Thursday, June 2, 2011

I can't take hand-me-down destiny


day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding

I didn't know people thought about things like this. Picking a song to play at your "wedding" like I'm going to have one or something? That's like naming your children or your dog before you meet them. Makes no sense to me.

Sure, when I was little I imagined I had a giant red dog named Ox who had absolutely nothing to do with the giant red dog named Clifford. Ox was more feral and hyena-y and ate chipmunks and lilacs, because those were the two things that were most prominent in my parents' backyard.  He was extremely protective of me. Oh, and I had an imaginary mustang named Astronaut who lived under the apple tree and I was the only one who could ride him because I was patient and kind and could totally speak horse. But I don't ever plan on owning a horse or a dog with those names. 

Quaint little child, eh?

So I need to come up with a song to play at my wedding.   Since I have no boyfriend, fiance, or possible marriage in sight, this seems pointless.  But a meme is a meme, and memes are unstoppable.

Traditionally at weddings, the bride dances with her dad, correct? Because my dad and I have an anthem, and this is it. 



Sure, it's not exactly appropriate for a father/daughter dance, but fuck that, right?  That's what makes the song perfect.  People will probably scoff and wonder why we aren't playing "Butterfly Kisses" or "Wonderful Tonight" or some other fucking nancypants song, and them I will REFER TO THE LYRICS.

Although apparently now it's all hip to start dancing with your dad and then bust out Soulja Boy choreography halfway through the song to show that you're his special little girl, but ya'll can pal around be goofy cuz u don't take sh*t 2 srsly.

(Sorry, I have this weird obsession right now with sporadic, mean-tempered textspeak)

On another note: My boss (I have two) and her wife got their civil union license yesterday.  Hooray for separate but equal!  You lesbians have to use the lesbian bathroom, but at least we let you go inside now.

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10 comments:

Ed Mypunso said...

Ted, Just Admit It..., Jane's Addiciton. The repetition of "sex is violent" at a wedding would be almost as funny as someone playing Alice In Chains' Angry Chair at a piano recital.

Ed Mypunso said...

Of course, that's Jane's AddicTIon. I have stupid fingers.

nursemyra said...

Howard Kaylan looks a lot better now than he did back then

Rassles said...

He really does, doesn't he? He was all clay-faced in the sixties.

Ed Mypunso said...

LOVE that notether button.

I'm stealing it.

Mia Watts said...

Huh. Wonder what they played at the ceremony and if they busted a move or Arsenio Halled a fist pump.

Rassles said...

Ed - I am so glad you like the Notether button, because I'm extraordinarily proud of it and I click it ALL THE TIME.

Mia - You mean the brides? It's all like "Butterfly Kisses" and record scratch--superman that ho! and then they crank it and roll. Youtube it. It's all the rage. Usually they put on sunglasses. It's not like, annoying or anything. The first time I saw it, I thought it was cute. Now I'm just sitting around at weddings waiting for the record scratch.

Red said...

I hate "Butterfly Kisses." It's a dumbass song, and anytime someone uses it for a father/daughter dance, I groan loudly on the inside and quietly make snide comments to whoever I'm there with.

My dad and I danced to "I Loved Her First" - basically the most perfect father/daughter dance song ever. If you don't know it, look it up. But if you and your dad danced to this song, that would be way cool. It's great you have an anthem.

Sid said...

Right now I can't think of any song I'd like to play at my hypothetical wedding. Either way my choice would probably be something lame. Also most of my favourite love songs are kinda depressing and inappropriate for weddings e.g. I'll do better by Jarrod Gorbel.

JMH said...

Rassles, where have you gone? I understand that summer in the city brings with it a hedonism incompatible with blog updates, but still...

I should thank you for "Spaceman," and I'm sure I'll thank you for this at a later date.