Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Guess what song has been playing in my head all day.

From now on, I think, I'm going to imagine I have my own a capella background singers. Like my own Pips lurking off to the side, just out of the corner of my eye, echoing every declaration I make with smooth harmonies (Woo-hoo smoo-hooth).

And then whenever I say something particularly hilarious (funny) they'll do a little grapevine sidestep punctuated by knee lifts and locomotion arm circles - that would be the shit (I know it would)

Inevitably people would get annoyed with that, because I am frequently hilarious (funny all the time)

I don't even know if the Pips could keep up with my lightning-quick quips (quips).

My Pips (pips) will have crazy good muscle control and talk like the Micro Machines guy (if it don't say Micro Machines) just to keep up (then, oh then, it's not the real thing).

They should probably be able to hold their breath for over a minute just in case I'm on a roll.

Like astronauts (space)
and spelunkers (caves)
and magicians' assistants (oh yeah - fucking magic!)

And then they could offer me advice in barbershop harmonies when I'm deep in thought, leaning on iron-wrought vine railings (railings) which happens far less often than I ever thought it would. I used to think that iron railings were like everywhere, what with all those people leaning on them and singing at the moon or something (dreams don't always come true, uh uh. No. Uh uh).

After all, it's impossible to think very deeply without leaning (leaning).

And my Pips agree. Don't you, boys?

(You know we do)



Chamuca said...

Took me a second to figure out what song, but now it's stuck in my head too.


OneZenMom said...

If anyone needs trailing pips, it's so you. I think I would seriously pay to see them harmonize to a Teen-wolf love-fest rant. Me, I think I'd go for more of a strolling minstrel. But you can totally pull off the Pips.

Rassles said...

Chamuca, read it again and pretend you're Gladys Knight. Makes it way more fun.

La Chamuca said...

Yeah, I know. The line "that would be the shit (I know it would)" is the reason why the real song is stuck in my head.

Which you should take as a compliment, since the post is a perfect approximation of what it would be like if you had the Pips as your back up singers.

Anonymous said...

damn. is this is the strangest way i've ever acquired an earworm?

(uh uh, no, uh, uh...)

JMH said...

Personal Pips, sure, great most of the time, but not on a Sunday or a Monday or whenever the bender ends. "Neverending bender" is a sonorous phrase, as is "a sonorous phrase," is a sonorous phrase, as is "a sonorous phrase"...I think I'm stuck.

What I'm trying to say is around 5 on a Monday morning when I stagger to the bathroom and collapse and clutch my face and press it against the cold floor (floo-hoor) and ask who put needles in my eyes (like the bluest skies).

They're brown, assholes!

(Brown assholes)

No no no no no no.

Yeah, personal Pips, probably not something I need.

JMH said...

My inner grammarian says a phrase really should have a verb, but you get my drift.

Sid said...

THIS, this right here is why I love you!!! Great now I'm which that I had my own pips.

Kitty said...

That locomotion motion is the shit.
You deserve your own pips, funny girl.

Ellie said...

Would Kenny Loggins be one of the Pips (provided he can hold his breath for a minute)?

Schmee said...

"don't you love the way he leans??"
this post is pretty hilarious...everytime I think of the pips now, I think of the Idol gives back show where jack black, robert downy jr, and ben stiller pretended to be was also pretty hilarious.

M. said...

what the hell....

Gwen said...

When I saw "leaning" I admittedly thought of Jordan Catalano. Don't you love the way he leans? Yes. Yes I do.

What's weird is that I see another commenter had the same thought. Weird.

Blues said...

I hang around on iron railings all the time (oh yeahhh). I don't sing when I hang out on them though. I already have enough problems with my fucking neighbors.

I've missed you. Where the fuck have I been?

Le Meems said...

...i wrote a blog post about the midnight plane to oakland. ot was about how i wore a bathing suit home on the plane and the bottoms came untied and fell off and a man ran up to me and handed them to me.

maybe i shoulda titled it the midnight train to mortification.

Le Meems said...


renalfailure said...

It's Thanksgiving and I've been drinking Captain and cokes all day, like the Pilgrims did. Thank you, Rassles, for who you are. And thank you for getting hooked on the Failure from Iwillfuckingtearyouapart

Stillie said...

Your Pips are so much better than the lonely guy with the snare following me around for the sole purpose of giving me rim shots...

I said SHOTS.