Monday, January 31, 2011

Terribble, Powerful, Wondrous

Apparently yesterday was Draw a Dinosaur Day and I didn't get the fucking memo. It sounds like the most asinine thing I've ever heard of, but far cooler than Talk Like a Pirate Day because I've never been very piratey and I've always been very terrible-lizardy.

You should see me at the Field Museum: it is my meth. I just creep around, twisted and cranked and ready to burst in a euphoric fury of rushing, chatty blood, suddenly expertly obsessed with every -ology they got cased up in there. Honestly, any guy that asks me to go to the Field Museum with him will be gettin some, or at least fling himself into danger by being the victim of one of my soul-crushing crushes. Museums are so dreamy.

It's been a few months since I had a decent museum trip (and by "museum trip" I mean "museum trip," this isn't some sick, dinosaur-induced analogous reference to "doing it" (and by "doing it" I mean "doing it")) and I'm thinking about just heading over to the Field this weekend (which I have been saying for weeks) because it's my favorite museum in the world. Ever. All other museums are barren, dank, desolate establishments, and the Field Museum is the sun. It's the place against which I judge all other houses of artifact.

I understand that in most internet lists created by professional museum analysts (because if it's on the internet, it must be true) the Field Museum doesn't even crack the top fifty. Most of them are art museums.

I don't give a shit how important your art is.

FACT 1: A museum without bones is not a real museum.
FACT 2: My art should be at the Field Museum. See above sketch for reference.

Argue with me all you want, my mind was made up twenty years ago. Best museums in the world, ready? GO.

1. Field Museum
2. National Museum of Ireland - Natural History
3. Creation Museum

Do not argue with me because I am right.

Okay, fine, argue with me. You are entitled to be wrong. But if you're going to spout off some shit about Jurassic Park and how the velociraptor was actually the size of a turkey and blahgiddy blah blah: duh. I know. I been to the Field Museum, bitches.

...

Edit: I don't know if you know this about me, but I have a gift: I can draw a decent sketch of anything. After doing this quick dinosaur...I miss drawing.

...

23 comments:

nursemyra said...

Ha! I love your tags today Rassles

Anonymous said...

http://twistedsifter.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/clever-girl-easy-breezy-beautiful.jpg

sorry, don't know fancy embedding trickses

Rassles said...

Duh, Jurassic Park. I googled "Jurassic Park velociraptor" and drew the first picture. Who be you?

Rassles said...

Oh! It's a meme. I get it now.

gyna said...

dude if you miss drawing you should draw pics of your friends. and then frame them. and give them as gifts.

Rassles said...

Dude, if you want me to draw a picture of you pick one out and I'll do it.

Rassles said...

None of this "suggestive" shit. Just ask already. Write me a letter. You aren't afraid it'll turn out like all those portraits people draw of Emi?

Here In Franklin said...

1. Orangerie, Paris
2. Musee National du Moyen Age,Paris
3. Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum, Nashville
4. The dog collar museum we went to in England about 20 years ago.

MoLinder said...

i love the field museum! the museums in san diego are pretty weak. so we won't be going to any of them while you're here. (although the natural history museum has some bones so i guess that makes it a real museum)
btw - i agree with gyna. it's time for you to draw your friends. i request the one you draw of me to incorporate the things that are important to me - cats and beer. although, i must say that pic of Emi is EPIC

daisyfae said...

i love the dinosaur on Concourse B at O'Hare airport. that brontosaurus skelly makes going through the airport magic.

gyna said...

i was hoping it would be like emi's. i need some framed art like that at my place.

Kono said...

First off the Lambchop song National Talk like a Pirate Day is kick ass. Second, here in the Burgh we have dinosaurs everywhere, we have a big ole bronto outside the Natural History Museum who is currently sporting a Steeler scarf, then of course we have the small dinos that were public art that people then bought and placed all over the city, we are like dino-fucking-heaven. Third, if you are ever in Za Burgh i will pay for your ticket to see our dinosaur exhibit at the Carnegie which is pretty fucking cool. (I'll be stoned of course cuz that's the way i like museums best.)

Kono said...

Correction- the dino outside the museum is a diplodocus and you can see a picture at Pittsburgh Post Gazette.com in the local section.

Florida Girl In Sydney said...

Clearly what I am about to say is WRONG-- but, I hate bones. I hate lizards and dinosaurs. Would you be offended if I go as far as to say BORING.

Ok, you can slap the crap out of me now. Still friends?

daisyfae said...

Hey - just saw some video of the blizzard, and hope you are safely hunkered down somewhere, with a good stash of food and booze...

Nikki B. said...

first,i wanted to make sure you were okay and not frozen solid. second...do you have skis? third...your town is totally stealing my towns thunder! pretty badass news coverage coming from up there...nicely done, chi-town!!

Sid said...

Seriously? You drew that? Wow. I don't have a favourite museum. I'm more of an art gallery person. Or a graffiti person. Graffiti is totally art and I'm not talking about tagging your name graffiti. That's bullshit vandalism.

renalfailure said...

Draw me the raptor from the episode of The Critic where the raptor takes out a smoking pipe and tells Dr. Hammond that he and the other raptors have constructed a crude suspension bridge to the mainline and once there the raptor will lay low and assume odd jobs under the name Mr. Pilkington... "but perhaps I've said too much."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyGMiwOGBfM

Ellie said...

Seriously, The Creation Museum. As in this creation museum? You like school in summertime, girl: no class! (Just kidding; I really just wanted to use that expression. I think you rock and will play hooky with you ... see, I aint go no class neither.

Ellie said...

)

Rassles said...

I DEFINITELY mean that creation museum.

I've been there twice:

http://www.rassles.net/2009/02/psychological-warfare_26.html

http://www.rassles.net/2008/04/dragons-are-real.html

It's brilliant. It's propaganda at its finest.

Mia Watts said...

I seriously need to plan a trip to the Field. I'm in total agreement that if a museum doesn't have bones, and lots of them, then it's a big giant house poser of kindergarten art and is missing the point.

Jayne said...

Oh yes, you're on my reader. And I have hundreds of psychedelic dinosaurs in my house. Want some?