Wednesday, February 10, 2010

In Hopes of a Snow Day, Here is a Blog Post.

I just got finished shoveling the sidewalk in front of my apartment complex because I am (a) selfless and (b) a philanthropist. MoLinder actually gave me the idea when she talked about how she was thinking about being a good samaritan and shoveling tonight, and I reminded her that she's from San Diego and shoveling a foot of snow is like preparing for trench warfare. She still did it, though, which means she's a winner, and then I hauled another round six hours later.

Everyone who knows anything about snow knows that the best way to shovel is frequently and slightly drunk, so I jumped on that shit. Not the drunk part. Don't get me wrong, LOST was on tonight, and it's veritably absurd to watch that show without beer unless there are wagons and twelve-step programs involved. I believe, and I could be wrong, but I believe it's actually a law. Whatever, pre-shoveling involved driving so I didn't get drunk, due to wisdom and responsibility.

Topic at hand: I need a new template, like, yesterday. So I've decided to enlist the help of everyone who bothers to read this.

I want a header image. I'm thinking something like a dirty-ass dive bar, one where they only bother to clean the tapper and pint glasses because really, nothing is more important than the beer. I drew one awhile ago and never bothered to put it up, and now I'm sick of it. I keep on opening the file and growling at myself out of consternation.

You know when you google images of dive bars and there are always pictures of spotless pubs that fucking wish they were shady? I dislike that.

Basically, help. Please. Sugar and stuff. All template ideas are welcome, but actual submissions earn more points and appreciation.

But the most important thing is this: whoever gives me the best concept will win a prize, which could range from a shitty poem to a fucking robot, depending on how much money I get in my next pay check. Granted, your robot would probably be a two-gallon bucket with some hot-glued pipe cleaner googly-eyes jammed on top of a toy remote control monster truck, but still very cool, right? Robot?

(Note: the poem is more likely)

Also, Chris from Letters: your drawing will be up shortly. I apologize for the wait, but work is eating me alive.

...

19 comments:

sidney kane said...

Hmmm you definitely need a new template/banner. Not quite sure how to create any of these. Guess I'm not winning the robot. Bummer.

Kono said...

Google Gooski's in pittsburgh, it's beautiful, it's a dive, it smells of smoke and i've done so many drugs in the bathroom that now that i'm old and responsible i practically shake when i take a piss cuz i feel as if somebody should be stuffing a key in a little bag or something, it's the real deal...

Rassles said...

I've got bars that I love that would fit it, perfectly. Orazios. The Can. But the people that hang out at those bars don't really own cameras. So there are no pictures.

Geo said...

I could draw you a dive bar if you want. I dunno about your actual format/template, but as a header or something.

jessica said...

why not just take a photo? my idea is a photo that just has all the taps across it. something like one of these, but one you took yourself & better quality. that'd be really easy to crop into an oblong shape and would be visually interesting. if you want words in front of it you could reduce opacity.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/mkenworthy/2457763875/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/add1sun/3563320920/

Rassles said...

My original idea was to have tappers as tabs, like one that said, "about me" and one that said "blog roll" but then I realized that it's lame.

Le Meems said...

jesus criminy.
email me your passwords and at some point after I dress up like a goddamned zombie for a Valentines Dinner I'm attending in LA this weekend, I'll make you a new template with a dive bar.

But it'll be in Wordpress.
ya dig?

Le Meems said...

jesus criminy.
email me your passwords and at some point after I dress up like a goddamned zombie for a Valentines Dinner I'm attending in LA this weekend, I'll make you a new template with a dive bar.

But it'll be in Wordpress.
ya dig?

daisyfae said...

i am no help in the 'template/header' department because mine sucks hard without a swallow...

and didn't you have an earthquake today?

Mae December said...

i am such shit at this which sucks because i wanted the fucking poem.
fail for life.

nursemyra said...

how about this dive?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/98354766@N00/1721209389

A Free Man said...

I've been in some divey ass dive bars in my time, but I don't know that I have photohgraphic evidence. People in dive bars tend to get a bit squirmy when you pull out the SLR.

Kitty said...

That is exactly what I did last night. Shoveled one foot of snow out of the driveway.
All I could think about was how shitty it must be to have to do this shit just to get to work in the morning.
I'd fail.
I also thought about how stupid it was that my husband was at a damn gym working out when I was working up a shitstorm of muscles with that shovel. I mean, this is why we work out, right?

Your new blog needs some strong colors like bright red and black. If I see any dive bars around here, I'll get a photo for you. Wait, there are no bars around here, dry county.

How about a longhorn? http://www.flickr.com/photos/cinemagypsy/2555877798/

If you go to my flikr stream and see anything you like, you are welcome to use it.

Schmee said...

I've got it...at Brian's party next weekend let's have everyone who reads your blog draw their own interpretation of Orazio's on a bar napkin...you can use them all at once or alternate one every month or something...WIN! That's my helping jazz hand for you...

The Ambiguous Blob said...

I can't help you with anything to do with "art" or "technology". It just isn't my thing.
However, I can be sympathetic to your need for shoveling snow. Wish you had secret late-night snow shoveling elves who did it for you.

trouble said...

I like these pictures:

http://www.innerfictions.com/images/db3.jpg

http://www.hilariousheadlines.com/talk/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/dive-bar.jpg

http://www.zagat.com/img/buzz/20090219_london_slimjims_courtesy.jpg

red clay said...

dive bar.
the shallow end with the water drained out.

http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v665/redclay/?action=view&current=39c3f79b.jpg&newest=1

la isla d'lisa said...

Just because I want you to keep the name of your blog the same, I vote dive bar men's room wall with a bunch of lists. Make that women's room wall (much funnier lists). Could be disaster. Could be the shit.

krinklepaper said...

i'll make you a banner. where should i send it?