Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Friendship Is Just Like Electromagnetic Interactions and Quarks

My friendship with the Smith Sisters can best be ignorantly described with the following highly accurate Feynman diagram that flawlessly follows all of the rules of quantum electrodynamics:

I know what you're thinking: O fair Rassles, my brilliant, beautiful, bodacious blogging friend, however did you familiarize yourself with quantum physics? Weren't you a diligent speech major, busy writing a senior thesis that would earn you a historically impressive D+?

First of all, in my defense, I started that thesis a week before it was due and I was supposed to be working on it for a year. Second of all, I changed my major about seventeen times. Third of all, your face makes you look like a jerk.

But I dabbled in physics, for sure. Well, I've read In Search of Schrodinger's Cat, which is sloppy old school fun with physics, and I recommend it to anyone who wants to name-drop things like inter-perlative-quantum-business-something.

Sooooooo I don't really remember anything about the book except the pictures. Anyone who knows anything about anything knows that if I am anything, I am full of shit.

Basically, I wanted to talk about the Smith Sisters via graph, so initially in this explanation, I needed a graph. And I knew I wanted a Feynman because there were squiggly lines.

But I technically didn't remember the name of it, so I to googled "diagram with squigglies and positrons" and found it right away and I was all "fucking score" and then I tried to remember where I read about it since I've never taken a physics class in my life, and I googled "physics book with a cat" and then fucking Vwa-la (this is the way we spell things around here, by the way, because this is fucking America and I don't want any of your French-fangled Canadian verbal crappage all up in my business) I've got a complex explanatory answer to a question no one asked me directly.

This serves as an accurate diversion, no doubt, from the fact that my graph makes no sense whatsoever, and also provides a worthy transition into a rant about how my country is better than Canada because our hockey team whooped their asses, ergo I am better than The Smith Sisters because they are from Canada and I am from THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD. And I will continue to point that out as often as possible, even though they let me sleep on their couch when I'm drunk.

...

Unfortunately, that would prove to be a superlong blog post, so...tomorrow? I thrash Canada.

And yeah, I'm aware of my hypocrisy: I bitch about the Olympics and then write a blog post mentioning that game. BUT! But but BUT! Making fun of my friends, without mercy and under the guise of patriotism, takes precedence over nearly everything.

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13 comments:

JMH said...

Is that the strange quark? After a bit of research, I discovered that the strange quark's antiparticle is the antistrange. Come on, physicists. There's no need to make up words. There are several suitable opposites for strange.

I might also suggest that they re-name the charm quark's antiparticle "body odor."

Glenn Beck?

sid said...

I know a Canadian who would NOT be impressed by this piece at ALL. I can't wait to show it to him =)

Chris said...

You draw awesome arrowhead thingies. And as someone who dropped two separate physics classes at two very good universities, which I believe makes me a physicist, I'm pretty sure your graph is accurate. And probably publishable. Also, your post makes no sense. USA! USA!

Clara A. Olsen said...

Quite an analysis you got here pal.Just got across your blog and got intrigue with your sketch. Hope you'll have a nice day and until your next cool blog.

One more thing i beg to disagree to your friend that this is unpublishable... but i think he is just joking.. so let it be.

Clara A. Olsen said...

Quite an analysis you got here pal.Just got across your blog and got intrigue with your sketch. Hope you'll have a nice day and until your next cool blog.

One more thing i beg to disagree to your friend that this is unpublishable... but i think he is just joking.. so let it be.

OG said...

This blog post made my morning much more enjoyable. I can relate squiggly lines to intoxication - it all makes perfect sense.

Rassles said...

Everyone is correct! This post makes no sense.

Del-V said...

Sidney Crosby sucks. I'm OK with the rest of Canada.

Le Meems said...

you never ever cease to make me feel all squishy and kitten whiskers inside.

thank you

On another note, can you do a diagram of Quantum Leap?
i hearted that show for so long . . .

formerly fun said...

More diagrams!!

And possibly a little more cowbell.

MoLinder said...

dude, you are such a tool. you didn't mention how you're totally into curling too. you are the biggest olympic whore ever. way to stand by your hatred of the olympics.

Mister Crowley said...

Don't lie...you've been watching Primer or jerking off to Feynman ;)

The Ambiguous Blob said...

If you put a cat in a box, the cat is in the box. Unless you see the cat leave. Physics can suckit.

Also, I went to Canadialand once and got the flu. It was my birthday.

I went there a bunch of times after and didn't get sick, but that one time was enough to make me wary of their ways.