With MoLinder out, because she moved way...I'm sorry, for one second we must focus on MoLinder's raging malcontent. I'm a malcontent to begin with, and she is doubly so because she threatens my established order, which is the most important Order there is.
We must focus on the fact that she left me. Snapping fingers, blinking briefly, a flash of yellow cat eyes in the trees and she's gone. I lost an important password-laden post-it note at work around the same time and that was nothing compared MoLinder leaving, because post-its do not choose to unstick from places of import, unlike MoLinders. Post-its also don't snatch cuddly cats away like sticky catsnatchers, unlike MoLinders. Three cats, by the way. There were three cats and a MoLinder and now I have none of both.
I'll be okay.
(Distracting Explanatory Exercise: I want all of you raise your hand, palm facing the computer screen. Do it. Press your thumb to your forefinger real hard. That is how close I came to getting a dog, because I was lonely and dogs are better than most people.
Now, take your allied thumb/finger business and lick it. Do this very sexilly. Use those same two fingers to touch the tip of your nose with it. Take a big whiff. Do not remove your fingers. Look down your nose at what you're doing. Look back up here.
Do you feel smart? No, you don't. You feel fucking stupid. This was a futile, ridiculous idea for an exercise. It was about as good of an idea as me getting a dog.)
By the way, MoLinder, you don't just up and leave your fucking roommate. Unless you are offered a job across the country in the town where your guts were rooted and it pays double your current income. That is the only excuse for unsticking. So...well played, MoLinder, and yes, you can use me as a reference for your Department of Defense clearance, and I will explain that I am much more suited for the position because I used to play a lot of Stratego so I'm real good at hiding bombs.
Of course, I can just beck right and there's an arsenal of Potential Roommates, waiting to be drafted. Because let's face it: everyone loves me. Everyone loves me and they want to be me and since they can't be me they must live with me so they can be awesome by proxy. So MoLinder moving out was like flipping a steak on the grill, and now the Yellavitch, my little sister, is my roommate for the duration of the month. Either way, I get steak.
And then in July, CrazyLiz is moving in. I have good friends.