Monday, May 3, 2010

Standing Was Exhausting

Man, I am not allowed to get drunk anymore, because then I send emails like this:

I haVE DEVELOPED THE BAD HABIT OF EMAILIN O=YOU DURING PERIODS OF INOTOXICATION. I ALSO CANNOT PROPERLY NEGATE MY CAPS LOCK. APPARENTLY.

To poor, unsuspecting souls.

More importantly, Furry Vengeance is the same thing as Avatar edited with clips from America's Funniest home videos. Also - no wearable robots with secret swords.

Yesterday me and Schmee got drunk at the Cubs game from the lofty confines of a luxury suite. They had shrimp. And I hit random speed-dials on the suite's phone asking, "Is this where we get more beer? No? Thank you." And Schmee was all logical and shit and, "Why don't you call catering?" And I explained that...I don't know what I explained, but I gave her a damn good reason for my decision to call every department but catering.

I also stole the uneaten blocks of cheese from the cheese plate and carried them around in my purse for eight hours while we struggled from bar to bar. I was all spinny. Standing was exhausting.

Neither of us know why we kept on drinking, meeting up with new people at each bar and just telling the same story over and over again (and I'm doing it now) (and then I called to get more beer! and then I put cheese in my purse! and Schmee sat next to the owner of the Brewers! OMG so drunk!).

Whatever. I WRITE BLOG.

...

17 comments:

Thanatos said...

Step away from the cheese. Slowly.

Jillian said...

Actually, I'd advise stepping away from the cheese.......quickly.

MoLinder said...

you were hilarious when you came in last night. i felt bad i wasn't showing proper interest in your drunk story (especially because i do that shit to you ALL THE TIME! sorrs). but i had a good reason = book 7 of the sandman. which i finished. at 2am.
anyway, next time i promise to give you my undivided attention when you have a story about stealing cheese.

Mae December said...

I Loled.

Ginny said...

I adore you. You remember how people used to be all "Gah!" when they got Rick Rolled? I never did. I considered a Rick Roll to be a gift. I feel the exact same way about your drunken communiques.

daisyfae said...

i've had to check sent messages and e-mails from a hungover haze on a sunday afternoon on far too many occasions. it never gets old...

you stole cheese? that's pretty cool... do you still have it? is there lint on it, and little marks from the ballpoint pens in your purse?

renalfailure said...

I'm almost disappointed when I don't find a drunken email from you on the weekend.

Del-V said...

What do you call stolen cheese? Nacho chese.

FUZZARELLY said...

I invented a term for food taken from buffets, parties, whatever. Shove it in your purse and call it Klept-overs.

The Ambiguous Blob said...

My rule of no emailing or facebooking while wasted is only very occasionally broken (when I'm too wasted to remember the rule).

Schmee said...

HAH. That was a fun day. You forgot to tell everyone how I also ran into Ricketts (owner of the cubs) outside our suite (more like sweet) and I pretended like we were old friends....fdjka;sdk

Who did you drunk email?? And did I forget to pay for my food at Mac's and stick you with the bill?? Sars if I did...good times

JMH said...

Ah, to be able to carry a purse without the inner monologue ridiculing me to the point of genuine psychological damage. You see, cheese just doesn't fit in a wallet. Well, it does, but the consequences are awful. And a money clip -- forget it.

Ellie said...

Poor old Brendan Fraser. He sucks, but I wouldn't wish this kind of humiliation on anyone.

Ellie said...

Poor old Brendan Fraser. He sucks, but I wouldn't wish this kind of humiliation on anyone.

Ellie said...

Poor old Brendan Fraser. He sucks, but I wouldn't wish this kind of humiliation on anyone.

Rassles said...

Thanny: Never.

Jillian: Actually, now that you guys mention it, I totally forgot I had that cheese and it's definitely in my fridge right now. Probably molding.

MoL: Booyah.

Mae: Hey, me too.

Ginny: Do you also feel honored when people give you the herp?

Daisy: I only steal things that have technically been paid for.

RF: I make up for it in awesome.

Del: Zing?

Fuzzarelly: Using that. Seriously.

TAB: I have this problem. It has something to do with people paying attention to me.

Schmee: Oh yes: Schmee pretended she was BFF with the owner of the Cubs. To his face.

JMH: You could solve that with a mansatchel. I think they're sold at KMart.

Ellie: I like it when you leave me multiple comments because it looks like I'm more popular than I actually am.

Blues said...

How come I didn't get an email? Hm? HMMM?

Just trying to picture you with a purse and it's hard. But picturing it with blocks of cheese in it is a little easier.