Let's get one thing out of the way right now: I get more annoyed by the fucking Olympics every time they start up again.
Shut up. Don't argue. For a whole month no one has any opinions about anything, they just regurgitate what they read online about the Olympics.
Now this is important, because even outside of Olympic eventing, very few people have their own opinions at all. Most of them just repeat bullshit they read in an article online, and when I ask some derivative of, "So how do you feel about that article? What does it mean?" my conversational nemesis will be all, "fucking right on" because they have no substantive deductive reasoning skills and are most likely an African Grey Parrot.
And I'm accused of "looking into it too much," but all I can think is, you aren't looking into it enough.
Here is the thing: you want to talk about the Olympics? Fine. I will pay attention if you give me an original assessment other than a variation of "that was cool" or "that was not cool."
Otherwise, every single fucking person tries to have the exact same fucking Olympic conversation with me, one they heard someone else talking about on the fucking news, and I just say, "Yeah, I heard that same exact thing." Hopefully that response will rightfully give them impression that don't I care about their mimicry skills. Skills as a mimicist. Mimicksist? Mimicker?
But no, they will keep talking. Suddenly everybody in the world is a fucking luge expert after reading some article where Shaun White says, "the luge is totally dangerous, bro " and then they wikipedi for two hours until a rabbit trail leads them to the entry on parity transformation, and then they overload and update their Facebook with “Just spent two hours on Wikipedia. FML.” And then all these grammatical geniuses respond with “ur to funny!”
Fascinating, I know. I'm a snob.
Sure, Olympians deserve some recognition. They work hard and make their bodies do crazy endurance business. They are fearless, which is incredible. But there's no rush watching people get a rush. It's just frustrating reminder that I have never been bobsledding. Which must happen someday.
Actually, if the Olympics were full of people like me, you wouldn't be able to tear me away from the television. Because believe you me, my grace is peerless. Like strapping skiis on a triceratops.