"Sister, you are about to become frighteningly jealous of my everyday life," Katsisch sneers.
"Lay it on me."
"So at work a couple of the guys play this game where they make top five movie lists like, favorite sci-fi, favorite westerns, favorite space movies," she drags out the sentence as much as possible, "favorite black and white movies created in the color era."
"I hate you so hard right now."
"I told them that you would be basically infatuated with the game."
"Please tell me you're playing."
"They totally let me play. I'm the only girl that they'll let play. And they think girls are stupid because we don't know movies," and of course my feminist buzzer starts ringing in my head, because those guys sound like a bunch of bullshit sexist fuckheads and I want nothing more than to aggressively prove that I know more shit than they do, and they will be seduced by my knowledge, charm, and natural hilarity, and then everyone falls in love with me because I am The Ideal Woman. "But that's really because no other girls want to play."
"Why would anyone choose to not play this game? Are people crazy? How do you win? Can I play via interweb or something because I like have to?"
"I told them that you would kick their ass at any and all trivial movie-related activities."
"Don't tell people shit like that man, because then when I make a mistake it's a waaaaaaay bigger deal."
"It's not like you're ever going to meet them."
"True, Sister." And then they will never know that they are in love with me. So much for my plan. "So give me one."
"Fuck yeah, give me one."
"Top five sci-fi."
"What kind of sci-fi?"
"Like time travel? Or like aliens or space or technology or are you looking for all-encompassing science fiction?"
"I have no idea. Aliens."
"In outer space, on Earth, or both?"
"Space is not a requirement. You just gave me like seven more categories for the game."
"We must be specific. I take this shit seriously. Favorites or best?"
"Flight of the Navigator, Alien..." I pause, for a few seconds, gazing in thought. "I need more time."
"In general we choose the category in the morning and hold court over lunch, so during the actual game you would have four hours."
"Maybe Repo Man."
"How have you not listed Star Wars yet?"
"Dude, I need more time. There are just so many. The Last Starfighter. Star Trek (lady boner). Starship Troopers. Basically anything with 'star' in the title."
"Five and only five."
"Evolution. Muppets In Space."
"Now you're just naming movies for the sake of proving you know the names of a bunch of movies."
"Okay, well maybe not Muppets In Space, but Evolution for sure."
"You're going to write a blog about this, aren't you?"
"You are such a dork. Nobody cares about your blog."
"It's not like I walk around introducing myself as a Blogging Extraordinaire. I don't even like telling people about it."
"You talk about it all the time."
"You brought it up, you sneaky bastard. Plus sometimes you know, it's like I want to tell a story, but I don't know if the person I'm talking to has already read something I wrote and I'm just repeating myself like a jackass. So I gotta start half of my conversations with, 'Did you read my blog about fucking whatever' and move on from there."
"You just want everyone to read it. I'll bet you tell people about it at bars."
"I sure fucking don't. I'm embarrassed by it. I hate it when strangers find out I have a blog, because then a friend says, 'oh you have to read her blog she's so funny' and then people are like, 'what do you write about' and I'm like 'ummm...things I think are funny.' Because I don't want to talk about my inadequacies, and then I have 'funny' to live up to. So I have to mock myself incessantly until I'm comfortable, which makes other people uncomfortable. So basically my blog is a platform of insecurity and validation and a place for me to over-analyze stuff."
She stares at me. "Why don't you just stop over-analyzing?"
"If you stop breathing, does that make the thought of breath irrelevant?"
"That doesn't make any sense."
"Okay, just because I stop over-analyzing stuff doesn't mean I'm not going to crave over-analyzing stuff, and then I'm going to over-analyze my over-analytical nature. I've been like this for twenty-eight years, it's not like it started yesterday."
"Whatever. Just be clear about this: I was right, and you were wrong."
"What are you talking about?"
"It's Muppets FROM Space, and you said Muppets IN Space. HA! I WIN! I AM SOOOO BETTER THAN YOU!"