Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Having Things

I have many things.

I have, for example, a bathrobe.  I also have 2/3 of a box of markers, four bottles of wine, four dead grandparents, 37 envelopes full of old pictures, $2.80 in library late fees, one nut bowl shaped like a walnut containing a handful of empty pistachio shells, and I anticipate having a headache tomorrow.

Currently I have hot spiced wine, which is a thing.  And I have been drinking alone which should not be a thing, and I have yet to spill all over my very nice white sweater which is a good thing, and I have been drinking whiskey sours with family and that is a bad ass thing, because that was Grampa's favorite.  See all of the things that I have?

I have a memory of my grandmother's funeral back in August (Nonny) where all of my male cousins stood up at the lunch and recounted their fondest moments with her, and Katsisch and I had nothing to say.  Katsisch was on fire with anger at ll of their words because she hated Nonny.  I can understand that because Nonny ignored us and doted all of her attention on the male cousins, but basically I think she was being dumb. During one particularly heartfelt speech, one of several goddamn thousand, she started shaking and crying uncontrollably.  Everyone thought she was sorry to see Nonny go, but in reality she was furious.

I told her to leave.  "Go, just go.  Come back when you're okay<" I told her.  Sorry, I'm durnk and I'm using a lot of backspace right now.

"Why?  She was a bitch."

"But not to them.  Just leave, calm down.  Do it for Dad."  and that worked.

And then after all of the stories, when Katsisch and I refused to speak (and Yellavitch was six hours away at grad school, which had started that morning and is a legitimate excuse to not come when Nonny had been losing it, nigh gone, for years) my dad stood up after several glasses of wine and spoke.

"I just want to share a story.  So hypothetically, the first female President of the United States is elected.  And she wants her parents to come to her inauguration.  She calls them to invite them.
'Just come dad,' she says on the phone.  'I'll pay for your ticket.'  And her dad says, 'oh, I don't know, I'm not sure if they'll have anything for us to eat.' 
'I will have them make any food that you want,' she says.
'Well, we might not be able to afford the flight.'
'Air Force One will pick you up, I will personally see to it.'
'Well, you brother invited us to a football game...'
'There'll be a million more for you,' she says.  And it goes on and on, and eventually she convinces them to come.  So they do, and after the speeches and all that the Vice President leans over to her dad and he says, 'you must be as proud as I am right now.'
And her dad looks him straight in the eye and says, 'Oh, did your son play football for Notre Dame?'"

Then he laughed, and I laughed, and I've never been more proud of my dad in my life.

I have a new television.  Kind of.  It was my grandpa's television and it's about twice the size of my old one and the picture is much better, but it has that nigh-undetectable high-pitched buzz going on and I'm worried about any dogs in the area.  Enough to make me keep the old TV on the floor next to it just in case it becomes unbearable.  It usually goes away after fifteen minutes or so.  I have a second couch that also belonged to Grampa and it's in my spare bedroom, because oh yeah: I have a spare bedroom.

I have several cousins that I would number among my best friends, and I have several cousins that would number among minor acquaintances.  I have a pipe and a hat that belonged to Grampa, and I have to wear them tomorrow morning at the cemetery.  I have a mystery to solve, because I don't know why my uncle rarely talks to the family anymore.

I have to go to the funeral of a person I love tomorrow, and I have to remember to celebrate and be strong even though the Catholics regard this as sober and solemn.

I have to talk to someone right now.  I am alone and I have to talk to someone, anyone, and there is no one here. 

And I have to remind myself that I have nothing but love, because if I don't have love I don't have anything.

...

16 comments:

The Honourable Husband said...

Here's something else you have. You have the love and respect of readers like me.

DiaryofWhy said...

I'm bad at this stuff, but I didn't want to not comment. Take care.

Chris said...

I went to a retirement symposium (la ti da) last week for a guy I basically thought was a tool, but who I've known for 20 years. When it was my turn to talk, I found all of these nice and gracious things coming out of my mouth. And they were more or less mostly true. After several hours of thinking and drinking about it I realized that I believe everybody brings something valuable to the world. In spite of myself. For real. Even the ones we would like to think don't.

Sorry about your grandpa. That sucks.

JMH said...

Wow, I just got a little teary. And not just because I've been yanking out my nosehairs.

daisyfae said...

And we do adore you, Rassles.

i love your Dad. Very much.

nursemyra said...

thinking of you xx

renalfailure said...

Thought I would have gotten a drunken email from you by now. Maybe there will be one on Friday when I come home from seeing Human Centipede 2.

Sid said...

Oh you have much more than love. You have talent. You have my admiration.

yesjessica said...

Your dad sounds so cool.

You are a great writer.

When do you want to hang out? Friday night, Pilsen Artwalk w/ me & Muffy's high school beau?

Rassles said...

HH: I read that and cried the day you posted it. Thank you.


DoW: Effort is always appreciated.

Chris: I like that thought. I will tell myself that the next time a good person dies and a worthless person lives: maybe they are not worthless.

JMH: Now your nose is a snot toboggan.

Daisy: I adore you too.

Nurse: xoxoxoxo

RF: Don't go see that movie on purpose. Come on. Have some respect for barbed wire.

Sid: You do wonders for my ego, you know that? Thanks, friend.

JT: I have a birthday party on Friday and I will be reprising my role as Cubby Gummy, otherwise I would. Want to do the Moth thing on Monday?

Formerlyfun said...

Sorry I missed this, nobody in my reader is writing anymore and I deleted my computer password storer by accident so now I have to log in to every damn site...

Anyhow, I am curious if you solved the uncle mystery? Probably because I am becoming like that uncle with my own family, for a lot of reasons, you know some of them.

And your dad, I love him. I do think people are a mixed bag of good and bad in different proportions but I think it's good to understand a person the way they are, your dad seemed to.

And you have so many things, chief among them talent and very good friends, something most people have in short supply.

Tiffany said...

word. your dad is awesome. i got all teary when i read this. and i love your list of things you have but you forgot some stuff you also have: FANS. lots of em. (not ceiling ones, which you might have too, i don't know.)

Blues said...

that was me.

Kono said...

Where are you Rassles i miss you.

JMH said...

Come back. I miss you.

Diary of Why said...

How are you, Rass?