Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Mimickry and Intelligence Are Two Different Things

Let's get one thing out of the way right now: I get more annoyed by the fucking Olympics every time they start up again.

Shut up. Don't argue. For a whole month no one has any opinions about anything, they just regurgitate what they read online about the Olympics.

Now this is important, because even outside of Olympic eventing, very few people have their own opinions at all. Most of them just repeat bullshit they read in an article online, and when I ask some derivative of, "So how do you feel about that article? What does it mean?" my conversational nemesis will be all, "fucking right on" because they have no substantive deductive reasoning skills and are most likely an African Grey Parrot.

And I'm accused of "looking into it too much," but all I can think is, you aren't looking into it enough.

Here is the thing: you want to talk about the Olympics? Fine. I will pay attention if you give me an original assessment other than a variation of "that was cool" or "that was not cool."

Otherwise, every single fucking person tries to have the exact same fucking Olympic conversation with me, one they heard someone else talking about on the fucking news, and I just say, "Yeah, I heard that same exact thing." Hopefully that response will rightfully give them impression that don't I care about their mimicry skills. Skills as a mimicist. Mimicksist? Mimicker?

But no, they will keep talking. Suddenly everybody in the world is a fucking luge expert after reading some article where Shaun White says, "the luge is totally dangerous, bro " and then they wikipedi for two hours until a rabbit trail leads them to the entry on parity transformation, and then they overload and update their Facebook with “Just spent two hours on Wikipedia. FML.” And then all these grammatical geniuses respond with “ur to funny!”

Fascinating, I know. I'm a snob.

Sure, Olympians deserve some recognition. They work hard and make their bodies do crazy endurance business. They are fearless, which is incredible. But there's no rush watching people get a rush. It's just frustrating reminder that I have never been bobsledding. Which must happen someday.

Actually, if the Olympics were full of people like me, you wouldn't be able to tear me away from the television. Because believe you me, my grace is peerless. Like strapping skiis on a triceratops.

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20 comments:

Logical Libby said...

The only Olympic event I can get behind id curling. I like a sport where beer drinking is required.

jessica said...

i think you're hanging out with the wrong people. this post is actually the first olympics-talk i've encountered aside from news snippits that made me aware it's coming up in vancouver.

daisyfae said...

wait, what? olympics? it's fucking winter...

Rassles said...

Hey, I'm just letting people know before shit starts up next week.

No one's started talking about it yet. But they will. Oh, they fucking will, and I will get annoyed.

gyna said...

now i will talk about it all the time- just to piss you off

renalfailure said...

When it comes to the Winter Games, if it's not ice hockey or curling, I'm not interested.

carlae said...

There's not enough money to make me watch the Po-lympics. I'm old and I've seen my share of sporting events, but I have had my fill of advertising. And if Bob Costas so much as looks toward Seattle, I will launch a rocket at him.

MoLinder said...

whatev hater (or racist, your pick). the Olympics are going to be on the tv ALL THE TIME! nothing gets a lady boner going like ice dancing.

Here In Franklin said...

Shaun White is pretty cute though.

formerly fun said...

Still love the skating but unless I ma actually in the active process of watching it, I have nothing to say--just not on the radar. And I yearn for a life where I have two hours to wiki anything, boo hoo.

And I love that you are a snob, and down to earth. You are a conundrum, wrapped in an enigma, served in a tote bag filled with vegetarian chili.

Ginny said...

Fine, whatever, hate on the Olympics. All I'm going to say is that if you jumped the border and came to see me, we could go to Calgary (home of the 1988 Olympics), and you actually could try bobsledding.

And Canadian beer.

(Also? One of our friends is a former Olympian. He ran with the torch in January. We're planning a neighborhood torch relay/drinking game as soon as weather permits.)

la isla d'lisa said...

Well I'll be doggoned ... MY grace is peerless, to!

sidney said...

"Strapping skiis on a triceratops." Loved the imagery.

Kono said...

Since it's no longer a competition of amatuers it really is a fucking wankfest, since i don't watch television anyway and if i did i certainly wouldn't watch NBC, i think i'm safe, in fact the only way i'd watch is if they went back to the real deal, all Greek and shit and everybody had to be naked, now that would make the winter olympiad something to behold.

Thanatos said...

Huh. Dinos on snow. I'd watch that.

Red said...

I'm a grammar snob, too. And I feel mortified if I misspell something in a comment. EG was annoyed with me because he's recently granted me admin rights and I went through and italicized stuff that was supposed to be.

Jon said...

Do you believe in miracles??

(I made that up just now.)

The Ambiguous Blob said...

While at a FAMILY dinner on VALENTINES DAY, a couple of my uncles were talking about the opening ceremonies, somebody carried a torch. An American- they were laughing about my Grandma calling them both to make sure they were watching. My dad's family is from Canadialand. They're quite proud that the Olympics are being hosted in their home territory.
This is the whole of everything I have heard about Olympics. I guess I live in a cave.

OG said...

Well Said...I hate the olympics.

Gwen said...

I kind of hate the Olympics. There's a lot of good television preempted for that shit. I'm the least athletic person you will ever meet so maybe that's why watching other people ski and luge and ice skate is so horrifically boring to me.