Monday, May 24, 2010


LOST is ridic. There is all of this arguing going around, and I am a drunken asshole. It. Is. Amazing. I would like to say I was half right, and in thinking outside temproral lines which is HARD when you're durnk by the way, because it's all like, you know, people are all fucking dead and shit and they make out and punch people and then there's a light, it's all about the fucking lithght. WHO WERE THE OTHERS? WHY DIDN'T THEY BRING BACK THE GIANT PENDULUM THING? I lorved that thing, it was like the Museum of Science and Industyr.

Because here's the thing: People die, people stay, people get off the island and make it home. Hear me? THEY MAKE IT HOME. And then after their deaths, they all meet up before moving on to the light, which was fucking douchey by the way, because time only exists because someone said so one day and decided to measure it, and that person, the one who invented time? Fuck that fuckin guy. So the show is the real shit, and the splintered timeline is the fake shit (DUH) and Jack is right for the first time ever because homeboy is retarded.

I love that show so hard, and you people, anyone who reads this? don't care. But I care and the writing shall commence.

Whatever, all I'm saying is, Pub Chugga Chugga Choo Choo 9 was on sadurday and ?I have relinquished all control of shit, but I am incapable of relinguqishing control because of (1) I am a jerk and (2) I consider myself important, apparently. I never realized I thought I was important having lived under the assumption taht I am wortheless for about, like, 29 years, so this was a goddamn revelation. I do not know if this is good or bad. I think it's also important to note that I ruin everything, and everything is my fuckllnmg fault, and I am the opposite of photogenic and I think I have a double chin. WHAT THE FUCK. I will tell you in the morning.

and what's the deal with all of you fuckers writing blogs all the time? Don't you know that I am a busy person and I don't have time for thta shit, and then I feel guilty because I care so deeply about the emotional repurcussions of ignoring people ON THE INTERNET? That sentence was a legitimate question, by the way, because it began with "don't you know" which implies query. I am for serious.

This weekened I was told to start doing stand up and to start writing LOST fanfiction, and I'm all like, thanks. Fanfiction. Seriously? I am fucking insulted. I will create my own characters, thank you. Still, I feel entirely incapable of either. This depresses me. I am a poorly narrated limerick with an irritating punchline, and that is the life that I lead, youknow?.

I leave for Ireland on June 5. With the fam. It is very werid.




Logical Libby said...

Maybe after you finish your fanfiction you can start a "Lost" LARP group. You might have to fight for park space with the other geeks though.

Chris said...

You are awesome. Enjoy Ireland. They have much whiskey.

Sid said...

I love your drunk blogging. It's the most fascinating thing ever. Okay so most of the time I'm kinda confused by the whole thing but there's so much anger that I can't help but love it.

Ireland? Really? That's one country I'm not too keen on visiting. Anyway, hope you have an awesome time over there.

M. said...

I just farted.
Except not.

grumpy said...

I am so gonna drunk blog. Or is that blog drunk.

It reads like FUN!

I love how you lorved Lost.

ps: I am not drunk now. I wish I was.

Blues said...

The writers of LOST are a bag of loose sphincters. I fucking hated the last season, and yet I watched and watched. What I hate the most is that they try to pretend like it's all intellectual with multiple interpretations and shit and that is such a bunch of crap. WHY DOES DRINKING WATER OUT OF A RIVER MAKE YOU HAVE SPECIAL POWERS TO GUARD A SPECIAL LIGHT THAT HAS NEVER BEEN EXPLAINED? WHAT ARE THE RULES ABOUT NOT KILLING EACHOTHER AND WHO MADE UP THESE FUCKIN RULES? They are so obviously laughing at their viewers. I hope the producers get killed by a polar bear someday.

Re Ireland: AWESOME. Just went in October. Love it love it love it. I'm so jealous your family takes cool vacations together. The only thing I can get my family to do is hike into the Grand Canyon to torture me with their craziness for four days. You must go to Kilkenny, and Galway and Doolin. Especially Doolin.

Mia Watts said...

Wow. You are way cool when your durnk and tpying. Just stay away from the lihgts.

Rassles said...


Chris: I loved it the first time I was there. Almost didn't leave. And thanks.

Sid: That's crazy talk, it's like my favorite place in Europe.

Mae: I farted like an hour ago. It was ridiculous.

Grumpy: It's entirely up to you, and I highly recommend it. Buckets of fun. And how can you not lorve LOST?

Blues: the crazy thing about Ireland is the fact that this is the first vacation my family has taken together, just parents and sisters, since I was fifteen. and the only other place we've gone since then was Vegas, and I had cousins and casinos then, so it was like constant familial companionship.

But now I'm going to be spending EIGHT FULL DAYS with them, which hasn't happened since...yeah. Since I was fifteen. Crazy. We'll be going to Kilkenny, but not Galway or Doolin, which is crap. We're basically going to all of the same placed I went seven years ago (OMG 7) which is fantastic (they're brilliant) but lame (they're not new).

Mia: Thanks, Ms. Watts.

renalfailure said...

You're going to miss the Stanley Cup Finals if the series goes longer than four or five games. Better hope they like hockey over in the Irish pubs if the People's Champions known as the Flyers push the Blackhawks to seven games.

Blues said...

Smithwicks beer - love it.

nursemyra said...

you're going to Ireland in June? That's only a hop, skip and a jump away from Greece. Take a two day break and come visit daisyfae, dolce and me in Athens or Lesbos!

Ellie said...

I wish I could blog as nicely as you do when I've been on the sauce. Sadly, I just go crossed eyed and fall asleep in the armchair.

Only ever been to Belfast for a business trip. Ireland is one of those 'too close' places so it has never made the vacation list. I know it really must. Maybe now that I'm in Spain. A trip to a rainy place might make sense.

Didn't your cousins go with you to Mexico? ;-)