Everyone's dressed like they're about to go urban chic horseback riding, and poor Gyna has had to listen to me mention working in a stable about seven million bajillion times over the past several months, when I haven't been in a barn in years. Whenever I see people wearing fashiony riding boots and jeans that look like fucking jodphurs I get all sentimental. And then Mongo told this heartbreaking horse story, and the only solution I can think of to get myself out of this sewer of schmaltz and memory is to quit my job and become a professional carriage driver, which I would probably dominate and loathe.
Speaking of domination and loathing, Gyna sallied me into hunting for Four Loko last week because she said, and I quote, "So we need to have a Four Loko night before it is banned."
My whole face raisined and scowled. "How about we just punch each other in the throat for a few hours?"
"How about you stop being such a sally? You are acting like a lame old lady."
It's actually pretty easy to get me to agree to stupid shit: call me a sally, and I berate myself until I do it better and harder with triple the gusto (and no, you cannot sally me into blow jobs). I agreed to her proposal in the name of science and bravery, and we sallied forth--
Holy etymological epiphanies, Batman! If to "sally forth" is to embark on adventure, and I believe in adventure with all my brains, then calling someone a "sally" in place of yellow-bellied chickerlegs is just downright irresponsible. Besides, I don't know anyone named Sally that reacts like a ninny-headed Nancy-face whenever something unpleasant comes up.
BOOM. Solved instantly. Here we go: Nancy is the new Sally. I've never liked any Nancys anyway, they're all so shrieky and nasally. Nancys are the types of people that can't enjoy Four Loko for even comedic value. Nancys are teabagging hypocrits who ask stupid questions like, "If your friend was a lesbian, would you still hang out with her?" or "do you want to go to Fridays for dinner?" and they love movies starring Ashley Judd/Katherine Heigl/Kate Hudson (remember when Kate Hudson was like a clean glacier stream and then she went and made a crapton of movies that weren't Almost Famous?).
I think I was spoiled living with MoLinder, because we always had parallel tastes in movies and TV shows, and argued our differing opinions incessantly. CrazyLiz lives on a completely different plane of entertainment and I feel like a dick because I loathe half the things she loves, and I will tell her so. But when I tell her I don't like something - and it's this way with everything - I want her to defend it with the same passion she claims to feel for the story itself. I don't want her to say,"Oh" and then silence herself.
I want to hear why. I want everyone to tell me why they love the things they love, because "I just do" isn't enough for me. Drives everyone crazy, I know, but they drive me crazy. Can't you people just be on my side? I have to compromise for the sake of the world, shouldn't the world sometimes compromise for the sake of me?
So many people claim to love something and so few champion that thing with unbridled zealotry, it just makes no sense. I'm a fucking zealot for the things I love - that's how I love things. With insanity and repetition and constants. And like, math.
Right now I kind of love grape-flavored Four Loko.