Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Nostalgia

I've found that whenever I feel like I've been sewn together from incompatible parts, I just boldly emphasize the utter weakness of stuff that holds me together in the most confrontational way possible. Suddenly, for the first time like ever, I'm starting to think that aggressive transparency is kind of unhealthy because I'm constantly reminding myself of my mediocrity. I guess I just figure it's better not to lie about it, right, and make sure everyone knows right away how average I am.

But I think pointing out how mediocre I am all the time is the lie, because I know I'm not average and mediocre. I know I am different, because people treat me differently than they treat other people. This isn't a scale of better or worse, it doesn't involve ethics, health, likability or any of that. It's just that sometimes I make people nervous, and sometimes people think everything about me is a fucking joke.

And sometimes I come to shocking realizations about my effect on people, because I keep on having conversations with dudes where they express interest in courtship immediately followed by mentioning their own very serious psychological disorders.

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22 comments:

Chris said...

Okay, I'm back to thinking Daisyfae is right about you being our alien abduction love child. I have that thing with crazy people, too. But girls. Mostly. That's a whole other story.

Oh, also, that realizing thing you're doing now? Good stuff. Very important. Go with that.

nuts4fruits said...

Mental fuckery is replicating like rabbits so the probability that, on any given day, you'll meet someone sane is exactly 67.77898895%. Which sounds like good odds but if you encounter more than one person per day you have to multiply the probabilities and... Long story short: you're not crazy, everyone else is :)

daisyfae said...

i think you are anything but average, ms. rassles, because chris and i could never possibly have an average child!

you have 'approachability'. i get weird shit - not so much from people who want to go out with me, but people who tell me about the incest in their family when i've only met them once before...

you will someday find a man who has the same problem, and the two of you (once you are done sharing stories of crazy almost stalker people) will hunker in a bunker... and perhaps have some beer.

gyna said...

i bet we could solve this (crazy problem) and most world issues if we did a four loko night. you know you want to

renalfailure said...

Hey, you already know I talk to a ninja and a half-cyborg cat and I haven't tried to court you yet, so that makes me ahead of the game.

MoLinder said...

i attract depressed alcoholics - probably because i am a depressed alcoholic.
you're so great! i would totally go gay for you if you were into that. which i know you're not. and i'm not really either. shit. time to drink some beer and be depressed. and hang out with my cats.

jorg wobblington lopez said...

It feels like your last two posts were directed at me. Of course that could be my paranoia and narcissism. So you wanna go out?

JMH said...

I drew a picture for high school art class using my own blood. But it was from my nose, so I think that's more gross than disturbed. Not a bad motto.

ryan lawson said...

Can I say that aggressive transparency sounds a little... crazy?

Of course, I'm cursed with passive density; I'm so thick you could stand a spoon in me.

nursemyra said...

I'd date guy #2

Kono said...

People for some reason tell me weird shit all the time, then ask for my advice, strange cuz i'm a fucking idiot. Cosmic Trigger? Robert Anton Wilson? that shit's like the bible for the crazies.

Logical Libby said...

Yeah, you aare cheese for crazy mice. Or catnip for crazy cats. Or Star Trek for crazy geeks.

Jessica said...

1. may i come to your b-day party?

2. maybe so many people in the usa have mental issues at some point these days, the odds are that the majority who hit on you will have had mental issues. maybe what you get hit with is just proportional to the single dudes in our age group.

Jessica said...

another comment so i can subscribe to comments

Jane said...

I also have many, many experiences with being courted by the crazies, or the weird ones, or the ones where you find yourself wondering, "If we were to date, could I really introduce this person to my friends? I mean, he's not very socially acceptable or friendly, is he?"

Yeah, those kind of guys hit on me all the time.

But besides that, I could have easily written your first three paragraphs in my own blog. I am constantly inwardly reinforcing my own weaknesses and faults in life, and the phrase "hopelessly mediocre" is something I use internally to describe myself all the time. I try to tell other people this as well - "I'm really not as smart/cool/funny as you think I am, and nothing I've done is really all that awesome." - and I feel like they say, "Yeah, right, Jane, whatever." Yet I know I'm just smart enough for people to have really high expectations of me, but not smart enough to actually fulfill any of those expectations.

Anyway, I was just posting to say that you are not alone. As if you needed to be told that, but still. :)

Ellie said...

I have a couple of friends who might be interested in you.

MaeDecember said...

i like where this is going.

also i think you're totes courtable.

And I'm pretty stable.

But also a chic. A straight one. With a boyfriend.

Still though.

Blues said...

look at you, gettin all awesome up in here without telling me.

I think that what all of this means is that you're wrong about yourself. For some people you have a calming effect over them.

Lindsey said...

You have my problem, the loser attraction. I think we've been implanted with a microchip. Like the kind for your lost pets but loser men are able to hone in on it within a matter of miles.

Sid said...

hahaha. Man, I miss talking to crazy ppl. They provided so much blog fodder. Now I have to poke fun at myself.

Red said...

I have attracted, and been attracted to, multiple men with clinical depression. 3x in a row, I would date one, it would end, I would meet someone else and think, "Okay, this one's not crazy." And then he would turn out to be. A lot of people have, shall we say, challenges. Rather than looking for someone who doesn't, it's good to find one who has confronted his demons and has them under control. I'm not saying that'll be easy. But as one of my friends used to say, "There all crazy. You may as well pick one of the ones who have been diagnosed."

Grumpy said...

Heh maedecember said totes!