Friday, March 19, 2010

Say Crack Again.

Because of Erin, I took this ridiculous 485-question personality matrix thing to determine what jobs properly suit my personality.

Why do I do this? Personality quizzes are my fucking crack.

Yes, I seek answers in life by trying to jam myself into a category that was probably created by some old man sitting at an electric typewriter in his underwear with an opium lamp and a wicked grin. Yes, I talk about quizzes all the time. Why? It's the only good thing about Facebook (I think my favorite was: WHAT KIND OF BAD ASS FUCKING AWESOME DINOSAUR/WEAPON COMBO ARE YOU?).

Either way, basically, I love personality assessment crap, sitting around and analyzing the semantics of every sentence (I am familiar with the seduction of the couch! And I totally only succeed by the sheer force of my personality rather than actual skills! I would be riding a Velociraptor wielding a flaming sword! OMG I do eat food!) probably because...I don't know.

Because they always tell me that I'm fucking awesome, and I crave impartial validation.

So either way, I took this thing and was given the Top Three jobs that suit me, and I had to go and dick around with the other 300 jobs on the list to determine my top ten.

Okay. Ready? Here we go, in order of compatibility:

1. Criminal Investigator/Detective
2. Corrections Officer
3. Paramedic
4. Bartender
5. Clergy
6. Surveyor
7. Judge
8. Loan Officer
9. Psychiatrist
10. Gynecologist

So then I tried to sit around and pick apart what all of these things said about me because I am a ridiculous human being and I like to think I'm insightful. Cuz I'm an ENFP.  Or sometimes an ENTP which means I AM insightful, and I don't just THINK I am.  Hrrrm.

We learn, based on the job results listed above, the following: I value manners and respect, but not morals and authority. Extroverted, but not always friendly. Want to help people out of obligation rather than sympathy. Easily irritated but very hard to offend. Can work under pressure (this is arguable. It would be more accurate to say that I finish what I start, although lately? I haven't been finishing anything. LAME). Interested in others. Am not afraid of you or them, but I am afraid of me. Apparently I'm also interested in vaginas.

Speaking of vaginas, you like how creators of this quiz group fixin' the lady bits with fixin' the streets, the criminals, the insane, the broke, and the godless?

So many layers.

Also, I demand that everyone take more personality quizzes and tell me your results. You are exempt if I made you do it before. And if you don't like your result, I will take it for you and get a way fucking better answer because I mean come on people, do I have to fucking figure everything out for myself?

...

13 comments:

daisyfae said...

i think you'd be a perfect corrections officer. nobody'd fuck with you... go for it.

Erin said...

What is this amoral clergy thing? I just do not get it.

Chamuca said...

So I took the test, but I just got home from training with a bunch of idiot kids. (I felt like I was babysitting.)

So that may be why my top 10 jobs were all jobs where I tell people what to do (CEO of a large corporation, etc.). Interestingly though, my 12th job listed was Funeral Director. Weird.

la isla d'lisa said...

Librarian? I should be a librarian? Huh, as if. I still have no idea what the Dewey Decimal System is all about. Stupideffingquiz.

Ellie said...

See! I said you were like a private eye when hungover! What a perfect excuse for your to drink a lot ... in order to excel in professional opportunities!

Here In Franklin said...

Obviously I'm not fit for any job because I couldn't figure out how to get the results. However, I think I am getting a discount on a scooter.

The Ambiguous Blob said...

I took the animal Ted and am a wildcat. I was not shocked. Pretty accurate. Rawr.

sid said...

Bwahaha. I love personality quizzes too. Will take this one as soon as I have a spare moment at work.

Also ... why is it you're not a barman? Seriously. You like alcohol. You spend a lot of times you bars. You might as well get paid doing it.

The Ambiguous Blob said...

ok, so I took the career test. Freaking long. Turns out, my best match is for a printing press operator.
Which is kinda funny, cuz of my backstory. Which is not funny enough to post here.
I also scored kind of high on slaughterer. DUDE. I'm vegetarian. I freaking would not be good at that.
Stoopid test.

Blues said...

PLEASE QUIT DISTRACTING ME WITH OTHER STUFF. I finally decided I was gonna spend the afternoon blogging and now I gots to take a test n shit? Okay, I will report back.

Totally laughed about the Corrections Officer thing. Holy crap would you ever kick ass all over town.

By the way, what do you mean you aren't finishing what you started? Are you trying to say that fucking quilt is in some bag somewhere under your bed and you haven't touched it in weeks. Get on that shit, biatch.

Love Bites said...

Have you ever done a Meyer's Briggs Test? I'm an ENFP. tell me yours!!!

Rassles said...

Daisy: FUCK THAT. How the hell am I supposed to pick up guys? "What do you do for a living?" "Oh, you know, I'm a prison guard." Hell no.

Erin: No, it's not that the clergy is amoral. It's that to succeed as a member of the clergy you must be willing to deal with the amorality of others without freaking the hell out. The best Catholic priests are the ones that accept your faults and help you overcome them without judging you one way or the other. It's not their job to judge you. It's their job to get you to heaven. Someone with high morality - that morality would cloud their ability to do their job, which is save people. Historically, clergy members were highly moral. And THAT'S how you end up with the Spanish Inquisition.

Chamuca: Did you just read down the list, or did you take your CDUs for each job and rank them yourself?

Lisa: LUCKY. That is way better than fucking prison guard.

Ellie: I agree.

Franklin: Yeah, you just have skip through all that horrible, horrible bullshit advertising business.

Tabbie: I am a bear.

Sid: I used to be, but I needed health insurance, so I had to quit. Although maybe NOW, with this health plan stuff going on, I could go back to it. That would be fucking cool.

Tabbie: Slaughterer? That's a profession? Like, of pigs? Or a hitman? You SHOULD be a hitman! That would be sooooo Grosse Pointe Blank!

Blues: No one wants me to be a Criminal Investigator, everyone's just all superpsyched that I could be a fucking prison guard. Damn you. And yeah, I'm still working on the quilt. Don't even.

LB: I'm ENTP/ENFP. Is that a surprise? No, it's not. I really am a big mix between the two. Lately I've been more ENTP.

Kitty said...

I could totally see you running your own church. There's big money in that you know.

You'd make a cool biker chick too.