Okay. So the fact that this list even exists makes me a pretentious fuck. But, it's there, and I love it, and it's boring, and you don't care. But I know that at least Sid cares. It's full of links and pictures, because apparently that's how I do things now. Enjoy or ignore, whatever. I just want to go some places a whole lot.
1. Egypt. Travel the Nile from Cairo to Aswan. I have to put this as one whole entry, because there are so many goddamn things involved in this that my head is collapsing on itself just thinking about it. This would take at least three weeks. At least.
2. Lascaux Caves, France. This is one of the only things on like every single list of shit to see I’ve ever made. And I don't like France. Even though you can’t go into the original caves anymore because of mold and shit, they've got a replica (Lascaux II) right next door. To this day, this is like my all-time favorite piece of art, ever. And after I’ve seen the cave paintings, I’m getting it as a tattoo.
3. Petra, Jordan. Thank you, Indiana Jones.
4. Angkor Wat in Cambodia. The trees of the earth are swallowing the palace inch by inch, ripping it apart block by block. Blows my fucking mind.
5. Shark Bay, Australia. Come on, people. It’s called Shark Bay.
6. Cappadocia, Turkey. I don't even know where to begin.
7. Jasmund National Park, Germany. I’ve been imagining this place since like elementary school, when I saw the chalk cliffs in a painting. But the painting focused on this one famous outcropping of rock that totally got destroyed in a landslide a couple of years ago. PS: Dork alert: what does that outcrop remind me of? I'll give you a hint: It starts with a "M" and ends with "-inus tirith." Aaaaaaaand then everyone stops reading my blog.
8. The Uffington Horse. I probably love this for the same reason that I love the Lascaux Caves and Jasmund – it’s like a four hundred foot prehistoric chalk geoglyph in England. Of a horse. Or a dragon. Who knows?
9. Yellowstone. I know. I know. I've never been to Yellowstone.
10. Wudang Mountain. Wander through sacred Taoist monasteries, learn Kung Fu. God, some stuff rips my world asunder. I refuse to ever travel to China without seeing it. I can feel it starting. You know what this means, don't you? I'm going to be doing nothing but thinking about this and watching Kung Fu movies for the next month. And someone has my copy of Zhuangzi, which I'm pretty sure I lent out in like 2004, so I'm prolly never reading that again. Gaaaahhhh. Wudang Mountain ain’t nothin’ to fuck with.
Those are just the places I can name off the top of my head. Is all of this stuff possible to see in one lifespan? Can anyone other than Anthony Bourdain or Rick Steves pull this off? Fucking watch me. I may be broke, but I’m crossing off these top ten if it kills me.
The rest, in no particular order:
11. Lhasa, Tibet: Come on, look at this picture. Can you feel it pulling your soul?
12. Hike the Appalachian Trail. It would be excellent if I could just take off a season and get all of this shit over and done with, but then I would have to be, like, in shape and stuff. Besides, I can't afford to not work. What am I supposed to do? Write a book about it and make millions? That is soooooo Bill Bryson.
13. Machu Picchu. I'm pretty sure everyone's familiar with this, since it's like the IT destination for white people. Thank god that doesn't diminish it.
14. Ajanta and Ellora Caves, India. You know you see shit like this in your dreams.
15. Scotland. From Fingal's Cave and Isle of Mull to Loch Ness, lake to river to lake to river to lake.
16. Alberta Badlands, Canada. Ginny, if I ever visit you, we’re going there.
17. Grand Canyon. I’m not going into detail here, but it involves riding a burro. Which technically doesn't require walking, but shut up. Whatever.
18. Tikal, Guatemala.
19. Mauna Kea Observatories, Hawaii. FF, you lucky motherfucker.
20. Dinosaur Valley State Park in Texas. Nikki introduced me to this shit. Thank the world for her.
22. Island County, Washington. Are you allowed to walk across Deception Pass, which sounds way scarier than it looks? Because I want to.
23. Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe.
24. Iceland's Ring Road. Not only is this a bad ass road trip, but it's all Jules Verney.
25. The Fucking Moon.
I know, there aren't really any cities on here, and it's all very touristy. Well, it's my list, jerks. Cities would be on a list of just places to go. Then I'd have to add Verona and Tokyo and Edinburgh and Cape Town and stuff. And sure, we can walk there. But these places you need to feel the ground, because they're made of the ground, or into the ground. That's what it is. That's the pull, right there.
Now that this list is over, I feel like I've done it wrong. It should be places to walk. Like "across hot coals" as well as the Appalachian Trail. Or on this rope bridge.