Friday, August 20, 2010

shootin at the walls of heartache

CrazyLiz's cat is easily the neediest cat in the goddamn world. He's got those Hemingway cat-hands, the ones with all the fingers, and he grips the armrest of my Lay-Z-Boy like it's a barrel going over the falls and just fucking trills until I touch him.

You know, comparing cats to boys is just sad, but seriously. Oscar, I wish you were a boy.

I have drunkenness going on right now and the night was good. Some guy asked me to be in his band. This happens rfequently, where they gfive me napkins and pens and SERIOUSLY CAT LEAVE ME ALONE I DON'T CARE IF YOU CAN TURN YOUR HEAD UPSIDE DOWN.=

tyPing is hard right now. oscar pulled the 's' key off my keyboard with his clawsa nad I was all like chill the fuck out,k cat.

So yeah. I called muffy. she is one of those girls who always brings a guy home and is never embarrassed because HE is never embarraswing.


How does this happen? How do you just be all like come home with me and then they just like do it?:



My fingers are stretching to hit the appropriate keys and all I can think is, okaay, if I weren't so aweome at sim=nging Patty Smyth would yhou care? This is a big deal. van halen asked her before hagar. you can google it. or wikipedi it. fucking whatever.

I have all of these things to say that are way slower to porcess when I havce to type. also my backspace key is bullshit.


renalfailure said...

It would seem the cat was trying to prevent you from drunk-blogging and/or drunk emailing. Though the trilling is purely manipulative on the cat's part. They do that.

daisyfae said...

i bet the cat hid your phone, too. probably put it in your mailbox or something.

MoLinder said...

hahaha. is oscar needier than kitty?

Kono said...

bang bang, i am the warrior, and i am the warrior and heart to heart you win if your survive... fucking love that song reminds me of being in 8th grade and hangin out at the pier in Ocean City hoping to get like kissed or something.

Here In Franklin said...

Now that was funny.

grumpy said...

what I love is that you start perfectly lucid and then it is hilariously downhill from there. You are really talking up this drunk blogging thing for me. Is it cheating to get drunk just to blog or do I have to be drunk for other reasons and then be all 'hey! I think I might do a bit of the ol' blogging now!'?

Sid said...

Ha. My cat expects you to pet her while she eats. She absolutely refuses to eat unless someone is rubbing her.

And everytime I stand there I can't help feeling like I'm the pet and the cat is the owner. I feel like I'm the one being trained.

formerly fun said...

What's the old adage about cats versus dogs? Dogs have owners cats have staff. Seems fitting. Rassles you are hysterical.

There was a good five year span in my twenties where I would have turned my awesome cat into a boyfriend if I could, dudes were just way too irritating and confusing. I was every guy's friend. Probably because I was fifteen pounds overweight and had ridiculously gorgeous friends. Then I got skinny and cute in an attempt to get boys. It worked, I dated all the time but most of them were idiots. Finally found my other half, gained back the weight but he likes me on the plush side so I don't care too much. He's still dumb but the least dumb dude I know.

Blues said...

I never remember to blog when I'm drunk. Wait, I never remember to blog when I'm sober.

Mia Watts said...


You're hilarious when you're drunk. Plus you really oughta record that shit.

dubiouswonder said...

You're a bitch for sticking that lyric inside my head, yo.

dubiouswonder said...

Also, it is a serious goal of mine to get shit-faced drunk with you at some point and sing Patty Smythe songs at the top of my lungs in some divey bar where we may get mugged outside. It would make me feel 23 all over again.

Interesting. Word verification for this post: shedicat. Does the cat shed?

JMH said...

Ah, drunk blogging is so fun to do and then upon waking up something feels different and then out of the haze "OH MY GOD WHAT DID I SAY?"

And so then I put some pants on (or not), rush over to the computer, pull up my blog, and become confused and a little irritated. Because I don't know what I've written means. I don't what it's supposed to be. There should at least be an effort toward cohesion.

For me, not you. I like yours the way it is.

Thanatos said...

"How do you just be all like come home with me and then they just like do it?"

Yeah, guess all the girls I hit on were like that too :(