you up without making you feel completely clownish. Non of it requires any special brushes.

Rassles, it's ok to want to look pretty and just because you are rockin smart and funny doesn't mean you can't play up some of your prettiness too. Most of it's how you feel. I used to feel like a tramp in earrings, now I'm so used to wearing them that my earlobes feel nekkid without something in them. And concealer makes me look awake even when I stayed up all night reading blogs.

formerly fun said...

And sorry, I did not proofread any of that, so it would appear that I know a little bit about makeup, but that I am mostly illiterate.

Anonymous said...

I'm with FF. I'm a makeup wearer, but GOOD (ie: expensive) makeup. But you're 20+ years younger than me and can still get away with less expensive stuff. Lip gloss, tinted moisturizer and mascara will do wonders. Go to the department store makeup counter and let them show you. You're not obligated to buy anything. Just tell them you want a minimal new look. Here's my hangup tho--I cannot wear lipstick. Tinted lip gloss for me, and that's it.

Diary of Why said...

I have the opposite problem. I wear makeup all the time (not a ton, but a constant level of some) so that now I can't feel normal without it. Like, if I walk past a mirror at night after I've washed my face I'm like, "Who the hell is that?" Which kind of makes living out in the bush in Africa out of the question. Not that I would want to do that, but it would be nice to at least go on a camping trip without feeling like an asshole. I wish I was lower maintenance. Or naturally beautiful. Yeah, maybe both. Alas.

Rassles said...

But see, that's not what I want to hear. I want to hear, "Don't wear make up, you wuss. It's just the man trying to keep us in check" or something. NEVER SURRENDER.

I'm sooooooo already over this.

Kono said...

Last time i wore make-up was in college, i got really high and then took a tab of something and two of my female friends put a red spiky wig on me and gave me the treatment, i looked fucking good, i mean i looked like Ziggy Stardust but i looked good, then i went to the Subway and ate, needless to say the small town i was in just about stopped where ever i went, thought the poor guy at Subway was gonna pass out, i just went about my business like i normally would and it freaked people out, don't think i could do it every day though, that would be rough, the make-up that is.

Schmee said...

you need to stop with your feminist bullshit...it's ok to wear makeup and i know you probably never will so everyone's comments on here are "pretty" (hehe) pointless...but it's also ok to NOT wear makeup. unforutunately you are in a lose lose situation cuz you are insecure without it and insecure with it. moral of the story...get some frickin self confidence already and do whatever the hell you want to, to make yourself look or feel better...jesus. and stop worrying about what everybody else thinks. seriously ross. THERAPY. and i'm not a hooker. you are. :)

renalfailure said...

Makeup is a spice for your face. You cannot make an entire meal out of cinnamon.

Now put on some boots.

Sid said...

I just like to know where these women find the time to look beautiful ALL the time. Like fuckit. Most mornings I'm just happy that I'm not wearing mismatched socks.

Rassles said...

RR: Yeah, I don't do any of that. Then again, I don't really have acne, and I don't notice wrinkles.

MoL: You are a drunken whore.

FF: You are a wonderful, wonderful person for jumping up to my aid and dealing with this flash of crazy with care, even if you did say "pron" instead of "porn." I'm just so anti the concept of make-up, but I want to be pretty, dammit, and comparably it's impossible. Sucks.

Franklin: Yeah, I'm just not going to do that. Make up costs money, and in the end, it's more important to have Crocodile Dundee on DVD instead of eyeliner.

DoW: Or you could do what I do, and think, "This is me, bitches, take it or leave it" and then get mortally offended when they're like, "Okay, leavin' it."

Me: You are glorious, no matter what "they" say.

Kono: Oh. I thought you meant you could't eat Subway every day, and all I can say to that is, "fucking tell me about it."

Schmee: You again? I have decided to shove my blame over to strangers who look down on me for being unfashionable. I've never met them, personally, but I know they exist because I can hear them. I'll always worry about what everyone else thinks, you know. Always. There is no stopping it, and I don't want to. I absolutely, positively, NEVER want to become someone who doesn't care what people think. It goes against my head and my heart.

RF: Speaking of boots,

Sid: Or perhaps, "They's lucky I gots me a shower."

Le Meems said...

fuck me.
(this is very, very hard, because I have a sneaking suspicion that I am somewhat abrasive)

Man. I've been on a FUCKING rampage lately. It's something to do with not working lately. Sleeping over at my parents alot, to forage for food. Jesus. At 30.

I have been wearing make up like a banshee to make up for the fact that I'm a #totalFAIL these days.

Being a totalfail makes a girl on edge. Maybe you get funnier and smarter in TotalFail days.

I just get bronzier, sparklier, dressier, blushier. to overcompensate. jeez.

i'm totalfail and totalpathetic.


Kitty said...

I hate makeup. I wear it to work because everyone else here does (yee haw, Texas!) but it sucks and clogs pores and makes people look dirty.
I think people look better without it.

Red said...

My salon gives me the creeps. I very rarely go there - I actually think I'm going to try the Paul Mitchell school. They may give me the creeps, too, but it's a lot cheaper.

Why the creeps? Pretty much all the women there have dyejobs and their hair is all roughly the same color and I'm a redhead who would never color it at least before the grey steps in and choosing that in your twenties or teens or thirties just strikes me as weird. Plus, it's high maintenance. I actually met a redhead once who's dyejob was so damn good that even I couldn't tell. It costs her $150 every six weeks. I can't imagine committing that much time or money to hair upkeep.

I think it's interesting that you wish you could wear makeup. I think not wearing it is more authentic. It's a little bit of a costume - I see it as protective. It's like a little bit of armor against the slings and arrows of life. But I usually can't be bothered. My boyfriend's mother thinks it's terrible that women go around without makeup, so I make sure to wear it in front of her. But on those occasions, I could use a little armor. He loves me whether I wear it or not.

Love Bites said...

I wear makeup because I have photographic evidence that I look like shit without it. And then, during sex, it gets messed up, and I wonder if my boyfriend looks up at me, with black eyeliner going willy nilly down from my eyes, and thinks, "shit...that's scary." Or, if he likes knowing that he messed it up, and no one else gets to see me like that, but him.

I don't know. Perhaps, sometime, I'll ask him. I know he likes messing my hair up.

Gypsy said...

I can't imagine not wearing makeup. I had pretty bad problems with acne as a teen plus I have a southern mother, so it was kind of ingrained in me.

Honestly, I don't leave the house without it. I won't do it all up if I'm just going to the store or something, but I have to have foundation on or I feel ugly and exposed and not my best. At home I go without. Lancelot seems to like me either way.

I say wear it if you want to, don't if you don't.

Jessica said...

Came to dig in the archives. Does blogger not have a way to notify me when someone comments after I do? Maybe try haloscan.....because I want to know if someone comments after I do, but I don't have time to remember where I commented and to re-visit it to check. That is so 2001.

But I used to be that way about make-up back in high school. Then a lil something called Blistex lip tone got me started. Same thing as Chapstick basically, and it was the same exact color as my lips, yet I could tell the difference in photos. The lip tone made me look better! Then I started with the tinted moisturizer.

Just those two things will make most people look better, and if you already wear moisturizer and chap stick they won't cost extra money or take extra time to put on, so it doesn't really feel like a big deal or compromise.

Plus if someone tries to point out that you look better (compliment but could be awkward still), you can just be like "What are you talking about, the only thing I do is slap on moisturizer and chapstick."